The New M.E. Generation

I didn’t give Jesse much thought after my conversation with Madelyn. It is what it is and I don’t need to let things give me any more anxiety than they already have.

Besides, I was clear on this one. I took his number down, so I was in charge of what would happen next.

So, I did it my way; I waited a few weeks to go by and decided to text him. Yes, texting. I thought I should try something new besides a phone call.

And, because it was my first time doing so, I couldn’t wait to learn how he would react.

(My text): ‘I told you I would get in touch with you.’

‘Sorry, I don’t recognize this number,’ replied he.

‘Can’t believe you don’t remember me!’

‘Still don’t know who you are.’

‘That’s because of all the girls you probably hit on the night you tried to pick me up.’

He still was not getting who it was until a few more messages later. The interesting thing was that the phone never got involved throughout the entire time. Even more, when Jesse finally realized it was I, his tone changed.

Although he was at work, he was able to easily put into a few words what his impression was of me.

He had to keep it down, and I meant the words, in case he got caught, like someone taking a look at this phone (or maybe his pants).

The texting didn’t end up on anything. He was busy so we just finished the ‘exchange of words’ with some ‘TTUL’.

I was laughing at how it all turned out. Best of all, he didn’t chase me again into seeing me or anything else.

Hopefully he got satisfied and will perhaps look for someone more his age who will go for his pick-up lines…or so I thought.

In the weeks that followed, I continued having some communication with Jay. I avoided asking him about his new ‘love interest,’ so I just stick to trivial topics.

I was having difficulty getting over him. Some days I would wear the ring and others I wouldn’t. I guess I needed to remind myself that something good has happened in my life.

But I believe the most difficult thing was to tell friends that it was over and that the trip to Canada was not happening. They were all sad and disappointed for how things ended because they knew this was the first guy after my divorce that I genuinely had feelings for, and had given myself the opportunity to open my heart to.

Yep, it took me some time to let go of him. I put the ring away, cried late at night, and got the lessons from this experience that I believe will help me move forward.

The day I knew it was really over was when I called him for the last time. I did because there was some news he had been hoping to hear from me for some time. But I also wanted to hear his voice and reaction of listening me on the other end of the line.

Jay answered the call in his usual upbeat demeanor every time I called, and became more when he heard the news. But after this part was over and I talked about everyday things, the conversation became ‘flat.’ It felt as if he was speaking to anyone else like a friend or co-worker; someone who doesn’t have any special feelings for.

I even had the courage to ask him about his love life, and he responded by saying that he was still seeing her, and taking things very slow.

He then continued to say that he was doing some work on his home and he needed to get back to that. When he said good-bye he was cold as someone who is way over you, or not interested in you at all, even perhaps pretending nothing had happened and needed to ‘exit’ as quickly as possible in order to avoid getting into the present reality.

Meaning, it’s so easy to ‘dump’ somebody when you have someone else lined-up. Of course, you’re not empty-handed, especially if the new person is more convenient for your lifestyle.

He knew that the way he behaved was not the best, so he used the ‘baggage’ situation to let go of me easily and have a good mental excuse for leaving me.

Truth is, if she hadn’t come along, I would have made the trip and maybe still be with Jay.

It’s hard to believe that someone who greeted me with so much love at the airport has now said good-bye the opposite way.

So what am I going to make of it? Nothing. I’m not dwelling on it like I did with the others.

It is what it is and that’s it.

et cetera