The New M.E. Generation











I have been pretty good in keeping my own promise of not contacting other guys.

Some have sent me messages once in a while just to inquiry about me.

I would read the message, analyze the content, as well as time and date received, and then reply, but not right away.

I know I don’t have to reply, but good manners never go out of style, and they reflect who I am as a person, so will keep it up.

One thing I’ve done different is that I don’t ask them ‘when are we seeing each other?’. If they were the ones to ask, then I would reply as brief as possible: ‘Don’t know. You tell me.’

Of course they would never follow-up, so at least I would ‘feel’ good that they remember me for whatever reason that may have been.

The year came and went, and when the holidays were approaching, I thought about just wishing then good things as you’re supposed to. Besides, I had no regrets or hard feelings, so, why not?

The thought circled my mind for days, but with work and projects pending before vacation started, I kept telling myself to do it for days, but wouldn’t get around to do it.

When I finally made the time to do so, I get a text no other than from Ivan. It was like my thoughts had text him instead.

He was one of those that were on my mental list to contact.
In spite of his many failed relationships and tons of dispensed advice to him, plus all those times he said ‘we will definitely meet’, which he never got to, there has always been something about this guy that brings me back to him. Trying to decipher what that is as complex for me as trying to understand what really happened that we’re not together.

“Happy holidays”, text he.

“Thanks! Likewise. How’s life treating you?” (meaning as if you’re involved with someone). Last time I spoke with him he had recently ended the relationship ‘for good’ after endless attempts.

The breakup and comebacks were so bad, I told him at one point that I didn’t know what was worse, his tumultuous relationships or me not having found a boyfriend since becoming single.

“What are your plans?” asked he then.

“Staying around. Got some invitations. You?”

“Leaving town, but will be back before the new year. We definitely need to do something when I return.”

“Sounds good. Call me. Have fun.”

I know he won’t call, not even if Santa appeared to him. It’s one of those things you stopped believing in when you learn the truth about it, but just don’t want to let go off.

It was a great feeling when you got what you once wished for and one just wants to feel it again.

After all, isn’t that’s what the season about, believing?

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The ‘What do you think about dating younger men?’ sentence kept staring at me like the fate of the world depended on it.

If felt like those moments when you have to make an important decision or decipher a situation that you don’t want to tackle when you probably know the outcome beforehand.

Some examples include: Am I pregnant? Is this guy into me or not? ‘Should I do something new to my hair? Should I tell my girlfriend the real truth about her relationship when she asks ‘my opinion’ on the matter?

I know I’m not obliged to answer this question, but in a certain matter I did, not for him, but for myself. He’s just somebody who somehow found me on the site and presented me with a question.

I’m not new to this situation, but his inquiry kept spinning in my head as if I was analyzing it for the first time (see The Accidental Cougar and Another Cougar Moment).

On one hand I know there’s no future on it as it has been rightfully proven to me. But I’m also trying to keep an open mind and give myself the opportunity to live the things that are presented to me. If I don’t, I’ll probably never get to where I need to.

Then, what do I think about this today? Well, for starters, he’s cute, seems to have a nice body, has career goals that seem to be headed the right way, and obviously knows how to have fun.

Then there’s the issue of the tongue sticking out. I was having a dual feeling about it, meaning gross as in where and in what he’s been applying it; the other was a curiosity of his abilities of what he could do with it.

So, am I going to base my decision an infamous body part or what I actually think on the younger man/older woman issue?

‘Been there, done that,’ wrote I. ‘I think this is more of what you’re hoping to get out of it.’

I didn’t want to get into a long reply. Asking me this question is definitely not intended to opening the lines of communication. Besides, I’m sure what he really wants is to put his body part into work (well, it depends of what he thinks about me physically).

And getting too detailed or negative on my content will make me come across as something I’m not (like a bitch). If he gets in a mode I don’t like, I’ll just delete him and move on as if nothing has happened.

I exited the site right after I replied to the message and kept going with my night. I may have analyzed this issue again, but I already know what to do if this situation doesn’t stick.

NEXT!



I don’t know how long had passed when I remembered about Ivan and his trip. I think I did about a month or so after he told me he intended to travel.

To be honest, I had forgotten about him all together when, one day, he came to mind.

What made me remember him is still a mystery. I had been quite busy with my life, was in the middle of something and (‘ding!’), there he was.

I stopped what I was doing and thought about him. But I wasn’t feeling much other than that I hoped he made the trip and had fun. That’s it.

It hadn’t been that long since I last saw him, but it felt eternal. It was like a blur, like someone who I met a long time ago and had no idea presently of their whereabouts.

The memory of them is sparked by some association or by ‘divine intervention,’ or no explanation of how the recall came to occur. And when you remember them you ask yourself, ‘whatever happened to that person?’

I thought about texting Ivan, but decided not to. He didn’t call me before or after his trip, so I felt there was no worth reason to do so.

After this ‘short-term memory,’ I forgot about Ivan all together until a long weekend came around. I did not have much of a plan and he came again into my mind. (Wonder if he finally got a few days off?)

I texted him. ‘Hey, you’re around this weekend?’

‘Yes, but I have friends visiting,’ answered he, some time later, as usual.

‘Have fun. Take care.’ (Another waste of my time.)

And that was it (one more time). I never contacted him again and, you know what? I’m fine with it. Actually, I feel pretty good.

Come to think about it, he’s probably the first guy that didn’t shake my existence out of whack.

Sad part is that Ivan had someone who was willing to love him endlessly, more than any girl that he contacts online hands down. I bet you anything on that.

But, he chose not to be with me. No, he chose not to give himself that chance to feel loved.

Unfortunately, it’s his loss, not mine.

Logging out.



“Heey, good morning! How are you feeling??” asked Dina.

“Good.” I said, “Thanks for the aspirins, they surely worked.”

She then gave me a look of ‘…and who is he?’ Dina has been wishing for me to finally hook up with somebody. So every time I spoke with a guy, she will stand next to me to be the first witness in this major world event.

Being first also meant getting ‘the full monty’ of all details, even if, honestly, nothing happened. ‘What do you mean nothing happened?’ was her usual remark, followed by ‘Not even a kiss??’

“Oh, this is Hiio. Hiio, Dina.

I woke up early and let you sleep. When I came for breakfast, him and I were the only ones here, so we sat together.”

I then looked at her like, ‘do you mind? I’m in the middle of something…’

“Hmm, I’m going to sit by the other tables, so when you’re done, come get me,” she concluded.

I told ‘Monty’ about the toast incident, Pirate, and how Dina came to my rescue the night before.

He started laughing not because of what happened (he decided to skip it; he had already ‘partied’ some, and decided to take a break before dinner), but because of ‘that guy behind me.’

“Yeah, I sure do know Pirate. Who doesn’t?” said Hiio. “He’s one of the old timers here in this resort. He’s probably been around the longest of all of us.”

“Is there anything I need to know about him or might make me feel better about what happened to me?” I asked.

“Listen, these type of toasts have been going on probably forever. I even headed some back in the days when I was a GO.

What I can tell you is that they used to be much wilder than what you experienced, and Pirate was just having fun, if that gives you any consolation.

And that’s what you should also do, have fun.”

I know, he’s right. I should apply this not only for this trip, but my life in general.

And just when I was about to finally put this whole incident to rest (not behind me, that’s for sure), speaking of the devil, sure enough walks in (no, not Dina), Pirate.

‘No, not him again.’



et cetera