The New M.E. Generation











Later on that day, I did get to rest a little by taking a nap. While my thoughts wandered into an unknown place in my mind, I started remembering certain moments from the past I had somewhat forgotten. Tears came down as I thought about them and tried to push them away.

I debated yet again if I should share them with him. A part of me felt I would look desperate if I did, while the other reminded me that, as he recently told me, “it doesn’t change anything.”

Me: “I don’t know why I’m remembering this, but there was a time when I was walking to school. You came down the street in your 2-door Fiat with the top off as always. You offered me a ride for the remainder of the trip. Was so nervous I didn’t say a word.” (And that I sat properly with my hands resting on my lap. Didn’t want the ride to end so quickly, but was more concerned about what other people would think when they saw us.)

“There was another occasion in the same car when you grabbed my hand and placed it in the shift stick. I took my hand away after some time. You then grabbed it again and placed it back. This time you held it with your hand so it would stay” (which means we were holding hands while taking a drive).

“I’m not sure if this last was the same day when you looked at me closely, made a hand gesture of moving your index finger towards you and saying ‘come here’ to me. I did with a face off ‘what?’ and then you gave me a big kiss.

The truth is that after all these years that I’ve had my own 2-door vehicle, have never been able to keep my hand off entirely when shifting gears and thinking of you when driving.

Who would have said that I would see you again. And that I would forget about you. And now you appeared again. And knowing that no matter what I feel, like you said correctly, nothing will change. Such is life.”

He made no comments to any of this. And I wasn’t expecting any, because that’s how he is. He’s one of those people that react to something by not reacting at all.

Hate to admit that the last day I saw him caused my inner-self to become unbalanced. And that’s because he’s always kept a distance much like a wall between us.

When at the apartment, when he kneeled in front of me and looked straight into my eyes, and I said that I was at peace with us (or that I’m over you), that wall came down upon him placing his hands on my knee.

He realized he was about to lose me and decided to enter my world for the first time. But that didn’t last long. When he said ‘I don’t know what to do with you’, he essentially regressed to his old self of distancing and leaving things in a limbo.

He had the chance of changing everything and didn’t take it. He made the choice of staying with the blonde.

As the weeks progressed, I kept some communication with him. I remembered out of the blue that his birth date was basically mine in reverse with a month difference.

The last time I contacted him was for the long summer weekend. Then the hurricane warnings and my birthday occurred. Nothing happened from his part considering we live on the same state.

As the storm battled my city and I survived many days without power, I took the time to allow the winds of change to set in and find my balance once more. And just like everything that got washed away, so did him and everything he represents.

He might have said things don’t change, but I did. With myself. And him. I took him out of my life with the same strength I did before. It’s the calm after the storm. It surely is.

Update: A week after the hurricane hit, on a Saturday, around 7:30 pm, I get the following text.

Him: “Hope you weathered the storm ok. Just got power and have been working on the property all day.”

I replied with a first text of summarizing that I was unable to celebrate my birthday because it was the day before the storm reached my area; that didn’t stay in my apartment during the event; that neither my home or car suffered damages; that my employer reopened the office mid-week, and I was presently getting up-to-date.

The second one read: “I’m glad you’re fine and hope your things get back to normal soon.”

Him: “Thanks. You too.”

So there it is. No surprise here, as usual.

He didn’t reach out when Maria hit, asking me how my mom was in the island, considering that because of me going to the beach with her, is how I met him, and it’s the place we both grew up and went to school together.

I know he’s not obliged to do anything. But it’s not right either. Simply said: he doesn’t care. And that’s the last memory I’ll have of him before I sign off from him for good.

“Although there’s pain in my chest, I still wish you the best, with a ‘forget you’.” – Cee Lo Green – Forget You

 

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About 2 weeks later, I came across LZ1 again while en route to work. I was surprised how fast it happened from the last one.

I was driving in the center lane, as usual. He quickly appeared to my right and, for a few seconds, we were almost side by side before he speeded up to change lanes, looking for open road to drive faster.

He didn’t notice me because I was in my new car, a dark blue 4-door different from the previous gray 2-door, which made me stand out in a whole other way in all the years I had the other one. Plus I was wearing my hair in a ponytail, which made me less recognizable at first sight.

Me: “Morning”. My car chase began, but he really stepped on it that day, so much it made it hard for me to catch up with him.

Incredibly, I managed to get right behind him when he switched to my lane and the car behind his moved aside.

I hit another red light. I couldn’t see if he was looking around for me like the day of the ‘I’m a ghost’ episode.

I even went as far as taking many photos of the back of his car and making gestures to see if he noticed the presence of someone behind him.

A few more lights later, he then moved to the left, and I was able to get right next to him.

He was completely oblivious to his surroundings, pretty much like everyone else. I had to wave my hand a little more than needed to wake him up from his limbo.

When he finally sees me, he waves back enthusiastically, with a face of surprise like those of ‘hey, how are you?!’. I then changed my hand gesture to one of ‘I’ll be seeing you’ and kept going.

Him (about 5 minutes later): “I see. New car. Nice one. Morning.”

Me: “Time changes everything. Was behind you for long.” I then forwarded a photo of the back of his car with the infamous “Led Zep1” plate.

Him: “I see that now. Had no idea.

Me (with a quote from the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off): “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Him: “Yep.”

Me: “Well, it was nice seeing you again.”

Him: “Same here.”

Me: “Still dealing with your grand problem?”

(Recap: when he sent me the text that he couldn’t see me any more, he made a mention about a big problem he has regarding work that hasn’t been resolved, plus another one that has come up which made matters worse. So much, according to him, that they would make it very difficult for him to be with me.

He also said, ‘don’t want to talk about it’, so I will never know if such situation is true, or just a mere story he came up with to look legit and let go of me without looking like an ass. I’ll settle for the second.)

Him: “Somewhat, but things have settled down quite a bit.”

Me: “Good.”

I waited for him to continue the conversation as he has done before (as in maybe him opening up somewhat about what is really happening in his life), or just say any random thing. But no; that was it.

By this time I was already at work, so I knew that the best thing to do was just end the chat in a ‘good note’ and keep on with my day.

So the question is, once more, what will I do if I come across him again, if that? Not sure. All I know is that everything has a start and finish (like a car race).

This happens because we either take action on it, or the universe does it for us when it decides that now is the time for that.

If it understands that there’s still something pending, being today or in the next millennium, it will make us ‘race’ for it and ‘cross the finish line’ until it gets resolved.

Start your engines!

 

 



‘I can’t miss this guy again,’ said I to myself while hoping that the vehicles in front would move far enough for me to get next to his car. (‘Keep going, keep going… Yes! Made it!’) I’ve never been this happy at a red light.

I lowered my window and notice he’s not looking at his mobile (yay!). I wave my hand and say ‘hi’ to him. He stares back at me.

The light changes and his lane moves faster than mine. I notice that he lowers the passenger’s window.

I was so excited like in those scenes in a rom-com movie that you thought would never happen in real life. Only ingredient missing was having my BFF’s with me and shouting our lungs out like high school teenagers.

I hit another red light and was able to position my vehicle again close to him. The guy is smiling and gives me a very nice ‘hi’ back.

Me: “I’ve seen your car like 2 times before.”

He: “I’ve seen yours too” (not the best pick-up line, but who cares?).

Me: “Are you with the band?” (I asked because it’s a known fact that there’s many celebrities in the city I live at).

He: “No, I’m just an old Rock guy. You?”

Me: “I’m not a rocker, but who doesn’t know ‘Stairway to Heaven?” (I make a ‘rock on’ facial expression and hand gesture that goes with it).

He: “This is a very unusual way to meet someone.”

Me: “Yes it is… Are you single?” (please, please, please, let it be ‘yes’).

He: “Yes” (yes!!!).

We look at each other like, is this the part where we exchange our numbers or what?

Because my phone was locked and the light changed to green, I shouted mine through the window for the whole highway to hear. He told me his name, I gave him mine. He called and hanged up so I could save his mobile (which I did under ‘Mr. LedZep1’). And there he went.

I was really proud of myself for being ballsy for what I had just done. During the last leg of my commute, I started remembering other similar moments throughout my life that I took an innocent risk like the one today and paid off.

It made me feel good about myself, but sort of sad as well. Good because this was long overdue of doing something unexpected. Sad because I wondered how much this side of me has been lost.

Maybe I’ve got my mojo back and this was an example that proves it. Perhaps it has been dormant because no other guy (or situation) has recently inspired me to bring it out. Until now.

Whatever it is, I really love when I have a ‘something funny happened on the way to’ moment. It makes everything look so much different.

Question is, should I tell my BBF’s or keep it quiet? How about, lets see what happens first and then decide?

 



et cetera