The New M.E. Generation











“Hey, what’s up?” asked I to Ivan.

“Working, working. It’s non-stop,” said he in his usual exhausted tone of voice.

“Whatever…Hey I get it. You don’t have space in your life for me or I’m not the one for you. I’ll be fine. You’re not the first guy that has been in my life and disappeared for some reason. Online dating or not, it had the same result.”

I started talking too much and my emotions came afloat, and almost started crying while talking to him. This is exactly what I did not want to happen.

“Emma, I hear you. I’ve been in your shoes too. But you know it is not that I have no interest in you. It’s my job. I promise I will make an effort to call you.”

You promise? Yeah, right! I nodded my head side to side and sighed in frustration because I knew it was not going to happen.

“If you say so,” I concluded.

And as usual, the conversation didn’t last very long. There was a dinner being held at his employer’s residence and he was in charge of the whole event. Meaning, this day was to end very late into the night, like so many others for him.

The phone call ended and I was very sad. I had a feeling this was the last time we would speak on the phone, and probably the end of whatever we shared.

Should I give him a last chance to prove himself wrong?

Between you and me, no, I don’t think he will.

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After I hung up my phone call with Mark, I remained seated for a while with my head resting on the back frame of the sofa. Some tears were still coming down from my eyes.

I knew that Mark, one way or the other, would get me to confront the real issue at play, which was ‘I don’t want to get hurt.’

This was the real deal. It had nothing to do with giving myself a chance, or finding that other person I was back in college, or that I offered my sofa to sleep, and whatever else had me all mixed up.

Yes, this is what it boiled down to and I’m running away from it so doesn’t happen again.

So what’s next? All I thought was to have another serious talk with Jay, expose him to this situation and, depending on his response, make the final decision about his trip.

Since I was still too emotional, I decided to place the call the next day after getting a good night sleep and my thoughts in order. After going through the usual ‘hello’s’ and ‘how are you?,’ we picked up the trip topic.

After reviewing it one more time, and me expressing my anxiety for the millionth time, I finally popped the question to Jay: ‘How do I know that you’re not going to hurt me?’

“Emma, I promise, I promise, I won’t hurt you.”

Jay said other things afterwards, which I don’t recall. I do remember closing my eyes and finally exhaling in relief. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I opened my eyes and felt no more anxiety. Everything now just looked clear to me.

“All right Jay, you can come and visit me.”



et cetera