The New M.E. Generation











So no matter how we do it, our cars meeting on the way to work is still not happening.

Even if we both leave at the same time from our homes, the initial paths to get to the main road are different. That’s why the chances of ‘bumping into each other’ are zero to none.

If he’s on time, I’m delayed, and vice versa. One time I text him, ‘we need to get a drone’.

Since a mention about meeting in person hasn’t occurred yet, I thought maybe the unsuccessful chases would make that happen without me having to say it. Like I said before, if he’s interested, let it be him that does the effort.

Me: “I mean, how else are we going to manage seeing each other in the morning?” (referring to the aircraft).

Him: “Well, we need to see each other somewhere else, since this traffic thing is too hit-or-miss. Mostly miss, lol.”

Me: “Yeah, like FaceTime” (which I call the ‘half and half’; part visual, part phone call in not exactly the real world).

Him: “I was thinking maybe meet for coffee, lunch, or happy hour.”

Me: “Thought the same, except I didn’t want to come across as pushy.”

Him: “Not at all, I like and respect women who take the lead.”

Wow, how about that? I don’t recall any guy saying this about females per se.

Me: “Most guys are not like that from experience. Being said that, I would like to get together with you in person. Don’t know how your schedule is or what would be fine with you to do.”

By the time I sent this text we had both gotten to work, so I left it as that for that day.

The following one, the morning usual.

Him: “Morning! At the train station light lol.”

Me: “I’m way back in it.”

Him: “Did you get out?”

Me: “No. Now second in line.”

Him: “Shoot. Well, I do have to stop for gas. Going to station past 40th.”

Me: “Maybe I’ll see you.”

Him: “Hope so!”

This time I took my commute into high gear, passing all cars and advancing as much as I could. At least him being ahead of me and making a stop was providing a small window of opportunity.

The location is almost immediately after an intersection. A few seconds after the light turned green, I see the ‘Led Zep1’ entering the station right, then making a left turn to position it in an empty spot.

I quickly stopped my car next to the second entrance when I see his vehicle facing towards me. I waved ‘hi’ to him. I almost got into the station, but I knew I would be late for work if I did, and had cars behind me honking to move, so I kept going.

Me: “I saw you!”

Him: “Yes! Saw you too lol!”

Me: “Yay!” I took a selfie of me smiling. It was a ‘close, but no cigar’ moment, but good enough for me.

Him: “Too brief. You should have stopped for gas too.”

Me: “Thought that, but my boss is very insisting of people getting to work on time. We should meet this weekend.”

A few emoticons later and after getting to his office, he said, “yes, we should. What’s your schedule this weekend? And it’s too bad for your boss.”

Me: “My schedule is open. You? My boss called upon me twice recently and just don’t want to hear it again. And my colleague is out this week sick, so… Just let me know.”

About two days later I had dinner with one of my BFF’s. I shared with her the story about how I met him and my almost run-in encounter at the gas station.

She did appreciate me doing something ‘out of the box’, but she’s never short of dispensing ‘wake-up’ advice, even when nothing has yet happened.

“You had no business stopping at the gas station,” said she seriously while I looked at her puzzled. I thought she would have told me the other way around.

“You don’t know anything about this guy. How sure are you that he’s single?” continued she. I felt like a child does when a parent is preaching you about the facts of life.

“You can pull this off when you’re in your 20’s. But one has to be careful at our age,” continued she. “I’m not saying not to pursue guys. Just keep your distance for now and let him be the one that makes the move.”

Okay, now what? I’m feeling somewhat deflated. Like I should have kept quiet.

At least LedZep1 said to meet during the weekend. Well, easier texted than done. Guess I’ll put my car on neutral for the time being and wait until it’s time to shift gears again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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After this long-extended first date, Bob and I continued seeing each other once a week and speaking on the phone almost every night.

Among the new things I learned about him was that he had a motorcycle and boat. Regarding the first, he is part of this group of cyclists that get together when someone organizes a meetup via email. One Saturday he texted me some photos before they all went for a day-long drive.

Asking me if I have been on one, he was surprised to know that, unfortunately, that has not happened with me.

I told him the ‘closest’ experience was riding a scooter in a Caribbean island with my ex when we were in the initial part of our relationship. I wanted to add humor to my anecdote, so I said that ‘we drove all over the place on one day’, that each time a stop was made in a street light, ‘I would get up from the seat to stretch, as my body began hurting after a while’.

What was really hurting was my butt, but I didn’t wanted to use that language with him just yet. And I know I shouldn’t be including my ‘x’ in conversations, but, at the same time, I didn’t say anything negative about him in this instance because it had been a nice experience for me.

Bob then asked me if I would like riding a motorcycle, to which I said that ‘yes, I would be open to doing that’, but that I would have to do it a couple of times before I gave him a more concrete answer as to whether I like bikes or not.

Regarding boats, I do have experience with that. I explained to him that during ‘my past life’ there was one that we owned, and that I was enjoying it at the beginning. But after a while of waking up every Sunday, rushing to the marina, spending a few hours on it, to then quickly rushing back before the lift stopped working for the day, washing it, giving it maintenance, dealing with the hot weather, etc., it eventually took a toll on me.

It became unenjoyable of working the whole week, then doing chores or errands on Saturdays (basically meaning having only 1 free day of some rest). Even when considering vacations, the boat had to be included somehow, which also took the fun away of planning or doing anything different that was non-water related.

As much as I tried to digest it, reality is that you either love boating or not. It’s either or. There’s no middle ground here. Even if you feel so-so about it, it means that you don’t.

My ‘x’, on the other hand, had been boating since forever. Even more, his grandfather and father have owned boats.

This is so engrained within him, that when I told him one time that I didn’t want to go out on the boat, he took it very personal in that I didn’t wanted to be him, which wasn’t true.

I tried to explain myself to Bob as objectively as possible, with an unfortunate tone in my voice that ‘it was me that wasn’t feeling the boat’, hoping not to point the finger at anything or anyone.

But when I mentioned that my ‘x’ took it personal me not wanting to be in the boat, I accidentally said that “it was always about him, my marriage was all about that: him.”

It was a sad and hurtful moment to realize. It never occurred to my ‘x’ to ask me about my feelings that day about the boat or anything else that had to do with me. As long as I did everything he expected of me, all was ‘fine’. He never cared to go below the surface and see what was causing the whirlwind within me.

Bob then wondered how I felt about boating in general, to which I said that ‘I haven’t done it for so long, it feels as if I’ve never experienced it before; that I would also need to do it a couple of times to define what my feelings are about it in the present’.

I may have sounded negative, but I wasn’t going to jump all over with excitement about joining him on the boat if that was not the case. I know that it’s worse to lie to others because it will bite you back later on and can be turned against you. I prefer to be straightforward in the beginning so if the other person doesn’t like it, then better now than later to part ways.

In spite all that I said, Bob still invited me to join him on his boat on a Saturday. Nice. At least he seems to understand where I’m coming from. I think.

I did mean what I said that I would be willing to give it a try. Just because I have bad memories doesn’t mean I can’t create good ones now. Who knows, I might shift all the way to liking it completely.

You may ask if I have any emotions still linked to the first boat mentioned (and that guy). I will tell you this: after all these years being single, I now feel a huge relief that I don’t have to deal with anything related to both any more.

I have sailed forward the best of my ability and have discovered more than some new worlds.

I have found the calm after the storm.

 

 

 

 

 



et cetera