The New M.E. Generation











Ivan took me to a small but modern-looking bar. Because it was so early in the evening, we were the only ones there.

We ordered drinks and picked up the conversation from the one we had over the phone. We went over again on our reasons for giving online dating a try. It pretty much boiled down that finding a mate has been unsuccessful, and this was the only other option that will hopefully ‘save the day.’

I confessed to him that I was surprised he approached me. I asked him what made him do that.

“I was impressed by your beauty, and then after by your profile,” said he.

I was very flattered by his comment that he found me pretty. I know other guys have said this to me before. But, with him, it felt that he meant it.

“What was about my profile that you liked?” asked I.

“I’m not sure. I guess it was your honesty. All I know is that I wanted to meet you,” said he. “What about you? What made you reply to my email?”

“You know what? I’m not quite sure myself. There was something about your smile, the relaxed way that you looked seated in the stairs with your flip-flops that gave me a good vibe.”

We kept looking at each other and couldn’t stop smiling. After a while we were both at ease and enjoying our date. I was feeling that there was even chemistry between us.

I can’t deny that I felt an attraction to him from the moment I saw his pictures and in person. I really wanted to kiss him or get kissed by him. I even wanted to touch him or get closer to him somehow.

But I was scared that if I took the first step, he would take it the wrong way. I wanted to show him that he had made an impression on me, but not too obvious. I just did not want to mess up this date.

Hmm, wonder if he feels the same. I think he does.

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After Jay left, our correspondence continued and we were missing each other terribly. Saying good-bye to him at the airport was very hard. We kept hugging each and I tried not to cry. I didn’t look through my rear view window when I drove away because I was just too sad.

The waiting for his arrival felt forever and, now that he was gone, my place felt very empty and lonely as before he came. It was as if he had never made the trip.

About two months later, Jay came back for another week that, of course, included more water skiing, but no travel to the resort.

This time around, he got more of a taste of what my life was about. He got to see Dina again, met Madelyn, and I took him to the different places that I usually go out to.

I even told my friends and family about him. I communicated to others that Jay was someone special that was now part of my life, and all were happy that there was someone else to whom I was special too as well.

Jay even expressed for me to go visit him a few months later at the lake community he was living at. This way, I could really get a sense of his life as a whole now that he got to know mine, and as a way to hopefully continue whatever we had going.

Yes, the relationship conversation was again brought up. The original agreement of continuing to see other people, only as friends, and to keep the communication or honesty open, was to stand.

The second time around went equally as good, but as soon as he left, uncertainty about the future about our relationship quickly sink in once again. This was the last time that, for now, Jay could visit me. And even if I did go to Canada, what was to happen between us after I returned home was in question.

I mean, people were happy for me, but everyone was having the same concern as well. They were glad to learn that I had a love in my life, but what were the chances of a long distance relationship of ever working out?

Forget about the mutual feelings and that we were both different from each other in so many ways. The distance factor was one that, in the end, would do just that, end anything.

I’m digesting all this and can’t come to a conclusion. I figured out that, for now, I’ll go visit him, see how that goes, and take it from there.

And, yet again, I’m throwing all this into the universe, hoping it will give me some direction or answer to my uncertainties.

And it did, but not exactly in what I was shooting for.



One the day before Jay was scheduled to leave, he and I were having dinner at home and I thought discussing our relationship before he left was the right thing to do.

“Jay, do you think we’ll ever have a chance of making, whatever we have together, work?”

“Well, it will definitely be a challenge.”

“Listen, I know I’m still dealing with baggage from my divorce, and if I don’t get my life back on track, I won’t be able to be happy with you or any other person, period.

Also, I don’t want you to think that because we’re ‘together’ that you can’t go out or be friends with other women. I appreciate that you consider me your girlfriend and everyone in your world knows about me. But I also want to be fair and realistic about our situation.”

“I’m grateful for you being open about this and the best thing to do is that we keep being honest with each other and talk about it if the situation occurs.”

We finished dinner and enjoyed the rest of the evening, but talking about other things.

Jay was sad for leaving; I was very much indeed. He said he had another vacation time about a month later and would definitely try to make it back. He also mentioned for me to go visit him some time after his second possible visit, right after the winter had concluded and the weather was bearable for me to withstand.

Sounds like a plan, but so far away, like the time before he came down which seemed would never happen.

I am so happy that this trip happened, but once Jay leaves my life goes back to as before, back to the uncertainty of what lays ahead, and now with an added stress of what the universe is holding for me with this long distance thing.

Can anyone up there send me a clue or something, please?



et cetera