The New M.E. Generation

It has been a while since I have exchanged communication with this ‘beach guy’.

Ironically his birthday came up for the year, so I congratulated him on his page. He again thanked me, and everyone else who posted something, for the well wishes.

But, he didn’t specify what he did to celebrate. I assumed he spend it with his family at the beach since he’s there every chance he gets.

I believe the next day he sent me a message that blew me away like a storm.

‘You probably don’t know, but I’ve been separated from my wife since the beginning of the year.’

Say what? How did this happen?

I was so shocked about the news I started getting really anxious. More than that he was in this situation, I was overwhelmed at the many people whose relationship had not worked.

There was a time when people were getting married, then having a family, followed by a period of ‘quietness’ were all was fine.

Then the problems would begin or occurrences of bad couple situations. People got separated and divorced, and the end of the relationships would turn out very ugly.

This guy was another one I never envisioned going through this. I was actually envying him because I thought his life was going so well.

The other aspect of his situation that made me nervous was the timing. The beginning of the year also correlated with me facing an unexpected situation that took several months to resolve.

It kept going around my mind and wondered if there was some divine intervention in all this. Is this a signal that perhaps we might get together again? Is he perhaps part of the ‘master plan’ that he talked about that the universe has supposedly designed for me?

OMG! Anxiety rising!

“I’m fine,” said Johann. “How long has it been since we last spoke?”

“My last memory was you telling me in your card that you were getting married and couldn’t write to me any more,” said I.

“Actually, it was my wife who told me to do that. I was upset about it, but what could I do? I’ve always regretted it.”

“Well, if it gives you any comfort, I got rid of most of your letters when I got married. I regretted it too, especially after he left me. But, you and I did what we thought we had to do for the sake of our relationships.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. You know, I was really into you. I wanted to finish my education and fly out to see you again. I would have had a relationship with you, even taken it to the next level, have I been given the chance.”

“What, for real? We were so young! How did you know I was the one for you when we weren’t even living in the same country?”

“That’s how much I had feelings for you.”

“Well, I will say this: life sure has a way of taking care of things.”

Wow! I did have lots of feelings for him, but I think part of them were of being ‘enamored’ with the long distance aspect and he being a foreigner in the navy.

But it was now that I learned how serious he had been about me. What he said was a very powerful statement.

Johann didn’t have a lot of time to talk so we wrapped it up. It may have been brief, but so much was said (and felt).

I couldn’t get off my mind the fact that had there been the opportunity we could have ended up together.

It’s ironic to think that my ‘x’ said to me that he knew he would marry me after our first date. I questioned him about it and he kept saying, ‘I just knew’. It sounded romantic at the time, but after all I went through, it later felt he really didn’t put much analysis into this, if that.

What about me? What relates to men, I thought I had it all figured out when I got involved with him. I knew being married wasn’t going to be easy, but felt confident I could make it work.

Still, how much guarantee do we have of anything working out, no matter at what age? Answer is, none.

But, like I told Johann, life took care of things because it protected us from a situation it wasn’t meant to be.

If I am right about this, why didn’t it take care of that other guy?

What have you got to say now ‘life’?

Our friendship continued and remained solid for years to come. That included the letters, which were exchanged frequently.

Eventually the correspondence included more than letters. I remember sending him photos and an assortment of gifts, including music. I would always try to send him something that wasn’t expensive to mail.

On one occasion he sent me a card, like those for Valentine’s. It was red, with hearts and a love message. Inside there was a pendant with his name engraved on it.

I felt it was so personal, I kept it in the card and wrote him that I didn’t deserve such a valuable item, but grateful on his gesture of trusting me with it. It was the closest I ever felt to him after seeing him the second time.

Some years later I graduated from high school and went to college. The writing continued and I even had a picture of him on my freshman’s dorm room bulletin board.

I’m not sure if it was during this time or after that he completed his marine merchant service/education and returned home. We were both dating other people, but the sentiment between us always remained.

But the letters came to an end when he wrote saying that he was getting married, but that I would always remain in a special place on his heart. I always knew our relationship would end, but I wasn’t prepared for it that way.

Some years later, I got married myself. I took the box that kept all of his letters to my new residence. Thinking he had moved on and that I should do the same, I read each and every one of them, and ripped them off. I only kept a few, including the card with the pendant and the one telling me about his marriage. I believe all photos were untouched.

This is something I have regretted badly, especially after my ‘x’ divorced me, and the contact I had with Johann was all gone.

Lesson learned: always keep those positive things that will help you look back on life with a smile on your face.

This smile came back to me after searching, yet again, inside a storage box.

et cetera