The New M.E. Generation











{January 21, 2013}   Looking Back 11 – Crossing over

“So how’s that working for you?” asked he.

“What, damage control?”

“If you want to look at it that way, yes.”

“Well, my ex did a lot of hurting, but I’ve advanced in my recovery. I know that I did everything right in my marriage and that he fell out of love for me. The reasons why will always be a question for me. It’s all a work in progress but I will get to where I should be one day. That I know for sure.”

This guy and I kept exchanging emails until the universe intervened and let me know it was time for us to part ways again.

It was a natural thing. I stopped writing because I had nothing else to say and he had been more than a good doctor, he had been a good friend as well, the one I always wished for.

It was time for me to move on and start practicing the medicine he applied to me.

And just like that, one day while walking to work and about to cross the street, I see a small convertible car being driven by a guy coming my way.

I let it pass and looked at it while crossing. It was beyond a surreal moment. It was living that moment when I was a teenager all over again.

All those memories came back on a flash. At first I felt sad, but later I felt good. I finally came to terms to that time of my life like I have with so many other moments.

What we shared was meant for that time and only then. Now we’re living different lives and he returned to my life to help me give closure.

Like I said before, one day my life will shift gears and find the man I deserve to have. In the meantime, there will be many roads to cross and walk, but, you know what?

I’m going to be just fine.

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To my surprise, this guy replied a few hours later.

‘Hey, there. It’s great to hear from you. I’m glad to know that you’re living in the area. It’s surprising where life takes you.

I’m sorry about what happened to you. I never thought I would be dealing with the same situation as you. But I’ve been blessed to have a wonderful person and extraordinary woman with me.

Would love to chat with you and share our current state of affairs. Although many years have passed, the memories are always good.’

Wow, he must really have some good ones for responding so quickly, which I wonder what specifically he’s referring to.

I got curious to find out, but, at the same time, if they are positive, why do I need to go there? Why do I feel there’s something unresolved or that I perhaps need to discuss with him to give closure to?

The circumstances at the time just worked against keeping a connection (like the age difference, our individual lives, distance, no social media, etc.), so why not take this opportunity now to just re-establish something and keeping it?

Whatever it is that it’s still spinning around my emotions, I’m just really glad as to what had just happened.

Next step, getting on the phone.



I wrote in the subject area my name and that of school, and graduation year. I thought the first email (considering he would reply to it) was to say ‘hello,’ that I came across his name on the alumni website (all right, not the real truth, but it won’t hurt), and a summary of my post college life until today.

My plan is that if he does reply, and depending on the content and emotion of it (like he replied just for the sake of it, and doesn’t remember, or have no interest in establishing any communication with me), I will reveal to him the real reason I emailed him.

I really hope it turns out how I wish it to be. This situation has been going around my mind for quite some time, and after all I’ve lived, resolved, given closure to, and feel good about it, it would be seen more nicer for this to happen too.

Maybe this would be a good for the universe to intervene.

 

 



After my virtual conversation with ‘reconnect,’ I realized I should try to do the same with other people from school. There is particularly one guy that got interested on my on my junior year of college.

We were seeing each other and I liked him. But my recollection is that I messed it up. I think I let my insecurities get in the way or couldn’t appreciate him fully for what he was for some reason.

Yeah, I surely messed it up. What the hell was wrong with me back then? Why did I push him away, or, did I? I don’t remember what exactly happened that we stopped seeing each other, but this experience has never been forgotten.

It’s one of those that I feel I need to apologize for and give closure for some unknown reason I can’t quite understand.

Don’t know why, but I feel there’s a part of me that maybe is still like that Emma back then. Damn, I feel really bad and don’t like myself much right now.

The more I think about it, the more of giving closure to this situation sounds very good. Maybe it will help, even more my current healing. So, how do I go about in doing this?

 



et cetera