The New M.E. Generation

{November 14, 2016}   The Swipe 8 – Two to tango

In spite all these major details from him, the night went along well, so much that we were basically the last two present at the bar when it was already time to close.

Neither one of us specifically verbalized that ‘I would like to see you again’. Cameron did show an interest in getting together again, but it had more to do when he would be available to do so.

He mentioned that he was going to have an irregular schedule with his daughters for the next 2 weeks of having them every other day, including the weekends, because of something that had to do with his spouse. So the choices were to either meet on the free weekdays, or wait all the way until these weeks were up.

Thinking that he’s most probably on a tight budget, I suggested going the inexpensive route of cooking dinner at either one’s home.

I went as far as telling him that I had a bbq that hasn’t been used for years and would be nice to bring out of retirement, to which he totally was all up for.

‘Let’s do the effort’ was how he basically summarized it. True, and at least he’s talking about 2 people doing this together. ‘It takes 2 to tango’ applied here perfectly, since he’s from that very same country for which it’s famous for.

The next time we decided to meet was to be at his place after work, as he was to cook dinner for me. I agreed to this because I wanted to see where and how he lived (distance of his home from mine, learn if he was a tidy person, etc.) before I decided to invite him home (or not) afterwards.

I believe it was on a Tuesday (he wouldn’t have his daughters that day) that we agreed to meet and, of course, the universe throws something at me of ‘biblical proportions’ that it was either putting me (or situation) to the test, or warning me in advance that this might not work out all together.

To begin with, it started raining late in the afternoon with such magnitude, I was wondering if I didn’t get the memo that a major storm was visiting town. There was so much water that it created a huge traffic jam way before my leave time.

All I could do was stare out my office window, praying that this would go away soon, while keeping Cameron up-to-date on this situation.

I was feeling upset because something always happens with a guy, always. And Cameron had made his effort of leaving work at a descent time to make dinner for me, and now I didn’t even know if I was to make it.

It all cleared out some time after 8pm, but in spite of this hour and driving on the expressway, you always hit traffic, thus delaying me for a good 45 minutes (including finding his location for the first time).

When I finally reached my destination, I took a look around. The area wasn’t bad and his building wasn’t that impressive either. It was located next to the water, but could tell it didn’t even had a pool.

Cameron came downstairs to guide me towards a parking spot. When I was done he says to me, “I wished my apartment didn’t face the street. I could enjoy this view every night.” ‘Ah, yeah, if you say so…’, I thought to myself. Blame it on me growing up in the Caribbean for the lack of excitement.

Upon entering the building, I noticed it had its years, and the decor (or lack of thereof) didn’t help either, making it look somewhat sad. His apartment was really simple and hasn’t been updated that much other than doing the necessary needed to make it livable.

It was a one-bedroom/bath with kitchen and family. For furniture, he had a dining table, a sofa, and drawer beds for his girls. His room only had a bed and night table. I took a peak at his closet and it was full of t-shirts, jeans and casual footwear. I wondered if these were all he had or there were some other stuff left at his former home.

In the conversation we had during dinner, he mentioned that the apartment ‘was economical’, which made sense considering how much a divorce can cost.

We continued on the topic of how to deal with oneself during a crisis, and he said that he was meeting with a therapist. One of the things he has been discussing is that he has gotten lost as a person when his children were born.

I told him that this is what usually happens, but more to women than men; that if he has been involved in raising his children, kudos for him, as men normally don’t change their agendas. Women are expected to change their name and personality, to then become a wife and mother, morphing into something that many times doesn’t even remotely resemble who they were when getting married.

His main mode of therapy is writing movie scripts, an interest he had neglected for quite a while. He explained that he gets up like an hour earlier than he used to, writes like a page or so, then makes breakfast (and wakes up the girls when around), cleans up, gets them to school, followed by him getting to work.

He says he is taking more advantage of the day and feeling more focused, plus reviving a side of him he had almost lost. I replied to him that ‘anything that you believe is positive for you, go for it.’

The next day I texted my bestie for her opinion about my current state of affairs. She kept saying, ‘go with the flow’. ‘I heard men from that country are great lovers and cooks,’ added she.

I know I have to take things slowly, but, unfortunately, this guy is going through a nasty divorce, of which I don’t know when it will get resolved. After that is the collateral damage he will still continue to deal with, plus his children, work, and adjusting to life again as a single man. Add to the mix that failed 4-month relationship with the 24 year old.

Sounds familiar? Yeah. Almost like me (minus the kids). It’s been more than 5 years since being single and I’m still figuring things out.

Question is, if I keep going out with him, will he be willing to ‘take a step further’ and include me in his life, and if so, will I be able to ‘dance to his beat’?

Oh Lord, why does my existence always feels like a sad country song? Time to bring out that good ol’ guitar and violin please!

Just when I thought that things with this guy seemed to be leveling down, I get a phone call from him in the middle of the day, about 2 months after his arrival to the place ‘he hated so much, he felt like tearing the license plate off the car once he crossed the state’s city limits”, just like he did one month after being in the Pacific, to inform me of the following: “I’m just calling you quickly to let you know that I’m getting out of here!!!”

‘Say what??’ I thought to myself. It was like Groundhog Day, when the same incident and words from a few months back had repeated again. “Getting out of where??” asked I.

“The place that I’m living,” said he very angry. “Today is my last day here. This guy told me I couldn’t be here any more, so I made a few calls to people I know, and thank God who never fails me, I was able to find a place to move in right away. I will call you at another time when I’m settled down.”

I didn’t really pay attention to the details of what caused him to go; when I heard the religious part I got nauseated and lost focus on the conversation. Plus, here was again another situation of him having a disagreement with other people, either personal or work related, that ended in a nasty dispute. See the pattern here? His bitchy ex-girlfriend, sister, father, friends, co-workers. And, of course, it was the other person’s fault, not his.

In this case, from what I understood, my then friend was living at a room at the residence of a friend and/or former colleague, who was letting him live in the space for free until he had enough money to find a place of his own.

According to his version, the ‘landlord’ asked him to pay or got upset with this guy for something, and told him he had to go by the end of the month. This guy got so upset at his treatment that he told him, “don’t worry about me leaving this month; as a matter of fact, I’m leaving today, right now!!”

I think this happened sometime in the middle of the work week, so the conversation ended rather quickly and me not having much of a chance to say or ask anything else. He didn’t have much possessions with him, so I don’t think he sacrificed much work time to complete his move.

If we did have a chance to speak about this again, I’m sure he would have been still very angry for the fact that ‘he thought this person was his friend, but proved him wrong’, that ‘he was clearly stabbed on the back’, and that ‘for some reason God wanted me out of there, so that’s why this happened’.

After all this was over, I was again sort of distant from him as I living too many familiar emotions: his behavior change, angry outbursts, being unreachable, secrecy, religious fanaticism. The excuse of ‘been busy with my new job’ was the best into keeping a distance.

I think a few months went by when he informed me that he was again going to visit his mom over the weekend (to pick up one of his cars he had left at her house, or something like that), and that I was invited to go there from Saturday to Sunday, if possible.

He told me ‘very last minute’ and I wasn’t all sure about it, but decided to go ahead. With so much happening from him, I was feeling that there wouldn’t be that many chances in the future of getting together.

In other words, it was a ‘now or never’ situation. I didn’t see it then, but reality was that the end of an era was slowly approaching and it would happen with a ‘bang’ in the worst of ways possible.


The next morning Alex woke up and had a face he had not rested that well. He didn’t mention anything from the night before. We just stayed in bed for a while and talked about pretty much anything else.

We had breakfast afterwards, and later went out to enjoy the day. Again, nothing from what happened was discussed.

When it started to get late in the afternoon, I thought it was time for me to go home. I didn’t know if Alex was going to ask me to stay again with him for the night (probably not).

He accompanied me home separately in his vehicle. After I parked, I went over to his and asked him if he wanted to come up home.

I noticed his face was again like that of his pictures I saw on the dating site. He wasn’t that much smiling. It was a combination between sadness, frustration and lost as in that he knew it would never happen (us being together).

He agreed to come up (don’t know why). He sat on my sofa with a very serious face. I started getting very nervous, so I asked him what was wrong. He then dropped the bomb, yet again. But, I think this one was bigger than the first one (“I will only go to the trip as your boyfriend.”).

“Why are you with me?” asked he.

“What??? Why are you asking me this?” (Yeah, why am I with him?)

“Well, we have different feelings towards each other and you don’t want to take this a step further.” (Now I’m the one the problem, right.)

“I told you when we first started communicating that I was not doing this for the fun of it or play games with others. I may don’t feel the same way that you do, but I’m not going to get into a situation that is not what I want. It’s unfair to you and especially myself.”

“I think you are with me because you don’t want to be alone.”

Now I was starting to get upset. “Listen, I’ve been alone for a long time, even before my ‘x’ left me. And, that’s kind of rude of you to say when you have your kids and some family here. I don’t have anybody close except my girlfriends.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“You know what? I don’t have an answer for you. But I will prove it to you that I’m not with you because I’m alone. How? I will step out of your life.”

“Hey, Dina, whatever happened to that guy at the bar?”

“It’s going well, I suppose. He has visited me already at home, gone on a few bicycle rides. But nothing extraordinary has yet happened. Let’s see how it goes.”

She sounded like there was not a lot of fuzz going on. Or maybe she was taking things very slow as to not get too excited about him in case nothing came out of it in the future.

Yeah, I get it. I don’t want to get excited or anything with Christian either too in case he ended up being ‘missing in action’ like so many other guys I’ve met.

I guess both Dina and I have been disappointed so many times before you are taking for granted that it will happen again. The guys, for whatever reason, will eventually disappear just like the others have.

So it’s better not to put much emotions or thoughts into it so it doesn’t derail your life yet again.

She’s handling it the right way and so should I.

“What about you?” Dina asked.

“Well, I waited a few days to call him, got a hold of him, had a nice conversation, and we agreed to talk next week to possibly meet when he’s not with his kids. So, yeah, I mean, is like your situation. Let’s see what happens.”

“You know me, I like being posted on what happens to you, so please do that.”

“I will if anything develops. Please do the same for me.”

“I will. Let’s get together again soon and talk about it.”

“Sure, if there’s anything worthwhile to talk about them.”

et cetera