The New M.E. Generation











{August 31, 2015}   Looking Back 49 – Well done

The next day, Sunday, I woke up trying not to think about the incidents that had occurred the previous days. I try to do that with a daily routine of making coffee, picking up the bed, have breakfast, wash the dishes, get ready and go, either to work or run errands.

I couldn’t go to church the day before because of a heavy downpour that kept me at home. I definitely needed some spiritual distraction. His comments had touched a nerve with me on issues I have worked really hard to resolve. Even more, I was determined not to have anyone or anything disrupt my tranquility.

All these single years have been about me and I was not going to revert of losing who I was now as a person. It had taken me a lot of effort to develop an outside shell that just repelled all attacks or negativity that came my way.

He may be done with me and so do I with him, but there was something for me to say to be really that.

‘BTW, every time I reach out to you you’re busy. Then you appear out of nowhere and expect me to drop everything to be with you?’ text I.

‘Emma, I am busy. I have multiple businesses. No big deal. Just don’t bust my balls to come to Miami. I had a limo all weekend and could have come to you, although my suite is way nicer and more comfy. I could have sent the car for you. It didn’t work out. I’m not a planner…just the way I am.’

‘Fine but that’s how I operate. If you had told me ahead of time would have been better. My life may seem bland to you but it’s mine and I’m fine with it. It was very hurtful from your part bringing out my ex.’

‘All good. I need to get on a private jet now. You’re hung up on that. Let it go. It’s holding your life back.’

‘That’s my problem, not yours.’

‘And I let it go. So there. You’re the one always bringing it up.’

First of all, the suite you were may be awesome for you, but you’re been very rude downgrading my place. In fact, you’re been a total dick. I’m very comfy here, even when watching reruns. It’s my little kingdom and wouldn’t change it. And if your ‘balls’ aren’t into coming my way, why should I move mine for you?

Second, that I bring the ex up, really? When? We never talk. You’re always busy. You said it yourself. Again, had I complied with doing exactly as he wanted, nothing of this ‘conversation’ would have been said.

Third, you say you’re not a planner? Guess what, neither do I. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m desperate to have sex with the first guy that comes along. You do with your life the same I do, whatever I want.

The limo suite and else sounds very inviting, but they feel as shallow as you, because there’s no feelings in them, other than fulfilling your needs.

You’re treating me as one of your other ‘toys’ that you have at you disposition to use whenever you want. You might think you can turn me ‘on’ whenever you want, but you’re really turn me ‘off’ time and again.

And as usual, the battle of words happened, but I was glad I said what I said.

I left my apartment very peaceful. It was a feeling that after today there would be no more communications between us both.

It was as if I had finally closed the chapter with this one and I’m glad it did. I felt stronger, more confident as a woman, and that’s all worth it.

So you see ‘beach guy’, I did take my life back as you told me to, but you’re no longer in it because I let go of what I really needed to: you. Done.

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In spite of my very early ‘wake-up call’, I did manage to get a good night’s sleep. When I woke up I was feeling rested and decided to stay in bed.

But after a short while the blurry memory of the text message came back. I felt compelled in reading it in full, but decided not to. I just didn’t want to get upset again more than I had been the day before.

I decided to avoid loosing control and give myself a good breakfast with some strong coffee. Then I sat down and decided what to do next.

I had two choices, either delete the message or call him and express my discontent with what he wrote. Sounds good but getting him on the phone, that’s an impossible.

So, yes, why don’t I try the second when I will most probably won’t get my message across? If he doesn’t answer I’ll leave a message to call me back, erase the text and continue with my day as usual.

All right, let’s do this … and it’s ringing, ringing, waiting for the call to go to voicemail, and … he answered!

“Hey, how are you?” asked I.

“Fine, how about you?” said he.

Wow! For the first time that I remember, he’s finally talking normal.

“Listen, I know our dates haven’t been the best, but your message in the wee hours of the morning was too much,” said I.

“Sorry, I was drunk.” (No kidding, but at least we finally agree on something.) “But you shouldn’t have let me drive home.” (Here we go again!)

“Well, guess what? I’m not having sex with you. Second of all, it is my apartment and I will do whatever I want.”

“OK, OK, I’m sorry!”

I don’t remember what else was said, but it ended in a ‘in between’ note, meaning neither good or bad. How many times will there be an ending? When will the end of the end finally occur?



And the connections kept on coming. But this time I wanted to connect with a guy I had known since my adolescent years which who I had lost touch with all together.

The last time I saw him I was with my ‘x’ back home eating at a deli when I bumped into him. I had not seen him for at least 10 years.

When I saw him again we were quite happy to see each other. I introduced him to ‘that guy’ and he gave me his business card. After I got back to ‘the city’, I misplaced the card or something and didn’t follow-up on contacting him.

Probably more like I putted the card away and forgot about it. My ‘x’ had an issue with me reconnecting with guys from my past, regardless if they had been just that, friends.

It didn’t matter if those former friends were a thousand miles away and I would probably never get to see them again. That guy I was married to with was so insecure, he felt threatened by them, but on what?

I mean, my ‘x’ was unhappy with me for many things, personal and physical. So instead of taking those feelings and figured it out and/or resolved them for the better, he would instead tell me he didn’t like me being friends with any guy.

My ‘x’ was such a jerk that what he was communicating was that he didn’t trust me, and I had to cut ties with others so I would ‘deviate’ from him.

He accomplished that and much more by isolating me and giving up my friendships, and what I represented for myself at that time.

I did not contact this former friend, which I later regretted. After the separation occurred, I confronted my ‘x’.

“You have no idea how much damaging that was to me you saying I had to cut ties with former guy friends,” said I.

He gave me a look of not knowing what I was talking about. Of course, he was never wrong at anything, only me.

“Who the hell you think you were to tell me who I can or can not be friends with?”

His eyes were wide open and a face he was freaking out. He had never seen or hear me this, finally standing up for myself.

“Guess what? I am friends now with all of them.”

“I don’t remember,” said he, “but all I can say is that I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not!” said I, “You’re saying that now because you’ve always been in denial. If you had been sorry or cared about so many other issues, things would have been a lot more different.”

My ‘x’ lowered his face and eyes. I hope he feels guilty for a long time. But, unfortunately, he’s emotionally retarded, meaning he doesn’t get it. But at least I finally told him how I felt.



et cetera