The New M.E. Generation











{December 12, 2016}   The Swipe 12 – Rebound to fail

Thank goodness I was scheduled to leave to my trip with Dina shortly after this brief thing with Cameron ended. But when she and I were at the airport, she asked me what was going on with that.

I didn’t wanted to get into details, so I only told her that he came with the excuse of having issues and that I didn’t appreciate being used. She mentioned she had recently been in a similar situation, but wasn’t upset about it, and that I shouldn’t take it personal.

What she doesn’t know (or doesn’t want to) is that we’re both ‘rebounds’.

What is a rebound? To put it simply, it’s basically a distraction to keep a guy or girl from thinking about their recent breakup. If a guy goes into a rebound relationship, he’s looking for a quick way to get over his ex by being with someone else. But what he’s really doing is projecting his feelings about his ex onto a new girl – in a sense, he’s using the new girl.

People who go into rebound relationships don’t go into them with the intention of using someone or hurting someone else. They usually think they’re helping themselves… that’s what makes rebounds so tricky.” (Jessica Booth – 7 signs you’re in a rebound relationship)

You see? I was right all along. Cameron used me and because he’s only thinking about himself (“it was good for me to go out with you”), he doesn’t see the negative of his actions.

Regarding his 4-month relationship with the 24 year old (that I mentioned would expand upon), there’s details to discuss.

He might have said he’s done with children, but if you haven’t had a vasectomy yet, then you’re still contemplating having more in the future. Case in point: Cameron said he wished he would have had a boy.

She probably knew her chances with him were slim, but many women think that the sex they will give their man will be so good, that it will magically made them change their mind. The men will be so ‘head over heels’ that they will have a child to prove their love.

But after 4 months of ‘spreading their legs for free’, they put the men between ‘the wall and the sword’, because they’re expecting a commitment.

This is what happened between Cam and her when the ‘honeymoon’ was over. He pulled out the baby card when confronted, saving his ass from looking like the bad person, and abruptly ended the relationship.

Reality is Cameron was with her just for the sex, maybe her youth and beauty. She was just a means to an end while his divorce happens. And when a woman gets demanding with a guy who has no other interests with you, the faster they run away. Cameron used her and she became another rebound victim. I assure you that they would still be together if that conversation wouldn’t have happened.

So what’s my future prediction for Cameron? For starters, if he continues being a rebound guy, he will fail over and over again. Karma will be stepping on his toes until he get it right. But even if he does, it’s not going to let him get off the hook that easily yet.

What I mean by this is that he has to pay for what he did to others, and that payback will not hit him directly, but will come through those he loves the most: his daughters.

Let me tell you a story. When my then high school friend and I were that (please see ‘The Ex-Friend’ story), he mentioned to me that once when he was visiting his sister’s home after she gave birth to her second daughter, they started talking about their mom having a relationship with a married man.

He expressed being totally against it; she said something to the extent that ‘as long as mom is happy, I’m fine with it’, to which he said, “would you allow your daughters to do the same?”, to which she replied, “no!! I would never allow it!!”

“There you have it,” said he. “That’s why you didn’t have one, but two daughters.”

The point in their conversation was that when something is wrong, it will always be wrong. It has nothing to do with making someone happy or that it’s good for you.

The reason why Cameron had girls is because the older will be his mirror and the second will be the one he will do good with.

His eldest is 13, starting out in life. There will be the day that a guy will appear, telling her all that she wants to hear, making her believe she’s the best thing in the world, promising her the moon and stars, to one day dumping her for no good reason. She won’t see it coming.

She will go to her father crying and confused as to what happened (“he told me he loved me; he left me through a text; he’s already seeing someone else; what did I do?”).

It will be then that he will see himself reflected on her and realize all the collateral damage he has done. He will understand that the hurt his daughter is feeling is the same he inflicted on other women.

It would be as almost as the screenplays he writes, except that now he has the chance to give them another ending. His daughters will be the main characters, the ones to give him a front row seat to the movie he doesn’t want to watch. But if he decides to rewrite his life, the story of the rebound guy will no longer be.

So when the second daughter grows, Cameron will be there to lead her (“I don’t want you to go through what your sister did”). It doesn’t guarantee there won’t be heartbreaks, but it’s a start, for both of them.

The last I knew about Cameron was through the dating app. I was swiping and I saw his name; the photos were those he doesn’t appear, the same ones in his social media.

‘This is so stupid,’ I thought to myself. ‘He’s a moron if he thought I wouldn’t recognize him. And wasn’t he dealing with issues? Obviously not!’

He knew he would see my profile; that’s why he didn’t post any images of himself. I felt like texting him, ‘You couldn’t be more obvious’.

I had a great time on my trip, so much that I almost took on Dina’s advice of not being upset with Cameron, and considered giving him a call. But that quickly went away as soon as I landed back to reality.

Today I look back at this with mixed feelings. I should know by now that one should never date a guy who’s in mid-divorce or rebounding.

If he ever calls (which I’m sure he won’t), I will listen to what he has to say, but won’t accept anything from him, even apologies. That’s because sometimes one has to take that stand for others to understand how we feel. And them hopefully learn. And change. Maybe I will be part of that karma that he needs to work this.

Whatever it is, one thing is for sure: time to swipe some more again.

 

 



I stayed with Madeline and family for about a week. The weather continued to be bad with cold days and plenty of rain.

The place they were staying was an apartment/hotel, and Madeline and I shared one bedroom together. Because of the forecast, we wouldn’t do much at times, so I would retrieve to the room and watch TV.

My bed was next to the window, so I would also look out at the people walking by. I called my friend as much as I could. According to him, the worst had passed and some more days were needed for his mother to spend at the hospital before returning home.

He sounded calm as usual, but I knew he was tired and stressed out. I felt sorry for him, as he had always been there for me and now all I could do was support him over the phone.

Before New Year’s arrived, Madeline and I went shopping and had dinner together. While chatting, she mentioned that life and work were fine, but I could feel that it wasn’t exactly that.

I wasn’t all happy with my life either, but was taking every effort to make the best of it. I even envied her back then; she had a good job, was living in a nice neighborhood, had achieved all her goals and was close to her family.

Still, there was something missing in her life that I couldn’t figure out. It’s kind of weird to say now that in some strange way I was in a better place than her.

When New Year’s Eve came, it rained most of the day and night. There was a party area that Madeline and I walked to, but the air was humid and muggy. When the clock was about to strike 12 am, we went back to the apartment and celebrated with everyone there.

I even took upon myself of doing the tradition of walking the perimeter of the apartment with a suitcase in your hand, symbolizing for this year to bring many and safe travels for you.

As much as I was trying to enjoy myself, I kept thinking about my friend. It struck me then that of all he and I had shared together this celebration was not on our list.

And when the countdown began I did what I’ve always done since being single, stare at the TV and start crying, as if I was hoping that the magic that is transmitted through this device would somehow come into my universe.

Once it’s over, I hug and thank everyone for sharing this moment with me. They all hug me back and told me there’s no need to feel this way, as it will all be fine. I always use the excuse that it had been a difficult year, etc., but glad I made it through.

Reality is I cry because when the night is over, I’m standing there more alone than ever, without a guy to hold hands and be with.

I cry because as much as I wish for things to be different, they have not turned out the way I hoped for, in spite of all efforts and intentions. They just seem to go in a direction I wasn’t expecting or wanted to.

It’s like the suitcase I was holding. You may fill it up with hopes and dreams, but the path to happiness will always be heavy, no matter how light you think you may be walking.



I was happy to be meeting up with Madeline and her family, especially during the holidays when single people tend to feel the loneliest. She was also single and had been very supportive during my post divorce. She was in essence the female version of my high school friend.

I remember the weather that year was really bad with heavy rain and the temperature dropped to the low 20’s. I still wasn’t technologically up to date, meaning didn’t have a smarthphone or GPS.

Both of them had one in their car and have used it successfully for years. Madeline told me to get one and make the trip; he said that if the weather was that bad, a woman like me driving by herself would be concerning to him, even if I had the device.

They both agreed that it would be a good purchase to make, as they felt that it would not only be useful to have, but would open my outlook into taking other trips in the future.

Ultimate the weather became the decisive factor, so I chose to fly instead. As simple as this road trip sounded, I was still too afraid to take risks at this stage.

Still, the temperature made me remember being in college, ending the semester, flying home for the holidays, arriving at a warm weather, and seeing my friend.

But as much as I was happy to be with Madeline and grateful for her invitation, I still felt displaced. I was still recovering from my divorce, trying to regain my sense of self, plus figure out what I was to do with my life. At least being around people who appreciated me gave me some sense of belonging for a few days.

I was also thinking about my friend. His mother underwent surgery and he spent many days in the hospital with her and later at home. Me in the distance could only provide support. His birthday happened during those days and he was more than pleased to have the gift that his mother would most likely have a full recovery.

It also started to daunt on me how loved one could be gone quickly, how oneself with age start facing calamities, how we are able (or not) to handle situations we always knew would happen, but not really ready for when they do.

In essence it was a question of how long will those important people remain with us, will they still be there near or far when the bad really happens, and if they’re gone either in life or death, how are we to cope with their departure?

It was a reality I had already seen: as much as you want to have certain people in your life or try to make things work in a certain way, like the song says, “baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough.”

Yep, that’s how it’s sang.



My high school friend graduated a year before I did. My brother was on the same class and attending the graduation without him being there was a somber night for me.

This period represented a new stage in my life. My friend and brother were going away to college in a few months, which meant I would be alone at home with mom and my Senior year would start.

I was looking forward to this time, but was also lost of what to do with education and myself, especially when he was away.

I felt somewhat lost without my support system. And my insecurities about my intelligence and grades for my college application had me on the edge.

I kept thinking how in spite all he did he managed to get to the school of his choice. He knew exactly what he wanted to do for a career and how he would make it happen. Me, I didn’t have a clue what to expect for dinner that night.

The last memory I have of my friend during this time was of him coming to terms about ending high school, but glad he would go away from all this and start engaging in what he really loved.

He legally completed his studies, but don’t recall that he received the diploma. I believe he mentioned having to get a lawyer so there would be a record filed in school and Education Department that he had completed all the high school requirements.

That made me even more sad and puzzled about life in general and of witnessing this happening to someone I cared about.

That’s probably why I was overwhelmed; my mom had high expectations of me, my brother was the center of attention for always, and my mom was trying to adjust to this major change at home.

The summer went normal. I would see my friend at the pharmacy whenever I could. I don’t recall saying good-bye in person. I probably did over the phone and holding back my tears. After all he went through to finish school, the least I could do was to be supportive towards him and not add any additional pressure.

I do recall that when he and my brother left, I sat at my room looking around and thinking, ‘now what?’ It wouldn’t be the first moment that I felt that I was totally on my own without someone to hold my hand to lead the way.

It was as scary as when my ‘x’ walked out the door for good. Thinking about it now brings back this feeling, but incredibly I managed to overcome it all and stay in one piece.

So why am I still sad? Because I miss my friend and it hurts losing the friendship. This is not what was meant to be, but as he and I have done, I will hold my head up, knowing that no matter what, I will make it through this time and will be just fine.



Although my high school friend was a disciplined student and had good grades, his pranks eventually caught up to him. His parents were called by the school administration way too many times hoping to resolve this issue, but to no avail. His mom literally told the principal, ‘do what you need to do’.

Even some of his classmates turned against him, even when they were not affected by any of his actions. The rumors started running high, even that he had committed plagiarism in his Senior year term paper.

The Engligh teacher met with him and asked him to talk about the work in general. After my friend gave an extended speech about the topic, references and else, the teacher handed back the draft and said to him, “you’re good to go”.

Academically he was doing all that he needed to do to ensure entrance to college. But because his conduct was so bad and the rumors so out of hand, and the school couldn’t take action against him for his grades, they did it where it hurt the most: he was told he couldn’t be part of the graduation ceremony.

I got really sad and shocked when he personally told me. I knew things were bad, but never thought that of the few people I was friends with this could happen to him.

This would be the first of many moments I witnessed the betrayal of people to those I cared about or myself. It didn’t necessarily create a sense of distrust towards others, but more in that they can turn against you at any time without any valid reason.

“Don’t ever give your life away to any religion, political movement, or even less a man,” preached he to me during that time. He also manifested his dislike for a particular type of people, an issue that didn’t surface again accidentally in the present time.

I never understood where this one came from and I never allowed myself to be influenced by it. I believe I have always been good to others, and many have taken advantage of it by mistreating me.

I used to give people many chances, especially guys, but with this guy’s betrayal, I have become stronger in my personality and discard quickly anything that’s toxic or represents a threat to my wellbeing, just like he has.

So the question is, how is it possible for a person, who gave you the right guidance to survive the world, change to the total opposite of what he taught you?

How is it possible that after all the negative I’ve gone through, was able to make it through it all and still have hope for the future?

How do you explain an over 30-year friendship going bad and looking at a person become totally unrecognizable to you?

Why am I still standing in the light and he is in the lowest, darkest period of his life?

Someone saved my life tonight”. Yes, universe, I know it’s you.



So what happens when a friendship goes wrong?

And I’m not talking about any guy previously mentioned that I’ve tried to do things right.

Believe it or not, I’m referring to my high school friend. Of all people, he’s the one that I felt has betrayed me the most.

So how did it all happened is unclear to me, but will try to figure it out.

Our friendship started during our early teens. My earliest recollection was that he started hanging out with my brother at home. Of all the guys that would come around, he was the only one took an interest in me.

I wasn’t into him in anything at first. With only 13 years, my parents were divorced, my mom went back to work, and I was responsible for many chores at home.

Like all Hispanic cultures, my brother was doing whatever he wanted, including giving attention to his buddies instead of me. Top that with being a freshman trying to navigate school and life in general with no one to lead the way.

My memories included him talking to me every time he would be home, mostly about how I was doing. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me and that I were fine. I felt at ease with him and that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.

As I later learned, his father had a pharmacy in my neighborhood and that he worked there after school, and the mom had a beauty salon at the building where my dad had his office.

When I had nothing to do, I would walk to the pharmacy with the excuse of having to buy something. I would chat with him for a few and then headed back home. He never got upset with me while there and would always find the time to talk to me. I would later get my hair done with the mom and became a client for several years.

Curiously I never had an emotional interest with him. I never once felt like kissing or hugging him, or display any affection towards him.

After some time of friendship, he conveyed to me very politely that he had some interest in me. I felt very flattered, but never pursued him in any way any more than what we were sharing already.

He respected my way of being, including my feelings towards him, and became the only person I allowed to enter my world as a whole.

He had everything going on for him and I chose not to pursue him romantically. Sounds familiar? Yep, my love/hate relationship with men has run deeper that I thought. And sadly, being then or now, it sure feels the same.



After the trip, my life went back to normal. My high school friend and I kept communicating frequently and I never mentioned the other guy to him again.

But, I did exactly what he told me not to: reaching out to the ‘beach guy’ or keeping my hopes up.

It all went back to how he has always behaved; sending only either text messages or emails. If I tried to call, even in the really early morning hours, he would not answer.

Every so often I would get upset and stopped messaging or emailing him all together. He would then re-emerge again and I would listen to what he had to say.

He went even further by sending some mobile photos of him, writing that he was attracted to me, and wanting to know how I was doing.

Instead of ignoring him, I would continue with the conversation and thinking there was still a possibility of anything happening. I kept disappointing myself over and over when I just knew better.

One day my frustration reached its peak and I made the decision to stop contacting him all together. I did this early November.

During Thanksgiving weekend I received a message that read, ‘I will try to make it there early December’.

My thought was, ‘I know it won’t happen’. But then again, maybe my silence had some effect on him.

So, in order to not show too much emotions (which was actually happening), I simply responded, ‘Great, keep me posted’.

More than a week went by and no sign of him, as usual.

Two days before the date I thought he would come, I messaged him. Finally, on Friday morning, he responded. ‘Doesn’t look good. Just sold my home and need to be out next Monday’.

Wow, here we go again. It was no surprise, yet I was pretty upset.

This is not doing me any good. I don’t need to disconnect; I need to take an indefinite leave of absence and detox from him.

My emotional health is really asking for it.



{December 16, 2013}   Looking Back 24 – Show me the way

The next day I took my high school friend to the airport to take a flight back home.

It was early in the morning and I was still exhausted from my long weekend. Plus, I had to go to work.

I got really sad on the way. We had been living in different locations pretty much after graduating from high school.

We have managed to keep our friendship going throughout the years. But being together on the same place for a few days, like we just did, barely. I know it will probably be many more years before we get to see each other again.

He has been to me something more than just a friend. His guidance and support have been gifts that no one else has given me.

Now he was leaving and for me it was back to facing life on my own again.

Before he entered the airline gate, we hugged each other strongly. I thanked him for everything, which included more than this trip; it was a lifelong gratitude.

He saw how I felt and looked at me saying, “You’re going to be fine. Follow my advice like you’ve always done. It will save you a lot of heartbreak.”

I waited for him to enter the airport and kept looking at the door for a few seconds before driving away.

I kept thinking at what he said and said to myself, ‘Yes, I have to be fine. He has shown me the way and he expects nothing else from me but that.’



{December 9, 2013}   Looking Back 23 – Not happening

We got back very late and, although I was very tired, I couldn’t really fall asleep. I was still hoping that ‘the beach guy’ would call when I know it wouldn’t happen.

Besides, as much interest or availability he might had, I couldn’t expect him to make the 2-hour drive in such late hours of the night. So, I put him off my mind and managed to get some rest.

I think I was even more tired the next morning. It was the last day of my vacation and wanted to enjoy as much as I could before making the long drive home.

My high school friend and I were able to do one last thing before leaving late in the afternoon. Before reaching my apartment, I suggested having an early dinner on a restaurant I thought he would like.

He did very much and thanked me for it. Me, on the other hand, checked my phone from time to time. No missed calls.

By the time I got home I was more than exhausted from the trip. It had been a great one, but the emotional part really hit me hard.

I kept telling myself how good of an experience this was and the fact I couldn’t have one detail of it wasn’t a reason to let it ruin my long weekend.

So I did what I thought I should do; I kept myself busy the rest of the night, and put aside any negative thoughts that may question my efforts and outcomes of my attempts in having a relationship with a guy.

The results of this challenge had been that ‘it just didn’t happen’, and it’s up to the other person to take the next step if they want anything with me.

In other words, if nothing happens, that’s it, nothing else left to expect. End of story.



et cetera