The New M.E. Generation











{December 12, 2016}   The Swipe 12 – Rebound to fail

Thank goodness I was scheduled to leave to my trip with Dina shortly after this brief thing with Cameron ended. But when she and I were at the airport, she asked me what was going on with that.

I didn’t wanted to get into details, so I only told her that he came with the excuse of having issues and that I didn’t appreciate being used. She mentioned she had recently been in a similar situation, but wasn’t upset about it, and that I shouldn’t take it personal.

What she doesn’t know (or doesn’t want to) is that we’re both ‘rebounds’.

What is a rebound? To put it simply, it’s basically a distraction to keep a guy or girl from thinking about their recent breakup. If a guy goes into a rebound relationship, he’s looking for a quick way to get over his ex by being with someone else. But what he’s really doing is projecting his feelings about his ex onto a new girl – in a sense, he’s using the new girl.

People who go into rebound relationships don’t go into them with the intention of using someone or hurting someone else. They usually think they’re helping themselves… that’s what makes rebounds so tricky.” (Jessica Booth – 7 signs you’re in a rebound relationship)

You see? I was right all along. Cameron used me and because he’s only thinking about himself (“it was good for me to go out with you”), he doesn’t see the negative of his actions.

Regarding his 4-month relationship with the 24 year old (that I mentioned would expand upon), there’s details to discuss.

He might have said he’s done with children, but if you haven’t had a vasectomy yet, then you’re still contemplating having more in the future. Case in point: Cameron said he wished he would have had a boy.

She probably knew her chances with him were slim, but many women think that the sex they will give their man will be so good, that it will magically made them change their mind. The men will be so ‘head over heels’ that they will have a child to prove their love.

But after 4 months of ‘spreading their legs for free’, they put the men between ‘the wall and the sword’, because they’re expecting a commitment.

This is what happened between Cam and her when the ‘honeymoon’ was over. He pulled out the baby card when confronted, saving his ass from looking like the bad person, and abruptly ended the relationship.

Reality is Cameron was with her just for the sex, maybe her youth and beauty. She was just a means to an end while his divorce happens. And when a woman gets demanding with a guy who has no other interests with you, the faster they run away. Cameron used her and she became another rebound victim. I assure you that they would still be together if that conversation wouldn’t have happened.

So what’s my future prediction for Cameron? For starters, if he continues being a rebound guy, he will fail over and over again. Karma will be stepping on his toes until he get it right. But even if he does, it’s not going to let him get off the hook that easily yet.

What I mean by this is that he has to pay for what he did to others, and that payback will not hit him directly, but will come through those he loves the most: his daughters.

Let me tell you a story. When my then high school friend and I were that (please see ‘The Ex-Friend’ story), he mentioned to me that once when he was visiting his sister’s home after she gave birth to her second daughter, they started talking about their mom having a relationship with a married man.

He expressed being totally against it; she said something to the extent that ‘as long as mom is happy, I’m fine with it’, to which he said, “would you allow your daughters to do the same?”, to which she replied, “no!! I would never allow it!!”

“There you have it,” said he. “That’s why you didn’t have one, but two daughters.”

The point in their conversation was that when something is wrong, it will always be wrong. It has nothing to do with making someone happy or that it’s good for you.

The reason why Cameron had girls is because the older will be his mirror and the second will be the one he will do good with.

His eldest is 13, starting out in life. There will be the day that a guy will appear, telling her all that she wants to hear, making her believe she’s the best thing in the world, promising her the moon and stars, to one day dumping her for no good reason. She won’t see it coming.

She will go to her father crying and confused as to what happened (“he told me he loved me; he left me through a text; he’s already seeing someone else; what did I do?”).

It will be then that he will see himself reflected on her and realize all the collateral damage he has done. He will understand that the hurt his daughter is feeling is the same he inflicted on other women.

It would be as almost as the screenplays he writes, except that now he has the chance to give them another ending. His daughters will be the main characters, the ones to give him a front row seat to the movie he doesn’t want to watch. But if he decides to rewrite his life, the story of the rebound guy will no longer be.

So when the second daughter grows, Cameron will be there to lead her (“I don’t want you to go through what your sister did”). It doesn’t guarantee there won’t be heartbreaks, but it’s a start, for both of them.

The last I knew about Cameron was through the dating app. I was swiping and I saw his name; the photos were those he doesn’t appear, the same ones in his social media.

‘This is so stupid,’ I thought to myself. ‘He’s a moron if he thought I wouldn’t recognize him. And wasn’t he dealing with issues? Obviously not!’

He knew he would see my profile; that’s why he didn’t post any images of himself. I felt like texting him, ‘You couldn’t be more obvious’.

I had a great time on my trip, so much that I almost took on Dina’s advice of not being upset with Cameron, and considered giving him a call. But that quickly went away as soon as I landed back to reality.

Today I look back at this with mixed feelings. I should know by now that one should never date a guy who’s in mid-divorce or rebounding.

If he ever calls (which I’m sure he won’t), I will listen to what he has to say, but won’t accept anything from him, even apologies. That’s because sometimes one has to take that stand for others to understand how we feel. And them hopefully learn. And change. Maybe I will be part of that karma that he needs to work this.

Whatever it is, one thing is for sure: time to swipe some more again.

 

 

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The next day I woke up feeling confused. The bbq of the night before had been nice, but the event had extended far too long. It was one of those feelings that you overdid it and now your body was showing it.

I debated during the morning whether to call Cameron or not. I wasn’t sure if to apologize for my comment of who had texted him, or simply take the opportunity to thank him again, and then discuss this matter. I also wondered if it was necessary for me to say anything to him, even thanks, when I think I did that before he left (honestly, I don’t remember).

I believe I went about my Sunday like any other. If I did make the attempt of calling him, it was in the early evening. And when I did, the call went straight to his voicemail, which didn’t sit well with me.

‘WTF?’ I thought to myself. ‘Has this guy blocked me or something?’

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday came and went. Still no sign of him. Not sure if I made the attempt of calling him again those days, but if I did, it went to voicemail. At this point I didn’t know what to do, but it was clear to me he was avoiding me.

I checked his social media and we were still friends. His profile was as boring and uninteresting as usual, with no clues of his whereabouts or anything else. I wondered if he was checking my posts.

I don’t know what got into me, but I made a drastic move and deleted him as my friend. I probably thought that after 4 days of silence he had moved on with his life, so it was time for me to do the same.

Came Thursday, and when I was getting off the car and walking into the office, I get a call from him. I was juggling my purse and else, and missed answering his call. I returned it when I settled down at my desk.

He quickly tells me that ‘he was about to walk in into the office and only had a few minutes to talk’. Of course you do.

How predictable of a guy to use this false facade as a way to break up with you. They don’t want to deal with a woman ‘going postal’ in person, so they cowardly do this over the phone, taking even more advantage that you’re working, thinking they can make it ‘short and sweet’ to their liking.

Guys, let me tell you something: get on with the times. Just because we’re supposed to be ladylike and behave professionally at work, doesn’t mean it will stop us of telling you to ‘go fuck yourself’.

Because I knew what was coming, I got myself in an empty office, closed the door, and let him say what he had to say.

“It was good for me to go out with you because it helped me,” said he. “Good for you, bad for me,” answered I.

“I still have some issues with my wife to deal with,” continued he. “And you used me to leverage your emotions. Once you got what you needed, you went ahead and disappeared,” said I.

“I didn’t disappear,” said he. “Yes you did,” said I.

“I’m sorry you feel this way and I can only apologize… (blah, blah, blah).” “No you’re not; you’re not the one getting the boot. Question, did you tell the 24-year-old you had issues?”, continued I.

He kept trying to make his case, to which I had a winning argument to everything he was saying.

He then mentioned that he noticed I had ‘unfriended’ him on social media, which he was surprised at and not understanding why I did it. “You took me out of your life, so I did the same,” said I.

I was beyond mad with him. He then said that ‘he was outside the office door about to walk in’ to end the conversation. I know he was running away from me and the situation, but I wasn’t done.

So I went ahead and wrote him through his profile: “I’ll tell you why I’m upset. You disappeared after the bbq. I call you, no answer.

Now you say it was good for you to go out with me because it helped you. That you still need to resolve issues with your divorce.

You told me that when we met. And it may be so, but it’s not for me that others use you. And you came to such a quick decision not to see me any more? You gave that chick 4 months and me less than one?? Really?

What will happen is that you will meet another girl, and that’s it. That thing that you have issues will disappear the minute it happens. I’ve lived that before of guys dumping me, to then quickly learn that they found someone new.

If ever you want to know anything about me, you make the effort. And I took you out of social media because we stopped being friends the minute you decided to walk out of my existence.”

I don’t know if he read it, but I don’t care. This is my version of his ‘short and sweet’, and I like every word of it.

And, you’re a coward. I said it again. A way shorter and sweeter truth.

How do you like the ‘unsweetened’ version of me now?

 

 

 

 

 



Following his second trip, Jay and I continued corresponding to each other. But, this time, the talk was about me going to Canada. He had pretty much presented a tentative week to do so, and I was waiting for the right time to purchase the ticket.

But, one day, something he said in an online conversation started to give me an uneasy feeling. Here’s how it happened: I called him via the internet, like I was basically doing every day and, don’t know how the comment occurred, but he said that there was no need for me to do so.

“What? I thought you really liked my daily texting and calls; that they were things you looked forward to.”

“I do, but you don’t have to every single day,” he responded.

“All right, I won’t, if that’s how you feel about it.”

So I did. I kept calling and texting, but to a lesser degree. I was confused by his comment and started to wonder if his feelings for me had shifted.

And they did, and I found out quite unexpectedly, through another conversation. I wanted to finally choose a day for me to arrive to Canada, but Jay was not giving me a final answer, plus his enthusiasm for me making the trip wasn’t quite there as before. I then confronted him during the call.

“Jay, what’s going on? Do you want me to make this trip or not?”

“Well, Emma do you remember what we discussed about seeing other people? (At that moment, I felt all the stars in the universe collided and a big explosion suddenly hit me.) There is a person that I met that lives in my community and I want to go out with her.”

“I never said we couldn’t see or go out with other people as long as the relationship was only of that of a friendship.”

“I’m trying to be honest with you as also discussed. I don’t know what will happen here. I could go out with her and nothing happens afterwards or she may turn out to be as someone I would like to pursue. I thought my obligation was to tell you before the date.”

I didn’t say a word for I don’t know how long. Sadness engulfed me and just wanted to cry.

“Jay, you have no idea how much I wanted to make this trip, how much it meant to me!”

“I know and I’m sorry, but I felt it would have been unfair to you for me to go out with this person, develop an interest in her, and afterwards having you come down to visit.

The other thing, Emma, is, you’re still dealing with a lot of issues that also turned me away. One day, for example, you talked about your divorce seven times in one day. You’re definitely not ready to be involved with anyone yet, especially me.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose…I’m sorry,” is all I could say. “You have your issues too, so don’t point all the blame on me. I wanted to make this trip so bad you have no idea, and now you took that chance away from me.

And I will say this, whatever outcome results of this date, don’t even think about calling me saying you still have an interest or feelings for me.”

Jay apologized again during the call. Whatever else he said I don’t remember and, quite frankly, doesn’t matter. The damage was done and so was the relationship, or whatever we had together.

After the conversation concluded, I remained seated for some time and tears came down my eyes. I knew that, in the long run, this distant thing would have ended anyways, but not this soon.

I envisioned it occurring after my trip, after finally sharing our lives to the fullest possible, after all had been said and done.

But I guess it was meant to happen this way so the hurt wouldn’t be as bad, so I wouldn’t feel guilty of doing it if it had been me the one who met someone else, before I invested any more of my feelings on him.

It was hard to accept it, but his time and presence, like all the other guys before him, had come to an end. It was time, once again, to pick-up the pieces and move on.

But it hurts; it hurts a lot.



et cetera