The New M.E. Generation











As I continue on my online quest to meet a guy, I did the swipe thing again shortly before my trip with Dina.

This time I connected with one that caught my attention, not because of his looks, but because he worked in the same company as the husband of a girlfriend of mine.

This meant that, one, he should be as good as a person as my GF’s man and, two, I can get any information I want to know about him through my friends, hopefully eliminating all the mysteries surrounding someone you don’t know.

This person, which I will refer to as Bob, looked respectable from his photos. He’s about 5 years older than me and although he has no hair (as in bald, which I never done before of meeting someone like that), I reminded myself to keep my options open, like my bestie always says.

Because I had his first name and that of his employer, I did a search, and found his profiles. The work one had no photo of him, plus the information didn’t seem current, and his social one was very plain. It basically had no content other than the photos he posted of himself in the app.

This is what happens with social media. Either people post too much, or are so closed to the world that you wonder if they’re hiding something. Again, I will try not to jump ahead of myself.

At the same time, if you’re not one who will dedicate time in engaging with your profiles (either personal or professional), then why bother having one?

I think Bob gave me his email before my trip, but did let him know that I was traveling and would touch base with him upon my return, which I did.

He gave me his number and I made the first call on a weekday sometime after work. He picked the call about in the third ring and his voice sounded as one that matched his physical.

We were on the phone for at least an hour and we shared small talk about my trip, work, family, etc., without going to further details, but he seemed to enjoy and interested in what I had to say.

If we did get into a more serious topic, like divorce, it was discussed mildly as in ‘how many years ago it happened’ or other basics.

One thing I didn’t ask him, which probably I should have, was if he was seeing anyone else. He didn’t ask me either and, from what I heard from him, he didn’t sound like he was.

The one detail that was really disappointing was that he lives about an hour or so away from me, which is not what the app showed. I guess the software displays the location of the person of where they are at the moment when one is using the app.

My bad luck with that ‘there’s always something with the guys’ I meet happened yet again. Is this the universe giving me a heads up early on that it won’t happen with this one either? If so, why then did he had to come into my life?

After the first conversation, I called him a couple of more times until I felt that, if he was interested in continuing talking, he should be the one now making the call.

He did a few days later and said on the phone something like, ‘you have been the one calling me, so I thought it was my turn to do so now’. Ok, he seems to be interested.

We eventually spoke a few more times (I believe taking turns) and I think I was the one to ask him if we should meet, to which he accepted.

Since his work is located at a reasonable distance from where I live, I recommended meeting at a bar at a mall near my home on a Friday after work. Although I’ve never been there, the location was one of those with an open design concept that seemed the best one for meeting someone for the first time.

I will admit I was nervous, so much so that I couldn’t decide what to wear. I searched among my clothes some days before looking for something that would click. I put a few ideas aside, but ended up wearing something I decided upon last minute.

Not only did I wanted to make a good impression, I wanted something that I felt represented my personality at that moment. Call me a diva or fashion exaggerated, but my vision was realized.

I remember driving to the mall and walking with these high heels I haven’t worn for a while, so I was trying to establish a flow in the walk as graceful as I could from the parking to the bar, which was all the way to the end of the restaurants wing.

I kept my sunglasses on (trying to pull an Audrey Hepburn) and as I was about to make my entrance to the establishment, I saw how much nicer it was from the internet photos.

And then I see Bob sitting right across the entrance, staring at everyone going in, waiting for me.

What was my reaction when I first saw him? Quite frankly, I don’t remember.

I do remember managing to walk with those heels without a hitch and my dual-tone sunglasses.

Yep, as fashionistas say where I come from: “La moda aunque me joda” (Fashion or bust).

So what happens next? The greeting and sitting down. And everything else, hopefully.

And I’ll need a drink for all that. Cheers!



{November 7, 2016}   The Swipe 7 – First impressions

Cameron and I agreed to meet at the bar of a family restaurant. I thought this would be the best way to do so, as if things don’t go along as you hoped for, then you can end the night early without much fuzz.

He showed up on time (which I liked), but wearing his usual work outfit, a printed t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. This is standard dressing for guys in my company, but if you’re going out on a first date, wouldn’t you amp up your style just a little bit, in an effort to make a good impression? I did.

Obviously this is all he’s got (clothes that is) and, sorry for saying this, has no idea what’s going on with men’s fashion, as printed t-shirts are now out of style and looks like will not make a comeback any time soon. In other words, his creativity on this surely failed.

We spoke about many things, but primarily on our relationships status. I shared some of my experiences and how the dating app has resulted in 2 disappointing connections so far.

He explained to me that he was going through a divorce, because his wife had gotten involved with another man (ouch!). She claims to be really into him and has even introduced this guy to her children (2 daughters; 13 and 10 years old) (second ouch!), all the while Cameron is living in his own apartment waiting for this whole mess to get resolved.

As a result, his work performance suffered greatly, which eventually lead him to being let go. Luckily, he was able to find another job rather quickly, thanks to the help of other people who also got laid off.

“Imagine being told by your spouse that they want a divorce and that they already have someone else,” said he to me. “Of course I had no mind for work and didn’t get the support from my colleagues that I needed at the time, so I was bound to fail in the long run.”

I told him that ‘I was exactly in your shoes some 8 years ago’, and that there’s no right answers to what to do or not when going through this. ‘Take one day at a time,’ was the best advice I thought I could give him then.

But, honestly, had I been in his place, I would have asked that whore wife of mine to move out with her male bitch boyfriend (and see how much this affair really survived), as well as keeping custody of the kids during the process. I wouldn’t have allowed for a stranger to set foot on a home I purchased with my efforts, and that surely has already spent many nights on the bed I used to share with my former spouse.

And introducing your lover to my kids? F@&* that! That’s showing you don’t care about anything or anyone except yourself.

Another comment that was raising brows was that he had dated a 24-year-old woman for 4 months, when he is 48 (this is a red flag which I will comment more later).

This is so typical of people to do, of getting involved with someone right away during or after a divorce, especially when in a situation like his where there’s cheating. And it is always for the wrong reasons, which is basically trying to show the cheater that, hey, you got yourself a lover, well, I have mine now.

And the icing on the cake being that she’s way younger than the wife (more like old enough to be Cameron’s daughter). It’s like a competition of trying to outdo in a bigger scale what the other person has done to you. Call it revenge, call it getting even, it’s all a need of ‘giving you a taste of your own medicine’ for the pain that has been inflicted on you.

The reason for the break-up with the 24-year-old, according to him, was that she expressed that she would like to have kids in the future and he doesn’t want any more, so at the end of a long, extensive conversation, they decided to call it quits.

I wasn’t buying the whole thing, as I very much know there’s two sides to every story, but because it was already in the past, I felt it was better not to expand on it when I didn’t even know how this date would end.

I didn’t ask him how long ago this happened, which was a mistake from my part. Depending on this detail, it can make a difference on any future relationship, especially if recent, because that means a person is not ready for a new one just yet.

The other red flag I didn’t give much thought to was when I asked him if he has gotten himself ‘fixed’. He told me ‘no’.

Dude, if you already decided you don’t want any more kids, you should take care of that right now! If you don’t, then it means you’re not 100% on board with this.

And why weren’t you upfront on this matter when you got involved with the 24-year-old? Even more, why risk having an ‘oopsie moment’? Put your ‘mucho macho’ ego aside (you’re not that hot to begin with) and get it done!

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the night was when he asked me if I was friends with Dina. Turns out that he had met her some years back in another state when he interviewed her at ad agency he worked at.

Even more surprising was that the current ad agency that Cam works for, as well as Dina’s and mine, all belong to one main company.

Dina and Cam share the same office space (different companies), and Cam recognized Dina because he saw a post of her on my social media.

Cam then said that he ‘sees her almost every day at the kitchen during lunch, but doesn’t talk to her because he doesn’t know her personally’.

Curiously, I know them both; Dina knows me, but doesn’t ‘know’ him; Cameron knows me and ‘knows’ her. Sounds confusing? It sure does, more like a ‘who knows who’ triangle.

Instead of me thinking that Dina will probably be happy to know that I’m dating Cameron (if that was to happen), I was thinking of her more as someone who could keep an eye on him. But that wouldn’t be right of me to ask, and for her to do, especially at work.

So what plan of action will it be? Too early to say. Honestly, if I survive this night and move forward to other meetings, I’ll consider it a small victory in my never-ending dating saga.

Meanwhile, I’ll just drink to it all. Cheers!

 

 

 

 



“I’ve been single for a while now and I envisioned my life being something totally different from what it is now,” wrote I. “ I was confident I would have a boyfriend for sure and probably be remarried, sharing a home together.

I’m also not happy with my job. I work a lot which doesn’t leave me with that much time to have a social life; that in turn makes meeting a guy even less of a chance.

In general, I’m frustrated. I am making an effort in turning my life around but it has not worked the way I wanted.

So I feel alone, stuck, upset and much more about everything in general. What can I say? My life sucks. Hopefully this will answer your question.”

“I’m surprised you are telling me all this,” said he.” “I remember you being very happy, funny and cheerful.

I respect that you may not want to get into details about what happened to you before, as those stories I’m sure are plentiful and not always pleasant to go back to.

I only hope that you eventually get what you’re seeking.”

He remembers me for all that? Really? What I recall is that I wasn’t that much present in his life, but, hey, if I made such a good impression, that’s good.

I’m still wondering how I was able to be that during those years. My parents had divorced and I was a teenager in high school. It was a very difficult and confusing time dealing with all that. I didn’t know how I was going to pull through, but I knew I would, somehow. Sounds sort of  my life now.

And probably I gravitated towards him seeking what I was missing in my life that time.

Oh, gawd, why am I still on ‘repeat’ mode? Why can’t I just go ‘forward’ and never ‘rewind’ again?

 



About a half hour later, Christian finally called back. “Done! Headed your way already. Should be there any minute now.”

I literally grabbed my things, jumped out of the car and ran towards the marina. When I got there, Christian and his buddy were waiting for my arrival.

When I got there I was almost out of breath. “Hello again,” said I to him. He introduced me to his fishing buddy.

And off we went! It was not the first time I’ve been in a boat (this one was about 20-25 feet long, pretty much what I’ve been before), so I knew how to maneuver around it.

The day was perfect for taking a boat ride. There was not a lot of wind, making it easy to sail. Jumping waves may sound like a lot of fun to you. But when a boat this size starts jumping up and down hard, better have a strong stomach ‘cause you’re going to feel it.

We cruised for about 15 minutes until we reached a shallow area in the middle of the open water that it’s a favorite for small boats and people to hang out.

The area was pretty full, so finding where to anchor was no easy task. Because I’ve been in boats before, I tried to help in whatever way possible. I was determined to at least give a good impression of a skilled boater if all else failed (I meant whatever happened after today’s encounter).

When all was under control, Christian and I stepped off the boat and sat on the water. His buddy stayed behind.

Christian and I were sitting face to face looking at each other and (now that the meeting finally occurred), neither one had any idea what to say. We were totally speechless.

Is this crazy or what?

He finally broke the silence. “So, we finally made it.”

“Yeah, I thought it would never happen.”

So what am I now supposed to do? Do I hug him? Kiss him? Ask a trivia question?

Another divine intervention please!



et cetera