The New M.E. Generation











{October 12, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 5 – Making a move

My time abroad was short lived. Six months into being there, things changed on the project my then husband was working, so it was best to leave, but this time we were to go to the U.S., to the state he was born and raised.

It was a move I always wanted to do, but the transition wasn’t easy. We didn’t have a job, were living with family and me adjusting wasn’t easy.

I didn’t have anything in common with family and friends; had no credit to show for myself, so getting even a store card wasn’t happening. My job experience was in another country and was even questioned if my studies were done at an accredited school.

We were starting from zero when other couples were already settled down. There was a lot going on that would eventually burst the bubble years later.

Eventually all would level down, including moving into a home and reconnecting with my friend. I have no recollection how I learned he had also moved to the states to work with the same company, or how I got his personal and work phone numbers.

I would communicate with him the same way as before, leaving a message and waiting for him to call back. When we spoke, the topics were always the usual and discussed in the same order: how we were, how was work, family, and any news that was important to share.

But this time I was doing the calls from a home office when my ‘x’ wasn’t around. He had expressed to me that he didn’t liked me speaking with my male friends, even though he knew nothing ever happened between us. I resented my ‘x’ deeply for this, but tried to manage it the best way possible.

As time progressed, my then friend switched jobs about 3 times. I think he lost the job with the airline, went back home, then worked with a cargo company, and came back to the states yet again.

One occasion he was here in town for work and all 3 of us had dinner together. It was great seeing him. My ‘x’ didn’t spoke a word the whole night.

There was a second time my friend was in town, but it was during the first period that my ‘x’ left home. I was so confused and scared, I declined having dinner with him, fearing it would make matters worth with my situation. That’s how overwhelmed I was. This was probably the first time I said ‘no’ to my friend.

I don’t recall how much I told him about what was happening or if he commented anything about it, but I would imagine he made himself available for anything he could do for me.

Maybe he didn’t say much because of how delicate the situation was. One thing’s for sure and that was that he would always be on my side, no matter how bad things turned out for me.

He was my friend, period, in the good and bad, for better or worse, in sickness and health, until another kind of ‘death’ did us part.

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{September 21, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 2 – Not seeing it

This guy started talking about a girl he had a relationship with, that they had broken up, but somehow he ended up in her apartment, had sex with her because she managed to get that from him, and when he left the place, was so upset with himself, that he hit the hood of his car so hard it created a dent.

The woman was sitting at the balcony laughing, but not at the car, but at him for getting what she wanted.

The way he referred to the laugh was one of sarcasm, almost as if she was getting even or didn’t care anything about him.

I was listening to him quietly and still in shock, not because of this story, but for this mystery woman.

In all the years we have been friends, I only knew of one during high school. I had seen him with her once in her school. He introduced me to her; I don’t recall if they were holding hands or not, but the way they walked clearly showed they had something together.

The other time I remember her was at a career day at her school. She was alone, but we talked to each other briefly and she never asked me anything about my relationship with this guy.

Looking back I don’t know why I didn’t question him. We both had significant others, but he said that he had feelings for me.

How did this didn’t raise a red flag with me? Was as I too naive, trusted him blindly, or perhaps I was too much into myself that I simply didn’t get it?

And then during and post college years, he didn’t mention any love interests either from his side. In my mind he had never lost his feelings for me. And our conversations usually centered around me as well.

He had his issues as well, but his approach and tone of voice were one of understanding why it was or had happened, and had resolved or come to terms with it, which was the opposite of me.

We had been close friends for the longest time, sharing the good and bad, to the point that we knew the other more than we did ourselves.

So why didn’t he tell me about this, especially when it was obvious that it ended in a chaotic way?

He had always known about the guys in my life, and now with my then ex-spouse, a relationship that at that moment was stable and solid.

I kept listening to him and this guy wanted to talk at that moment. That’s how desperate he was. He was way more broken than when he told me about his grandmother. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this way.

I didn’t wanted to let him down, but I was also on my way to see my then ‘x’. It was a delicate balancing act I never had before.

What I recall after this is that we agreed to discuss it either in person or phone. I continued to my ex’s apartment and didn’t tell him about the incident.

I don’t remember if the conversation ever happened, but I’m sure I probably felt guilty for leaving my friend all sad behind.

He had always been the main man in my life, but now things had changed for me, and certainly for him.

Yep, no matter what, things never remain the same, ever. And it’s not necessarily life that does it, mostly it’s because of us, and many times in the worst of ways.

It’s like a low blow that you didn’t see it coming.



My Senior year was a mix of many emotions. I was proud of myself for getting this far without having resorted to any negative behavior to help me deal with my insecurities I had about myself. I had zero tolerance for drugs and alcohol, and had no interest in even getting close to them.

At home it was just my mom and me. Although I wasn’t happy being there, I enjoyed the alone time I had when my mom was at work.

Although I still had responsibilities, at least I felt some sort of independence and space for myself. All I wanted to do was bring my best in school, graduate and go away.

Many of these feelings still remain with me today. I have become accustomed to my living conditions and like the freedom to do as I want without being judged. I still stay away from anything I believe will be bad for me.

In spite of experiencing way more difficult situations as an adult, I have always known what’s good and bad. I will say I have been very lucky and blessed to never stray.

At school it felt weird not seeing my friend around. I would learn about him when visiting the pharmacy and hair salon. It all seemed he was doing very well, as if the experience of before didn’t have a permanent effect on him.

Ironically, we didn’t write or called each other much that I recall. I would relay a message through his family, which I hoped he would receive.

He moving away was the best thing happening. From my end he looked like a fully developed adult that wouldn’t stop at anything to get ahead.

In spite the distance and lack of communication between us, I didn’t realize how he kept influencing me for the better. He was the best example to follow that you could overcome any situation if that’s what you chose to do.

And now we both have totally distanced from each other by choice. He did it first and I followed when I felt that he became a threat to my emotional balance and wellbeing.

He almost turned my world upside down and I hate him for that, but I didn’t allow it. It was heartbreaking to do, but it was something that I needed to do and don’t regret it.

It has taken me a lot to ‘graduate’ to where I am today. And like when he was my friend, I will continue moving forward, not letting anything deter me in going the distance to reach my dreams.



Surprisingly, he replied a few hours later. ‘I don’t mind what you said. I actually want to meet you. I haven’t mentioned it before because I want to be available when we agree on it.’

I thought his reply sounded reasonable, so I felt the next step would be the right one: asking him for his number.

This would allow me to text him whenever I felt it was time to go out with him, if I got to that point. I could also control the situation and test his patience. I wanted to see how serious he was and how long he was willing to wait for the meeting.

So not wanting to come across as desperate, I waited until the next day to ask for his mobile. He gave it to me about 2 weekdays later around some odd hour when I was already sleeping.

I waited about a week to go by and emailed him on a Saturday morning about just having drinks that night and each traveling to the location separately.

He declined, as he was supposedly complicated that day. Not caring if it was true or not, I waited another week and did the same. This time he wrote he was available.

I then called him that day around 12pm to secure a plan for the night. I then realized I hadn’t given him my name.

He text back to meet at a bar some time after 8pm and that he would call me after finishing work to discuss.

All right, let’s wait and see if he actually follows what he says. And if he does, then I will slightly reschedule my afternoon to include some walking, resting and doing my hair.

Yep, no matter what, you have to look your best, because if not, you’ll end up crossing paths with all the people you don’t want to, especially those of ‘my past life’.

And if it happens with this guy, the gossip will surely reach the ears of some very particular people, which I wouldn’t mind.

Even if this outing ends in nothing, being seen with a much younger and cute guy is starting to sound like a good idea.

Interesting thought considering those people probably never expected much of me after the split. Fact was, they never cared to really know me, so it would be a total shocker.

I would love to see their faces, but, actually, no. I hate putting up a show for whatever the reason. What matters is that I’m living life the way I want to, with all its challenges and adventures.

At the end of the day, I’m the one who’s dealing with all the good and bad, the ups and downs, and all the responsibilities that go with it.

Getting back to dealing with this 20-something, no worries here.



A few months went by and the communication continued either by emails or text messages.

A long weekend was coming up about a month and a half away and was planning a road trip with a guy friend of mine from high school to a location not that close to him, but way closer to where I currently live.

So I wrote him an email that read like this: ‘Don’t know what you will be doing for the long weekend, but I’m going to be upstate with a friend. I’m saying this so you don’t complain to me later that you wished I would have told you.’

He replied a few days later that he didn’t know what his plans were since basically they were governed if he had his kids or not for that week. He also mentioned that the distance between his location and mine was about a 2-hour drive, so when and where we could meet were other logistics to define.

Definition: ‘I’m so busy there’s no way I can move things around and make it happen.’ I knew this was the answer he would give me. No surprise here yet again.

He asked me where I would be staying. I said at my friend’s family home. I took the opportunity to even mention that my friend has been that since my early teens and he lived in another state. I said this because I knew he would question my relationship and didn’t want to ruin the only chance of maybe meeting.

Whichever way I explained it, it was going to be an awkward situation. My school friend has known me forever and has been at my side through all my good and bad moments.

After learning of how the ‘beach guy’ has been behaving, he felt I was having hope on something that would never happen. He knew how badly hurt I’ve gotten in the past and didn’t want me to go through that again.

Then there’s the beach guy. As much as I tell him ‘we’re just friends’, I know he won’t believe that. If I was he, I would really thought it over about driving 2 hours and seeing me with another guy.

Also, where would he sleep if he decided to stay for the night, in the couch?

No definite plans have been decided and my anxiety level is already going overboard.

What is it about me that, no matter what I do, I always have some sort of complicated matter with a guy (or guys)?

Comments? Universe? Any one?



et cetera