The New M.E. Generation

“I know you do and, yes, I’ll try,” said he.

I knew telling him how much I cared was not enough to ease the pain he was feeling now and would for the next few years.

The way to really help him was to hold his hand, hug him, or some physical affection that could really express what I meant.

We spoke a couple more times until I got the message I did not want to get. His significant other was back so it meant we couldn’t talk any more.

He made the call when he took his dog for a walk. As before, his voice changed to that of the role of a married man and father. The guy who was once part of my life then and now was put away.

Our lives went back as before, each other being part of the past, but not the present, as if we didn’t exist.

We haven’t spoken again and it won’t probably happen until next year, if that. That depends on him.

As for myself, I will still wish for us to see each other one day, that he doesn’t forget about me and to remember that I will be with him all along the way.

Ivan came over again and, this time, he looked really bad! His facial expression was a combination between being horribly shocked and ‘I can’t believe this happened to me.’

He and I sat down on the same chairs we did before. It was almost surreal meeting again. It had been a while, but it felt like it was the other day when he told me about his problems.

But now he looked even worse. I was beyond feeling sorry for him. Seriously, this guy was in such bad shape it felt like there was nothing that could be done to help him feel better.

I sat next to him and held his hand once more. I had no idea what to tell him, but I gave it a shot.

“You probably know, but you don’t look good.” (Maybe not.)

He wasn’t affected by my comment. “Listen, I’m really sorry for what happened. I never thought it would. You told me things were bad, but I thought the two of you would work things out.”

He was still not saying anything. “OK, I do understand what happened to you and, like I said before, you don’t have to go through this alone, even less now.”

“I know,” said he, “and I appreciate it. But, I have some fault in all this. I should have handled the relationship another way.”

“Hold on a second! Things were bad and you may have made mistakes, but that doesn’t give her permission to go out and cheat on you.

If she was so unhappy, she should have broken up with you. She then could have done whatever she wanted. But, no, instead, she gets back at you the most hurtful of way!” (Now I was getting really mad!)

Ivan’s expression sort of changed to ‘what’s up with her?’ Yep, my past experiences and feelings got suddenly relieved through another person. I quickly took notice and switched modes.

“Sorry,” said I, “but it upsets me how you feel about yourself. It’s not fair to do that in an effort to find a reason to all this. There are times when we never do. Right now learn from it, vow never to make those mistakes again, and move on. That’s all you can do at this time.”

Wow, listen to myself talk! Ivan was so overwhelmed, nothing really registered on his mind. But it was ok, I was glad he was here and that I somehow managed to give him some comfort (I think).

And, like the first time around, Ivan didn’t say much and thanked me before he left.

I was somewhat concerned about his wellbeing when he did. But, that’s for him to deal with. I think I have done for him all that I could.

You know what? I think he’s going to be all right, and so am I.

Ivan did show up the next day. What was more surprising was that he arrived at a descent time at night.

I was shocked when I opened the door and saw him. You could tell by his face that something was going on that wasn’t good.

When he sat down he gave me the impression that he looked worn out, tired and nervous, almost as if life had aged him.

I started to wonder if I looked like that when my whole situation occurred. All I remember was that it was greatly overwhelming; so much that there are parts my mind have chosen to ‘block’ for my own wellbeing.

What can I say? I felt sorry for him.

Ivan sat on a chair and me on another, and he started to open up.

His girlfriend and him had an argument before she left, and there have been others before this one. In essence, certain issues have been getting more complicated because they have not been resolved, so tensions are running high.

He also said that some family members visited him recently. He had a disagreement with one of them the day they were flying out, which he greatly regretted.

What a mess! He seemed he was about to cry and I quickly sat next to him and held his hand.

“Hey, take it easy,” said I, “there’s as much as one can take.” Me holding his hand helped and he let out a huge breath.

“I know it’s never good to fight with those we love, but it happens. Distance and time changes us, many times for the bad. But all you got to do is speak with that person and clear things out. It was just a misunderstanding.

In regards to your girlfriend, maybe it was good that she went away for a few days. You should take the opportunity to think things over and talk, which you don’t like to do.”

Ivan kept saying ‘I know, I know’ but did not go into further details.

“I know you don’t like to talk much and even less share your feelings with me, but I’m here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

He gave me a warm hug before he left and thanked me for my support.

I became worried about him. He is not in a good place and it’s a lot dealing with all that by himself.

I know; I’ve been there.

et cetera