The New M.E. Generation











{December 30, 2013}   Looking Back 26 – Over the limit

After Thanksgiving break, I went to my usual routine. A few weeks went by and no word from that guy or myself to him either.

And, in his expected manner, he re-emerged like a bad cold that refuses to go away all together.

‘Closed on my house, yay! How are you?’ his text read.

My thought was, ‘Yay, great for you, as always’. This means there’s always going to be a situation (or better yet, excuse) for him not coming to see me.

And regarding the ‘how are you?’ part, I’m in no rush in responding. Like I’ve said before, if he cared in any way, he would have called already, and I’m tired of wasting my limited texting on him.

A couple of hours later, he wrote again. ‘Are you there?’

‘Yep’, said I. Felt more like saying, ‘Still here putting up with you’. My limit with him was already way more than that of my last messaging billing cycle.

‘I have Xmas week off. What will you be doing?’ wrote he.

‘I will be around’, replied I. Regardless if I have a plan or not doesn’t matter. I know I will not be included in his, so why say anything else?

A couple of weeks went by and, again, he was lost all together. I had stepped away from communicating to him as I have been doing (‘yay’ to that!).

Before I knew it, it was Xmas Eve and, as I always do, I call everyone I think deserves my undivided attention and wish them well. The ‘beach guy’ didn’t, but in the spirit of the holidays, I putted my emotions aside and did anyway.

I knew this would go over quickly (he wouldn’t answer my call), so I made his first. Here’s the drill: his phone rings 4 times and then voicemail activates. ‘Hello, this is…Please leave me a message and I’ll return your call as soon as I can’ (which you never do with me).

My response: ‘Hey, it’s me. Just wanted to wish you a Merry Xmas with your family and loved ones’ (which doesn’t include me).

All right, done. Time to call those others worth my mobile minutes.

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I was glancing through the list of possible date candidates that I receive daily via email, when…(whoa!), is that him?

I quickly opened his profile and, sure enough, it was he. He still had some photos that I remember seeing when I first met him plus some new ones.

Those others showed a much happier person and I was glad. It has been a few years and by this time I’m sure he had achieved getting his medical license and taking care of other aspects of his life.

I enjoyed looking at his pictures, but having an active profile also meant he was still single all together. So maybe I wasn’t that wrong in my opinion when we knew each other.

Reality is, it’s been that long since we last spoke that it doesn’t matter now. The present does.

I kept looking at his profile and pictures, and decided to send him an email. He looked that he was in a good place so contacting him didn’t felt like a bad idea.

What’s the worst that could happen? That he deletes it and/or never replies to it? Probably.

All right, here I go.

‘Hey, how are you? I accidentally came across your profile and from the look of your pictures I can tell that life is good for you.

I know things between us didn’t end in a good way, but please know that I only wish the best for you.’

I was nervous hitting the ‘send’ button. What I said was to the point, but how will he take it? Just do it. (Done.)



I really thought that after that last phone call it was definitely over between Ivan and me. I had completely taken him out of my existence when, out of the blue, he sent me a text message sometime past 10 pm, when I was already asleep. It read the basic ‘how are you?’

This is so weird. He has never, ever, initiated a call or text before. For this to happen it’s because something extraordinary happened, even really bad. I thought about the possibilities such as that he lost his job, his health is not well, or perhaps it had something to do with his family.

Since I knew he is not much of a talker, the ‘conversation’ was continued electronically, through which I learned that his girlfriend was traveling and he was out at a bar with some friends.

Hmm, so you’re texting me because: (a) you’re realizing not getting involved with me was a mistake; (b) I’m happy with my woman, but could use some company while she’s away; (c) things are not going well and have no one else to ‘text’ to; (d) all of the above.

The texting continued until he finally revealed that things were indeed not well from his end. Of course, he didn’t specifically say what that entitled; that’s the way he always dealt with things. He would just let you know enough, but not enough to reveal his emotions or true self.

He would always say, ‘everyone has problems’ in an attempt for others to see his situation as unimportant or lesser than their own. In a way he was reacting like me; he was protecting himself from feeling any more pain than what he already was.

The conversation continued and I offered him to come over the next evening and talk, if he wanted to (or was open to that). I knew he was going to say ‘no’, but I gave it a shot. And in a twist of events, he said ‘yes’.

Damn, it must be really bad, whatever his situation may be. I hope he does show up tomorrow. Still, he can reverse to his old ways and give me the excuse that he doesn’t like talking about his issues.

Hmm, sound to be this is all about option ‘b’.



I took Dina’s advice of not calling Christian. But after a week or so he hadn’t and I felt the need to call him. After all, I was the one who said that would ‘stay in touch.’

Hmm, I’m wondering if there was another ‘lost phone’ incident or a lost interest all- together. Well, I’ll never know if I don’t make the call.

“Hey Christian, how are you? We haven’t spoken since…that day.”

“I know. That sure was a nasty storm.”

“So what you’re up to?”

“Same old; the kids, fishing. The weather has been good on both. How about you?”

“Same as usual. My life is pretty tranquil. But, um, was calling to say ‘hi’ and know how you were.”

I almost asked him to set up another date to meet but I held back. He didn’t make the move nor he sounded interested in doing so. The conversation was one of those that you do when you just want to really speak to someone you haven’t for some time.

So, in essence, the call turned to a ‘blah’ one when I had just seen him a week before. He was not someone who represented anything in my life. I had no feelings for him and think he doesn’t see anything in me.

I felt empty after I hung up. I felt this had lead to nothing and Christian was to become another guy who briefly crossed my life.

On the other hand, I was wondering if I was coming to conclusions too fast. So, once again, I asked myself, ‘what am I going to do?’ Wait for a few days or even a week like I previously did?

Don’t know. At least I did like Dina, no emotions attached.

You know what, this feels like the storm. It came quickly, caused some mayhem for 20 minutes and then disappeared.

In other words, he appeared suddenly, his presence ‘tested the water’ of my life for a short time, and now he has ‘moved on.’

And so have I.

The weather has cleared out and it’s time to look forward to new ‘brighter’ days.



A few weeks later I received a surprising text message from Jeffrey: ‘How are you? What are you doing?’

Whoa! Where did this come from? Is he back? If he is, why is he looking for me? I took my chance in calling him and, lucky me, he answered the call.

“So, you’re back?” asked I in a tone of voice pretending nothing had happened.

“Yeah, I’m on the road taking care of business. Did you move?”

“Actually, I did while you were away. Are you close by? Can you make it over here?”

Lucky me, again, he did make it to my new place. When I greeted him at the entrance of my building, he was still looking as good as I remembered. He seemed to have rested somewhat. He also had a face of not entirely being happy to be back in town, a.k.a., back to reality.

He sat in my sofa and I on a chair. I did not bring the question of the reason for his break-up text and now him contacting me again.

“So…how was it? I asked.

“Great! Saw my friends, spent time with my family. I was saddened when I had to leave.”

“And…were you nice or naughty over there?”

Jeff opened his eyes wide, looked down and grinned a smile of ‘gotcha.’” “Yes, I was naughty with two ex-girlfriends of mine.

‘Lucky them,’ I thought. Why can’t I? Yes, I will admit, I felt sort of jealous. What did you expect?

I rolled my eyes up and smiled as well with a look of not being surprised at all. I mean, of course it was bound to happen. He is on an unhappy relationship, he manages to get away from it for a few weeks, and finds former flings willing to provide what he’s lacking. It’s obvious you’re going to for it! Hmm, doesn’t this sound familiar?

“So, what are you going to do now?” asked I. He gave the usual ‘don’t want to talk about it’ look. “It’s not only about your relationship. I meant your life in general.”

“I don’t know. Been thinking of moving back home permanently on my own.”

“Oh? What will you do with your business?”

“Not sure about that either. The only thing I truly know is that if I became single again, I’ll stay like that for a good long time.”

Jeffrey and I kept chatting for a while. And when he left, we said good-bye to each other as we always did before: no agreements or discussion wherever we would talk or see each other again or anything.

We would always say ‘see you later’ or ‘nice seeing you’ as if there would be a next time.

But that no one knew. We have taken each encounter as it came, without thinking about in the present or for the future.

I closed the door and kept on with my life, like nothing had ever happened.



It was an awkward feeling when Jeff arrived at my place. The first time I saw him was at the lounge. I was nicely dressed and put up together.

Now I was in jeans and no make-up; just how I normally hang around my place. He knew what I was wearing, but was still nervous to see him.

I offered to sit out in the patio in two lounge chairs. The night presented itself with a full moon and the weather was just right to do that.

The conversation started with the ‘how are you?’ line, moved to admitting that I was surprised that he had called me (or showed some interest in me), but was glad he was here.

After some time of small talk and the confidence opened up between the two of us, the normal thing was for the topics to get more personal.

I don’t know how it happened, but I started speaking about my current state of my divorce very candidly, up to a point that I really opened up about pretty much about my whole life.

I got sad and even shed some tears. But I felt very at ease saying what was on my mind.

And, out of nowhere, Jeff took my hand and held it. I believe he said something like, ‘don’t worry, things will be fine.’

I thanked him for his gesture. “I don’t know what you plan to do with your situation. But I hope that it gets resolved for the best as well.”

We sat there in the patio for a long time. I remained emotional most of the night, but at least got some temporary relief.

Jeffrey said he would keep in touch with me. I didn’t ask him to explain what he meant by this (and if he actually planned to do so). But, what the heck, can’t complaint.

Even if I never get to see him again, minimizing the pain I was feeling back then, and getting a dose of hopefulness for facing the future was all worth it.

Just think what two encounters with this guy have made for me.

Shoot! If only he wasn’t ‘that complicated.’



I called Jeffrey’s number and, to my surprise, he answered almost immediately. Not that much time had elapsed between his call and mine, so it was expected that he would recognize my number.

“Hey, Jeff, how are you? So nice of you to call.”

“Yeah, like I said, I was on your ‘hood, on business actually, and remembered you lived here, so I decided to call.”

“Oh, and what kind of work do you do that takes you into the nighttime?”

“I have my own line of men’s clothes.”

“Wow, you’re a designer!”

“I’m trying to. For now I’m concentrated on custom-made shirts designed with different styles.”

“Sounds to me that you’re well on your way. Would love to see your work.”

“Well, I’m working on my website, so hopefully you should be able to do so soon.”

I was curious to get ‘the real deal’ on his marital status so I finally asked him about it.

“So, hmm, what’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your friend at the bar said you were in a ‘complicated relationship,’ which means?”

“I’m married.”

“Whoa! But you’re so young. How long have you been?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jeff’s tone of voice quickly shifted from nice to somewhat upset. I had touched a nerve that obviously hurt very badly.

“Listen, I don’t know the details of your relationship. But I will say this: I invested 15 years of my life to one guy who, at the end of the day, left me because ‘he was unhappy.’

If the two of you are having problems, but still want to make it work, by all means go for it. I’m going through a divorce and it’s totally miserable.

But if things are so bad, it’s better to end it, and not let 15 years go by to restart your life. Do it while you’re still young.”

I was lecturing this guy and felt like crap. I felt old and that my life was headed towards a dead end.

Jeffrey was still sounding bad over the phone so the only remaining thing to say to him was to offer myself as a ‘sympathetic ear’ wherever he needed to talk to someone.

Now listen to myself! My husband dumped me, I’m fresh into a divorce process and I’m giving relationship advice? Who am I kidding? (Myself.)

The conversation ended in a sort of sour note and I was more concentrated on how depressed and lousy I felt than of wondering if any communication between Jeffrey and me had any remote chance of occurring again.

Has this ‘cougar moment’ come to an end?



et cetera