The New M.E. Generation

I was still trying to get over the cancelled event and annoying ‘no-phone’ situation, so I made a move I thought would probably backfire at me: I called him.

I did it because I wanted to see how he would react and determine if this was another guy I just needed to shelf away sooner than later.

I called, went to voicemail. Don’t recall if I left a message or not. Incredibly, he called back. It was a quick conversation; he sounded rushed and not into exchanging much conversation. Can’t recall the content of it, but I did mention that ‘if I call you is because it’s something important’.

I know I’ve respected his position, but this was totally unnecessary for me to say. I should be able to call and speak to anyone I want. He’s the one with the problem.

If he understands that because of my age (he thinks I’m no older than 35 [a.k.a., a millennial]; which I’m not on both) and a woman that engages in mindless conversation representative of my supposed generation and gender, then he’s really someone who needs to get updated, as the person acting like one is him.

I put the incident aside and continued limiting my morning commute texting. As Friday was winding out, I got his message about meeting for lunch the next day. I accepted again.

Next morning I followed up. He reconfirmed, mentioned he had been working out, and if I would mind him wearing a shirt and bermudas. “That would be fine with me,” said I. I’ll give him credit that at least he asked.

The location is inside a mall in their restaurant floor, so when I entered the area from the opposite side of the door to the eatery, I could see LZ1 outside waiting for me.

When we finally came face to face and heard him say, “so glad we finally meet!” with a laugh (or a live lol), I said to myself, ‘what’s with his tone of voice? sounds squeaky’. It was one of those ‘now I know why’ moments (remember the ‘no phone calls’ thing?).

But after we sat down and the nervousness went away, the conversation flowed quite well. So much that I wondered why this wouldn’t carry over the phone.

From my side, he was courteous, well-behaved and mannered, and didn’t say anything that was concerning to me just yet. Like those comments that makes you realize that there’s nothing in common, or having a particular way of being so different from yours it will always be an issue (like smoking, being a veggie, for example).

We both stayed away from getting into details about our personal life, including marital status, children, and dating experiences.

Overall I was happy with the outcome of the day. I know it will take a lot more to get a better overview, but so far it was a good start.

LZ1 walked me to my car. Before I took off, I stood in front of him, smiled, and thanked him for such a nice time. I then let him do the talking.

He sort of got nervous again and asked ‘if I would be interested in seeing him again, maybe spent time together during the summer’, to which I said ‘yes’ in a cordial way. He then gave me a quick kiss on my lips and left. That was it.

His car was parked in another lot; I know I could have suggested taking him to it, to finally see it up close and personal, but I’ve learned my lesson: if a guy is interested, he will let you know.

Coincidentally, that night I also met up with my BFF (the one that scolded me about the gas station incident). I wore the same thing I did for the lunch, to which she complemented me.

When I shared that I had lunch with this guy a few hours earlier, she showed some surprise and interest. I spoke about it in a neutral tone of ‘let’s see what happens’. She still wasn’t that much impressed and reiterated again that she hoped all ended favorably.

As the day finally came to an end and went to sleep, my mind was again spinning a million thoughts like the first time I encountered LZ1. Instead of being happy and excited, I was staring at the ceiling. And that’s a scary place to be at, because when it does, it can only mean one thing: here’s comes those bad feelings again.







Things were off to a good start with this guy, or so it seemed. He kept quiet to himself after he started working as, ‘I have to make up for the lost money. Trying to work as many hours as I can, even weekends if that happens.’

It also seemed the living arrangements were working out as well. After the ‘people issues’ he had with co-workers in the Pacific, I was wondering if he would achieve of staying at the guy’s residence without incidents until he had enough money to move out to a place of his own.

One thing that didn’t change was his visits to church. Don’t get me wrong, but he was again isolating himself from the rest of the world, only associating himself with people that shared his mentality and way of being.

What also bothered me about his fanaticism was that if we spoke, he would be more interested in knowing that I had gone to church than me telling him about a guy I met. Even if I felt alone going to church by myself, or that perhaps mass wasn’t really working for me, all he cared was that I went, not how practicing my faith was making me feel or having an impact in my life.

Because of this I also started keeping personal matters to myself, so as not to get judged (or preached) by him as to what I had to do. So instead I concentrated on talking about trivial things like, “hey, I got a friend invitation from a guy from your high school class. I think you two were good friends back then? I don’t understand why he, or other guys, that I didn’t have anything with, send me this. I mean, he appears on the photo with a woman and children, so it makes me question what he wants from me,” said I.

“That guy you’re mentioning, yes, we were friends for some time, but I eventually distanced from him because he was doing certain things I wasn’t confortable with. But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t changed. And it seems he’s doing well from the photo you’re describing. Why he wants to ‘friend’ you is confusing to me too, but I would just ignore it.

I get invitations all the time as well. Some of those I delete instantly and others I keep, think it over, and then decide what to do, like with this girl…,” said he.

I don’t recall asking him anything about this particular female, but what I understood from him was that this was someone from way back who ‘he hadn’t heard about in years,’ that ‘he didn’t know how she managed to find him online, but she did,’ and that ‘I don’t know why she has reappeared at this point in my life.’ He spoke the last part with a tone that he was really analyzing if he should speak or not to her, handling the situation like it was a very delicate matter.

From what I remember him for, if it was someone that had hurt him badly in the past, he wasn’t very open in giving people second chances. It was more of, ‘you mess up with me, you mess it up with me for good’. That he would listen to what others had to say, maybe; it all depended on the severity of the incident and how things ended between both parts.

It wasn’t necessarily about forgiveness, even though that’s what Christianity teaches (to which he applied to his convenience), it was more of resolving whatever was left pending and each one going their separate ways again.

The way he expressed himself made it look like that, whatever happened, it was still much alive within him and not at all forgotten; that ‘I’m not allowing it to happen again,’ or perhaps that ‘so now you’re back, after all you did? really? what do you take me for?’

He made it sound that he had received the invite a while back and was letting it ‘marinate’, as in doing it on purpose to make the other person ‘sweat’, or make her feel she was in some sort of limbo for not getting a ‘yes or no’ response. Now looking back it seems more this guy wanted to punish this person from afar.

What’s puzzling is that he has been extremely open about the bitchy ex and relationship, but kept anything related to this mystery woman sealed like it was a ‘top secret’ matter, while I was added to the mixture when he has told me that ‘you and I could make a good team if we were together’. He had even invited me to go visit him in the past. Sounds like a bad case of ‘musical chairs’ where you switch people around for your own benefit, without all participants knowing about it.

Yep, that’s how naive I was for believing him, or other guys, on whatever they said. This guy may not be into second chances, but I did, far too much, which was an invitation over and over to getting burned, lied, used, and unappreciated.

Reality is, sometimes we don’t need to visit the past, especially with us women. I’ve learned that the facts are right there in front of us; it’s just that we don’t want to see them.

If someone comes back, it’s fine to listen to what they have to say. Maybe they have indeed changed for the better. But, please, just do that: listen, you talk, give closure, move on.

You can also change as a person, but you can never change what happened or the hurt that came with it. Do with the guys the same as with the invites: ‘delete’ them. Forgive yourself, give the second chances to you only, and stop playing games with your feelings. That’s it; end of story.


I waited about 2 days and called him before going to sleep. To my surprise, he answered the phone.

Once again, he sounded he wasn’t exactly on this world; it was more like being away on dreamland, but not upset that I called.

“Oops, did I wake you up?” asked I.

“No, I’m in bed relaxing.”

Hmm, it felt very inviting for a moment. Yet, he has always shared his space with all those problematic women, but never with me. I wondered why and couldn’t find an answer.

“All those women you date got you all worn out?” continued I.

“I only date one woman at a time, you know that.”

“Sounds to me like one far too many.”

Ivan didn’t answer. He knows I’m right and I’m sure he wasn’t interested in me giving him a speech yet again about how badly he manages his love life.

“I wanted to call you to thank you for listening to me the other day. I know I got all emotional, but it was all bottled up and just couldn’t control myself.”

“I understand. No worries. Listen, there’s a free dating site you should try.”

“What?? Didn’t you say to me you wanted to take a break? How many women have you met or dated?”

“Just a few, but that was not a recent thing. I really intend to be on my own for a while.”

“At the rate you’re going, next time I speak with you, I bet you’re in a relationship, maybe living with that person, you eloped or moved to the other side of the world. With you, anything is possible.”

“It’s also possible that for once in my life I will finally follow through on what I say.”

“You know what will happen next? I will get into this site you’re talking about and come across your photo.”

“No, it’s not active right now.”

“It’s a surprise to hear that, but a good start indeed. I will give it a try and let you know.”

“You will find someone. Remember, be patient. Everything will be good in the long run. Trust me.”

Trust you when you can’t even do that with yourself? Please, don’t make me laugh! Actually, it’s not a bad idea.

And regarding the site, hey, it’s free. What have I got to lose?

For starters, my dignity and sanity. That can be followed by my lack of patience and sense of lost hope that I will ever meet someone worth anything.

I know Ivan means well, but he’s the last person whom I would take romantic advice.

On that aspect, trust me, I know, plenty.

et cetera