The New M.E. Generation











{October 3, 2016}   The Swipe 2 – The Fish

I kept swiping left and right without any luck yet, until I see a photo of a guy (who I will name Fish) that really caught my attention.

‘OMG!’ I thought to myself. ‘This guy attended the same college I did during the time I was there. Wow. I don’t recall knowing him, but at least it’s to my advantage having something in common. It’s a perfect conversation starter. Hopefully he has swiped right for me. Yes, he did!’

I immediately sent him a message highlighting the school aspect and that we needed to talk about it. I wanted to say ‘meet’, but I didn’t want to come across as desperate.

I checked out his photos and liked that he appeared in different ones, like with family (dancing with a young woman at a party while wearing a nice suit), dressed in a Halloween costume (Fred Flintstone), him running in mud (probably participating in some extreme sport event).

Although the age had changed in these images, he still had a nice face and body for being in his late 40’s, which was good for me, as I like guys who take care of themselves.

His location was still far from mine (about a 2-hour drive), but I kept reminding myself that I needed to keep an open mind.

Through our conversation I learned that he was originally from the Northeast and relocated with his then wife and daughters (he has 2) after getting a job offer (he works in marketing) down here, which also allowed him to escape the nasty winters. He also likes to exercise by running and going to the gym.

I didn’t ask him how long he has been divorced for (I want to keep that topic out just yet) and is in the routine of sharing time with his children every other weekend.

I continued the chat for a bit longer until I thought it was time to ask the main question: should I get his number or should I give mine first? Email perhaps? I said to myself that if I was to do this, I was to do it right.

I decided to ask him for his info. That way I can see how he reacts. If he gives me the run around, or notice any ‘red flags’, then I know that he is lying to me.

‘So how do you want to do this? Exchange emails?’ asked I via text. He replied by giving me his number. OK, all seems fine so far.

The next step was to check his number online and it confirmed that it was indeed him. I also got his last name and social media profile.

The profile had additional photos besides the ones on the app and all seemed under control. He appeared with other photos with his daughters, which made me understand he is a devoted father. The girls looked like they have been raised well, so that was another bonus point for him.

I checked everything that I had access to. He was the real person indeed, but wanted to gather as much other information about him as I could.

I was excited that I just joined a dating app and got a result that seemed worthwhile. It made me believe that these type of sites could actually turn out good.

So, I got his number. What am I going to do now? Of course I will call him. Question now is when would be the right time. Tonight? During the week? Weekend? Heck, I don’t know. ‘There’s never a right time.’ ‘The time is now.’ ‘Just go for it.’ Which will I choose?

Technology may have been created to make our lives easier, but when it comes to love, reality is that you can’t reboot or update it. It will always be scary, confusing, and most often, heartbreaking.

Making ‘the right call’ will always be difficult to do.



Another 2 days went by before I got another reply, this time around 4am and still on a work week.

I wondered again if he was getting up or going to bed and what his whereabouts were. In other words, were you at home or, most probably, somebody else’s place?

Back in my days when I was doing my undergrad and living on campus, if you returned very late to your room, it had to be that you were either at the library (that was the main excuse everyone used) studying or writing a paper, or at the computer center.

Yes, I said the computer center. That’s where people went to type their papers before personal ones became a normal thing to have. And the place was open (I believe) until midnight or beyond.

If those 2 locations weren’t it, then it meant you were probably having some sort of relationship with someone else and managed to spend the night with that person. You either convinced the other roommate to go sleep somewhere else, or that other person slept in your bed with the roommate there as well.

Doing the second was no easy task, as having roommates was difficult per se and meant losing more of the little space and privacy you already had.

Then there was the situation if anyone called you. It was one phone paid by many and the calls were usually from parents, family, or significant others living at school or not.

The calls would mostly occur after 10pm as they knew all classes were done for the day, you already had dinner, etc.

But, that was not always the case. If you took the call, you had the misfortune of telling the caller that your roommate wasn’t there and that you didn’t know where she was, either that was true or not.

It was an uncomfortable situation because you always sounded as you were lying and hiding something.

Then there was the task of having to call them back and explain yourself. After saying ‘you were studying’, things would quiet down until the same scenario happened again.

Yes, it was a time that keeping track of others was no easy task, but is it that different now? Not really, except that all devices are personal and mobile, and you have total control in how you manage them.

In a way it’s harder as no one else knows what you’re doing, that is, if you keep it quiet to yourself.

So what am I thinking right now? That he probably had some chemistry with a girl in his biology class and decided to take it beyond the books. After all, he’s young, good looking and has goals for the future. What girl wouldn’t like that?

This got me thinking; this guy got my attention not necessarily for his merits, but because it’s making me remember my time in college.

That was a special time, as I finally got a chance to be on my own and started to discover who I really was, just like when I became single again.

The negative part is the age difference, which is making me feel old, and that feeling is not good at all.

I may have reversed the effects of what I’ve gone through, but there’s no ‘time’ capsule for the other half of the equation.

You have to swallow it no matter what.



It was a weekend like any other when, out of the blue, I get a text message during my sleep. I literally jumped when I heard the phone buzz as I usually don’t get texts to start with.

I opened the text to read it (‘Hello Emma how are you?’), but my phone did not match the sender from any one of my contacts.

I couldn’t recognize the number either, but something else did get my attention; I received it at 3am.

Who is this person who included my name on the text?

I didn’t respond to it. I went back to sleep and later on during the day I checked the number against my contacts list in my computer. No match either.

I then did a search on the Internet and the number appeared for the city that Jesse told me he lived.

‘Well, look who resurfaced!’ I thought. Wow, it’s quite something to be remembered.

So, now what? Am I going to respond or not? Whatever, he is in another state and I’m here. So he’s just probably saying hello and wanting to know how I am. That’s it, nothing else.

Yes, I’ll answer…later. I have other things to do.



I will confess I was not in the best of moods when I started a new search for a suitable bachelor. I don’t why I didn’t pay much attention to their profile names the first time around. But a lot of the guys surely were using some ridiculous ones.

I came across some that read like ‘hotbod35,’ ‘ready4u’ and ‘luvmchn’ which totally made me laugh.

Even worse, their photos made them look totally moronic or served them no justice. It totally blew their chances of anyone reading their profile, starting with me.

Other had photos that did not allow you to appreciate much of them because they had sunglasses on, maybe wearing a cap or hooded jacket, or their image in a picture was too small. Even if you tried to enlarge it, you still couldn’t see much.

And then there were the opposites showing too much skin by wearing only a bathing suit. At least they had descent bodies, but you could tell by their posture that they thought that they were the ultimate guys around. (Pass…)

I did get to read a few, but overall I wasn’t impressed. There was one that caught my attention, not because of anything that really hit a cord with me, but he had about 4 pictures of himself, and in all he had sort of a sad face.

What’s the deal with this guy? His profile is simple and straightforward. Nothing pretentious and clear about what he wanted from this experience. His photos were assorted and allowed to really get ‘the picture’ of how he looked like.

So why wasn’t he smiling or chose pictures that showed a more positive emotion? I mean, I only posted one with a huge smile and that got me a lot of hits (far too many for me to handle).

His profile read ‘divorced.’ OK, now I get it. Sounds to me he was the one who got ‘the axe’ and is still struggling in getting his life and emotions back to where they should be. And he’s trying online dating because, unfortunately, all else has failed.

Sounds familiar? Yep, that face is sure looking straight at me right now.



After the Ivan incident, I decided to take a very long break from online dating. I know he was the first and only date, but the experience left me even more frustrated about love.

It had such an effect on me that I just ‘retreated’ from going out all together. My outings became very limited to just meeting up with Dina and her friends for drinks or dinner.

The rest of the time I stayed home and watched a movie or TV, or simply hanged out by myself. My free time during the weekend was devoted to running errands or just sleeping as much as I could. Talking about getting a lot of ‘beauty sleep.’

But, again, after a while, the lack of social interaction started to make me feel lonely again. Weekends became very long and my space felt very big.

So what’s the next big thing for me? Give online dating another shot? Hmm, I’ve tried everything I could think about. Are there any more choices for me? Not more that I knew of.

All right, this is what I’ll do. I’ll glance over the pictures at the dating website and if one (yes, one) really gets my attention, I will contact that person.

And if anything evolves eventually, like meeting in person, etc., I will do so first as a friend and let things happen very slowly. What I’m trying to say is that, if all else fails, if at least I gain a new friend, I will be fine with that.

Wait! Being friends with a guy I just date? Well, that’s something worth giving it a try.



I started looking at the photos of the guys and some caught my attention right away, and others got a quick ‘no’ when I saw them.

I promised myself that I would keep an open mind during this process. Meaning, to not only look for a date that seemed physically attractive to me, but also to look for guys who were out of my ‘comfort zone’ (those that mentally resembled what I only knew of before, a.k.a., my ‘x’), and go for those that had potential as well as substance.

My goal was to find someone who had the physical ‘goods’, but totally the opposite personality of ‘that guy’ in my past life. And this would be the deal breaker for sure.

Honestly, what good is a guy who could I consider cute, if he’s shallow, selfish, has an entitlement complex, narcissist, controlled by his mother, lacks empathy or is dysfunctional?

Yep, I just described that person who is no longer part of my life, and maybe I will be very selective in my choices (maybe too much). But I will definitely not allow myself to fall back into the same situation as when I was married. I think I have learned my lesson quite well.

This is where profiles come into play. Dating sites encourage presenting oneself to others the best way possible. Too little information can signal you’re hiding something. Too much can backfire at you.

You run the risk of people not reading it (who has time to read anything anyways nowadays?), or it’s seen as giving out too much into the world that is not necessary at this time.

There’s no element of surprise or interest that can develop in meeting you. You already presented your entire life for everyone else to read.

For me, it became interesting reading some of the profiles. You could tell if people dedicated time to it or maybe just had too much time on their hands.

So, after basically looking at endless of them, some guys really caught my attention, and decided to join the site I was visiting. This entitles me having to create a profile as well.

Now that’s going to be a challenge. Question is, how much am I willing to ‘expose’? Also, what if I don’t get the results I want? I mean, what if any of the guys I try to contact turn out to have no interest in me?

Yes, there is the possibility that, once again, I’ll end up in the same place I am right now; alone.

No, I’m not going there. Something good has to come out of this. It has to.



et cetera