The New M.E. Generation











The memories continued and it was gratifying remembering them.

In another email I wrote about the day we went to the beach with his friend. Johann replied that they’re still friends and that the other guy still remembers me, and has asked about me from time to time.

Wow, that was nice to hear. It was such a great day only good thoughts can come out of it, and that one is included in them is even better.

What I read next really took me by surprise, as I had no recollection about it.

‘When we were in the cab,’ wrote Johann, ‘you kissed me. I didn’t see that coming. I was pretty shocked at what you did!’

‘No!! That’s not possible,’ replied I. ‘The only time we kissed was at my house. You’re making this up.’

‘Yes you did! I was brought up well and taught to respect women and doing anything inappropriate was not part of my mentality. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but never crossed my mind you would do something like that.’

I tried to wrap my mind around the thought that I behaved like that and didn’t fit. I kissed a guy I barely knew in the back seat of a cab and next to his best friend.

I know I was trying to come out of my shell back then, but this?

Was I more outgoing that I’m giving myself credit for?

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I did not get to talk to Ivan one last time via phone, but in person. I don’t remember how it came about, but he came over to visit me.

He was resting on the sofa, looking more tired than I could remember. I even sensed some sadness in him.

“Is everything all right?” asked I somewhat concerned while holding his hand. It felt nice doing that. It’s like having forgotten how it felt.

“Just tired. Too much work,” said he while staring at me.

“Are you having problems or something? You can tell me.”

“We all have problems.”

“I know. But it helps to talk about things. It sure did for me when my whole mess started.” I kept holding his hand, hoping that, somehow, he would finally open up to me.

“Did I ever told you I was married once?,” said he.

“No! For how long?”

“Two years.”

I was totally surprised that he finally opened up, somewhat.

I finally realized the source of his sadness in his eyes. Obviously the relationship had gone wrong in such a way that he just wanted not to think about it. Sounds familiar?

I kept talking to him and holding his hand. But as much as I tried for him to open up more, he simply didn’t.

I think he is where I was some time back. You were hurt so bad you avoid that happening to you again by simply not opening your heart to anyone else.

You achieve that, not feeling anything for someone else or getting hurt. But you also achieve in turning people away, even when they want to love you (like me).

I couldn’t avoid feeling heartbroken. I was hoping something good would have come out of this. I couldn’t forget the night we met, when we kissed, when we held our hands while walking.

All I could do was to hold on to that memory.

Hold on to the wish that one day I will finally find love again, and hold it in my hands to never let go of it for good.



Ivan and I were having a great time when ‘the call’ was received. So, as agreed, I stayed at the bar waiting for his return while he drove his employer tot the event.

He ordered a drink for me and left. I was now pretty much the only there still. So I just layed back and enjoyed my drink, and myself, the best way I could.

After a while, I started to get nervous. Where on Earth did he drive her to? I hope he’s coming back.

He did, after about an hour later (thank goodness). He had a face that he made it back as fast as he could, which, needless to say, called for a drink.

We picked up the conversation, munched on some pizza, and had a great time. The best part of the night, so far, was that the employer was taking a long time to call again.

When we completed our drinks and food, Ivan suggested taking a walk outside the bar. he felt that ‘the other call’ would happen any time now.

There was a marina close by so we headed that way to look at the boats and else. I couldn’t help my attraction to him so I kept pointing at the yachts to distract him away from this energy that was emanating from me.

We kept walking and talking, when, yes! It happened.

He kissed me.



Ivan took me to a small but modern-looking bar. Because it was so early in the evening, we were the only ones there.

We ordered drinks and picked up the conversation from the one we had over the phone. We went over again on our reasons for giving online dating a try. It pretty much boiled down that finding a mate has been unsuccessful, and this was the only other option that will hopefully ‘save the day.’

I confessed to him that I was surprised he approached me. I asked him what made him do that.

“I was impressed by your beauty, and then after by your profile,” said he.

I was very flattered by his comment that he found me pretty. I know other guys have said this to me before. But, with him, it felt that he meant it.

“What was about my profile that you liked?” asked I.

“I’m not sure. I guess it was your honesty. All I know is that I wanted to meet you,” said he. “What about you? What made you reply to my email?”

“You know what? I’m not quite sure myself. There was something about your smile, the relaxed way that you looked seated in the stairs with your flip-flops that gave me a good vibe.”

We kept looking at each other and couldn’t stop smiling. After a while we were both at ease and enjoying our date. I was feeling that there was even chemistry between us.

I can’t deny that I felt an attraction to him from the moment I saw his pictures and in person. I really wanted to kiss him or get kissed by him. I even wanted to touch him or get closer to him somehow.

But I was scared that if I took the first step, he would take it the wrong way. I wanted to show him that he had made an impression on me, but not too obvious. I just did not want to mess up this date.

Hmm, wonder if he feels the same. I think he does.



et cetera