The New M.E. Generation











After the trip, my life went back to normal. My high school friend and I kept communicating frequently and I never mentioned the other guy to him again.

But, I did exactly what he told me not to: reaching out to the ‘beach guy’ or keeping my hopes up.

It all went back to how he has always behaved; sending only either text messages or emails. If I tried to call, even in the really early morning hours, he would not answer.

Every so often I would get upset and stopped messaging or emailing him all together. He would then re-emerge again and I would listen to what he had to say.

He went even further by sending some mobile photos of him, writing that he was attracted to me, and wanting to know how I was doing.

Instead of ignoring him, I would continue with the conversation and thinking there was still a possibility of anything happening. I kept disappointing myself over and over when I just knew better.

One day my frustration reached its peak and I made the decision to stop contacting him all together. I did this early November.

During Thanksgiving weekend I received a message that read, ‘I will try to make it there early December’.

My thought was, ‘I know it won’t happen’. But then again, maybe my silence had some effect on him.

So, in order to not show too much emotions (which was actually happening), I simply responded, ‘Great, keep me posted’.

More than a week went by and no sign of him, as usual.

Two days before the date I thought he would come, I messaged him. Finally, on Friday morning, he responded. ‘Doesn’t look good. Just sold my home and need to be out next Monday’.

Wow, here we go again. It was no surprise, yet I was pretty upset.

This is not doing me any good. I don’t need to disconnect; I need to take an indefinite leave of absence and detox from him.

My emotional health is really asking for it.

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{October 14, 2013}   Looking Back 15 – Kiss and tell

‘If you ever feel like talking, I’m here for you,’ wrote I.

‘I’m done dealing with my current relationship. I rather talk with you about the old days. I remember you being an awesome kisser,’ said he.

‘An awesome kisser?’ I do remember that one time when he took me for the ride on his car. But saying that I was ‘awesome’ is a major word.

‘Thanks for the complement, but I have a vague memory about that. My memories of you and I interacting are at the beach and at a distance in school,’ continued I.

‘You don’t remember a lot do you?’ asked he. ‘You and I go way back. Actually, I looked forward to seeing you in school.’

‘Maybe you and I had something going on since being teenagers, but we really didn’t have anything together. I don’t even know how to define it.’

I kept thinking about the kissing and what really happened between us. If it was that great, why didn’t it continue or he kept some sort of contact after graduating? It’s a mystery I still haven’t figured out.

I continued writing, giving all details that I had about that infamous car ride. While at it, I questioned myself why I was doing this and if he would care at all about what I had to say.

‘I remember that very well. I like chatting with you.’

‘Like I said; if you ever want to talk, let me know. Better yet, let’s have a talk over a drink, that is, if we ever get to see each other again.’

‘Thanks; you’re very sweet. Of course we’ll see each other. Don’t know when because of the distance and all the things going with work, kids, etc.’

Here we go again. Why is that all guys I meet are complicated? When am I ever getting a break?



I did what Dina told me to do. I put it to rest, and I did rather quickly. In a few weeks he was totally out of my existence.

But it seemed I was not all out of his mind. From time to time I would get this weird (yes, weird) texts or email messages always around the early hours of the morning.

They were basically composed of one or two sentences to the extent of asking me how I was and he mentioning what he was doing.

For example, “hey baby what’s up? Isn’t this singer great? (I know you girl. I’m getting back at you for what you did to me!)”

OK, let’s rephrase what I said before; it’s not weird but creepy.

Depending on how freaked out I felt and/or how upset I was for him waking me up (oh, did I say that the messages were sent any day of the week?), I would respond or not.

If you feel he probably had too many drinks, well, I do the same.

After a while I would read them, laugh and then go back to sleep. Wasn’t worth stressing out over it until I received an email that was sent at 3:44 am (and read about 8 hours later) asking me if I wanted to go out again.

Oh, boy, here we go again.

It’s been a while since we went on that bad date and I’m wondering if it’s worth the effort of a second one.

I’ll think about it. Besides, I’m not obliged to answer him. Maybe I’ll do what he does.

I’ll send a response a week from today at a quarter to 4 am.

Naaah, not during my beauty sleep.



I was still analyzing his question and couldn’t think for an answer. Why is that? Is it because I’m angry with him or it’s just that I’ve had it with questioning myself over this?

“Hmm,” said I, “I want to be with somebody. I’m not asking for much.”

“I don’t think you’re ready for that,” said he.

Say what? Oh no, here we go again with him telling me what I’m apparently feeling when he doesn’t have the full scope of my life then and now.

I was upset with him like before, but didn’t want to loose control of myself and say or do something I would later regret.

“Sorry, but I don’t agree with you. I’ve been alone for quite a while and even have spent some time on my own on purpose to review my whole life in general. I feel I am ready to give a new relationship a try.”

I didn’t want to concentrate all the conversation on me, so I switched to his last relationship. He had told me over the phone it lasted over a year, but ended because she wanted to have a child and he didn’t want any more of his own.

“What about you?” asked I, “You said your relationship ended because of the baby situation.”

“Yes,” said he, “but we loved each other.”

“But she wasn’t really into you in the long run. You were a means to an end, more of a sperm donor if you asked me. Have you stayed with her or not, or she ends up with another guy, once she gets what she wants, she doesn’t need that person any more and will leave him. That’s not love. That’s being selfish.”

I don’t remember how the conversation ‘calmed down’ afterwards, but another element came into play.

Is that rain?



Most of the people in Dina’s group started leaving before the band finished playing their last set. Dina and I were basically the only ones remaining to leave.

I wanted to go home at the same time that she would, so we would accompany one another to our cars. But Jesse asked me to stay and offered to walk me. The other guy accompanied Dina to her vehicle.

I was hesitant of doing that, staying, and placing myself in a situation I knew I was later to regret. But he insisted in such a way with his many ‘please’ that I felt I would have looked bad from my behalf to say ‘no.’

So when the band ended playing and the bar announced ‘last call,’ it was time for me to make it for the night.

I was about to ask Jesse to walk me to my car when he asked me for my number. (Here we go again…)

“You know, I am a very private person. How about if you give me yours?” (What the heck was I trying to say here??)

“Where I come from, that means you will never call me,” said he.

“And where I come from (a.k.a., my own little world in which I gravitate around), it can mean a lot of things (like me finally taking control of this type of situations). I give you my word I will.”

I handed him my phone and he entered his number. I knew he wasn’t happy, but I was. I simply wanted to do what I felt was the right thing to do.

I finally got to my car and said good-bye to Jesse. I even hugged him and thanked him for the good time I had with him. But I knew he didn’t want me to leave.

I can’t deny I felt bad. Why does it always has to be this way, that one person falls hard for another and that other one doesn’t feel the same way?

I was questioning myself if I had made the right decision of not providing ‘too much info,’ but I had to be mature and stand by on the decisions I had made.

So I finally got into my car and left.

This has been quite a night. I have to call Madelyn and tell her about it. I need her review on my moment with Jesse.

And speaking of him, will I really call him? I’ll make that decision after Madelyn ‘puts me on the stand.’



“Sorry that my girlfriend did that of pushing you over here,” said I.

“That’s ok. The one I really wanted to talk to is you,” said the guy, who introduced himself as Jesse.

Oh, no, here we go again with the cougar thing. I don’t know his age yet, but, by just looking at him, I knew he was younger than me and not by just a few years.

“So, are you still in college break or what? My girlfriend said you’re like, 21?”

“23. I’m done with college. Now I’m part of the corporate world. How about you? What’s your age?”

“How old do you think I am?”

He took another look at me from head to toe. “I would say no more than 32.”

“Yeah, that’s it. I’m 32.” (What? Thought I would give the real one away?)

But this wasn’t exactly the right move. Because this was not an issue with him, he became more interested in me. And I’m not for some reason.

He kept saying how beautiful he thought I was, and that any man would be happy to have a woman like me (starting with him). Even learning that I was divorced didn’t scare him away.

I couldn’t help feeling flattered by his remarks since you don’t get that every day. But my previous ‘cougar moments’ didn’t lead to anything long-term.

I know one should never use the past as a comparison and that there are positive things that I’ve gained from these experiences.

But now I feel like ‘been there, done that.’ As of today, I am in a ‘happy place’ and don’t feel the need to ‘go on a guy hunt’ yet again, not even for the fun of it or ‘for the love of the art.’

I know I need to let this ‘cub’ go away, but I’ve never done that. Dina and Madelyn have been the experts at this.

Holy, getting rid of a guy! How does it go?



et cetera