The New M.E. Generation











My Senior year was a mix of many emotions. I was proud of myself for getting this far without having resorted to any negative behavior to help me deal with my insecurities I had about myself. I had zero tolerance for drugs and alcohol, and had no interest in even getting close to them.

At home it was just my mom and me. Although I wasn’t happy being there, I enjoyed the alone time I had when my mom was at work.

Although I still had responsibilities, at least I felt some sort of independence and space for myself. All I wanted to do was bring my best in school, graduate and go away.

Many of these feelings still remain with me today. I have become accustomed to my living conditions and like the freedom to do as I want without being judged. I still stay away from anything I believe will be bad for me.

In spite of experiencing way more difficult situations as an adult, I have always known what’s good and bad. I will say I have been very lucky and blessed to never stray.

At school it felt weird not seeing my friend around. I would learn about him when visiting the pharmacy and hair salon. It all seemed he was doing very well, as if the experience of before didn’t have a permanent effect on him.

Ironically, we didn’t write or called each other much that I recall. I would relay a message through his family, which I hoped he would receive.

He moving away was the best thing happening. From my end he looked like a fully developed adult that wouldn’t stop at anything to get ahead.

In spite the distance and lack of communication between us, I didn’t realize how he kept influencing me for the better. He was the best example to follow that you could overcome any situation if that’s what you chose to do.

And now we both have totally distanced from each other by choice. He did it first and I followed when I felt that he became a threat to my emotional balance and wellbeing.

He almost turned my world upside down and I hate him for that, but I didn’t allow it. It was heartbreaking to do, but it was something that I needed to do and don’t regret it.

It has taken me a lot to ‘graduate’ to where I am today. And like when he was my friend, I will continue moving forward, not letting anything deter me in going the distance to reach my dreams.

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My high school friend graduated a year before I did. My brother was on the same class and attending the graduation without him being there was a somber night for me.

This period represented a new stage in my life. My friend and brother were going away to college in a few months, which meant I would be alone at home with mom and my Senior year would start.

I was looking forward to this time, but was also lost of what to do with education and myself, especially when he was away.

I felt somewhat lost without my support system. And my insecurities about my intelligence and grades for my college application had me on the edge.

I kept thinking how in spite all he did he managed to get to the school of his choice. He knew exactly what he wanted to do for a career and how he would make it happen. Me, I didn’t have a clue what to expect for dinner that night.

The last memory I have of my friend during this time was of him coming to terms about ending high school, but glad he would go away from all this and start engaging in what he really loved.

He legally completed his studies, but don’t recall that he received the diploma. I believe he mentioned having to get a lawyer so there would be a record filed in school and Education Department that he had completed all the high school requirements.

That made me even more sad and puzzled about life in general and of witnessing this happening to someone I cared about.

That’s probably why I was overwhelmed; my mom had high expectations of me, my brother was the center of attention for always, and my mom was trying to adjust to this major change at home.

The summer went normal. I would see my friend at the pharmacy whenever I could. I don’t recall saying good-bye in person. I probably did over the phone and holding back my tears. After all he went through to finish school, the least I could do was to be supportive towards him and not add any additional pressure.

I do recall that when he and my brother left, I sat at my room looking around and thinking, ‘now what?’ It wouldn’t be the first moment that I felt that I was totally on my own without someone to hold my hand to lead the way.

It was as scary as when my ‘x’ walked out the door for good. Thinking about it now brings back this feeling, but incredibly I managed to overcome it all and stay in one piece.

So why am I still sad? Because I miss my friend and it hurts losing the friendship. This is not what was meant to be, but as he and I have done, I will hold my head up, knowing that no matter what, I will make it through this time and will be just fine.



I somehow managed to finally fall asleep. The weather was cooler than normal, so it was nice to be in bed resting.

I didn’t immediately get out of bed upon waking up. I knew well what had evolved the previous night: he wanted to drive all the way over here and show up (not exactly unannounced); better yet, surprise me on Valentine’s weekend.

You’re probably thinking why I didn’t go for it when I keep saying that I should get exposed to these type of situations.

As stupid as it may seem, I wasn’t up for it last night. Blame it on my comfy bed, me being tired, or perhaps that I had washed my hair and didn’t want to get it messed up.

It just gets to the point that if you know nothing else will evolve here, why put your time and emotions into it?

I know I could just do it for the fun of it and later remember the incident as one that made this particular weekend unique.

But as weird as this may sound, perhaps the real reason is that I unconsciously felt this would be a grown-up version of what happened during high school.

The memories are limited, but between what I’ve learned from his stories and the little I remember, the scenario is just the same: he’s into me, but not enough or interested to taking it further.

That I could have had a jolly, good time (and maybe more) is true. But at this point in my life, I’ve learned to do that with my girlfriends, but most importantly, on my own, without the need of having a guy next to me.

And then, at exactly 10:10am, the beach guy resurfaced.

‘Good morning. You know I would have driven there for the day,’ text he.

‘But you’re with your daughter.’

‘She’s 17 and her 18-year-old brother is here. They will be fine overnight or for the day. I could have even left late last night, but you were so stubborn about your address. I guess you didn’t get the hint.’

‘I fell asleep. And thought you couldn’t leave your kids home alone.’

‘The little one is out of state and the two I have with me are old enough to be alone.

‘You can still come here. I have off tomorrow.’

‘I have to work tomorrow and I’m not driving there just to be with you for a couple of hours.’

See what I mean? It felt just like the good old days. He would spend a few hours with me at the beach and off he went. The day would have evolved the same, minus the location.

I was sort of still questioning myself about my indifference, but not any more. You realize what I did? I rejected him!!

Wow! And maybe for the first time, the sand blew up to him and hit him hard on the face. Nice!

This is definitely one memory I’m surely not forgetting.



This guy disappeared off the radar, but not for very long.

That’s how he behaved, so when I started getting texts very late in the evening or really early morning, I wasn’t surprised at all. He would either send multiple messages or a very brief one. I would or would not respond to them depending on the day and time they were received.

Those late in the evening on a work week were usually those of ‘how are you?’ If I hadn’t gone to sleep yet, I would respond with a quick answer like ‘I’m fine, txs’.

If received during my sleep, I would not answer at all, not even the next day.

If anything happened during the weekend, he would text late Friday or Saturday evening with the ‘hey, what are you doing tonight?’ line. Even if I was ‘home alone’ with no plans, I would wait a while and then answer, ‘sorry out on a date’.

Now, those received early morning continued to be weird like, ‘listening to music here’, ‘have your apartment all set up?’ or ‘want to see you again’.

Those I would not read until I woke up. Seeing his name on my mobile was an eyesore. I would basically not answer.

It was sort of strange though that he wouldn’t continue his texts even after I responded to them. It’s like one minute you’re interested in me and then you’re not.

At moments I would laugh and others felt sorry for him because I think that after the wedding incident he hasn’t been able to score with any women and he’s probably wondering what the hell is going on with that.

It seems to me that he’s trying to have me as his next ‘trophy woman’ and finally break the streak.

Hmm, interesting. I never thought about that. But yet, who cares? It’s still not happening (as is him and me).



et cetera