The New M.E. Generation











{September 26, 2016}   The Swipe – Left or right

I met with Dina for Sunday brunch. It has been a while since we’ve gotten together. She invited some other girlfriends of her to join us as well.

I personally don’t mind that because it’s always good to meet new people and just have plain conversations about anything. Of course, the topic always turns to men.

I don’t know how it came up, but one of the other women started talking about these new mobile dating apps that are super easy to use. I’ve heard about those that you see a photo of the person with some basic info like first name, location, work title (if provided), and deciding if you like the person or not, you simply swipe right for yes, left for no.

The next step is that, hopefully, the person that you liked had done the same for you previously and a connection is established. It’s then up to you to try to continue with such connection, as you only have about 24 hours to communicate with the other person before it’s lost for good. Sound simple, but it pushes you to take quick action.

The woman opened her profile to show me the app. I noticed the age range and it was in the mid to late 30’s. There were many nice looking guys for her to consider.

I kept looking at what the app provided and also at her. She had a friendly personality, nicely dressed, has a good job, and is in the same situation as me. We have qualities that any guy would wish for (I think) and we can’t find someone. How crazy is that?

I downloaded the app while still there, but didn’t open it, as I felt it would be disrespectful from my part. I may try to be digitally up-to-date, but will not act like the current generation that its glued to their device every waking moment. This you handle in privacy when you get home. And I did.

I opened the app once I settled down, created the profile, added photos, etc., and off I went. The results were a bit of everything: some men looked good enough to consider; others looked way older than me; others were definitely a no right from the first photo appearing; others had photos at different ages; others had photos other than themselves (kids, dog, beach, stupid GIFs or memes). You name it, I saw it.

But before you do the swipe, you have to read the location of where each one lives and any information they might have provided that sheds some light as to what they want.

There were some that were just too far away for me, meaning it will always be difficult when having to see each other. Doing the ‘meet you in the middle’ will not work in the long run.

Other closer locations I consider ‘manageable’; they’re easy to get to or are ones that I could consider moving to in the future if anything became serious. I know I’m jumping ahead of myself, but you have to consider any scenario from the start, not later, and avoid the ‘it’s complicated’ dilemma.

Others, after reading the info, including their profession, you just realize you have nothing in common, or they’re out of your (and their) league. I am trying to be as open as possible to anything out of my comfort zone. But there’s some people that you just know by the way they’re behaving in the photos, what they’re wearing, or other physical aspects, that it will never happen, not even if the planets aligned or the world is about to end. Not only do you know, you feel it.

And the ‘out of league’, those guys that spend every available time in the beach, gym, or similar activities, want someone like them. Period. End of story.

Ladies, take it from me: they’re not going to stop pumping irons with their buddies or change their schedule for you, unless you do so for them or are into the same thing. The ‘trophy woman’ will not work unless you’re into bodybuilding or have a jacked-up body.

Other ‘outs’ (as mentioned above), include those that claim that travel constantly (pleasure or work), or have photos attending some fabulous event. This may look very chic and glamorous, but unless you’re in those inner circles, have the money to be a globetrotter, or afford to be at the level of those activities, chances are you will not be the woman for him.

It also applies to guys who are CEO’s or entrepreneurs. I’m not saying to sell yourself short, but these guys who are very successful, want women who are accomplished in a similar business/corporate measure.

You may be happy with your job and feel fulfilled with what you do, but if you’re not even close to where he is professionally, you will always look second place next to him, maybe a bimbo, or someone who’s with this guy for some personal agenda you have.

Don’t get me wrong; you may have your self-esteem and confidence in the right place and will not feel intimidated, but it will become an issue somewhere in the long run.

Also, stay away from guys who say they’re in town for a week. You’re not an escort (and have no idea what they left behind back home). Believe me when I say he won’t remember you once he’s gone. All they want is that their ‘layover’ turns into ‘getting laid over and over’ again.

Unfortunately, life is not fair, on anything. It’a jungle out there, even for finding a guy. So if you’re ready for this technology, then get your finger ready and start swiping.

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After my return home, life went back to normal for me. For Madeline and my friend, not so much.

About a year later, Madeline decided to quit he job. She had mentioned this when I first visited her. She didn’t give me a solid reason for it other than ‘she had thought about for some time and had already made her mind on it.’

I tried to make sense into her, but in her true fashion, there wasn’t anything to make her go back her decision. And by the time she officially confirmed it with me, she had put notice at work and had separated a storage space.

Her mom flew over shortly after and Madeline placed all her belongings in the storage. She was literally living out of her suitcase and with no immediate plan.

She came to my area to leave her car with some friends. She then took off to Europe for a month by herself. Upon her return she was like a gypsy jumping from one place to another, without saying what she would do next.

When I told my friend, it made no sense to him either. He was convinced that something really bad happened with a person or situation that made her decide on something so extreme.

But with Madeline’s close tight persona, the answer to that mystery as of to the why was one I knew would never be solved.

Fast forward another year and my friend’s job contract was coming to an end; he was making the arrangements to stay with his employer and hopefully get transferred to another location.

I don’t know how he broke it to me, but it was during this time that he told me that his relationship was in bad shape.

It caught me by surprise, as he was someone who always managed to overcome any problem. It was a situation that had taken time to develop, which made me wonder why he didn’t share with me when it started getting complicated.

I got concerned for him, so I started calling him more often for support. I knew his girlfriend wouldn’t like it, but he had always been there for me and now it was my turn to do the same.

At that point I had no position about his relationship since I had no details of what had been happening. My only wish was that he wouldn’t get too hurt and whatever concluded would be for the best for both of them.

What I didn’t know was that his so called girlfriend, if that, hated my guts with a passion, to the point that one day she answered my friend’s phone and talked to me with a nasty tone.

I got to know her even nastier side the following week when she called my mobile. Among the things that this primitive-level person told me was that I couldn’t call him because he was ‘her man’ and that ‘his family had no recollection of who I was.’

To which I replied, “if he doesn’t want my friendship, he has to be the one to tell me IN MY FACE. Second, I’ve been in his life way before you starting fucking it up, so I’m not going away any time soon.”

I then proceed to provide such an array of details including full names, addresses, dates and else, that clearly proved that I was more than a friend, I had also been part of his family.

And while I kept on and on, all this low-class bitch could do was gag, as she realized she made a huge fool of herself and eventually hung up.

I was determined to defend my friend no matter what. But in the same fashion as Madeline, something happened to my friend that made him someone unknown to me.

Yep, the people who I always looked up to and gave me the tools to survive were the ones now with such a broken down system, that not even a personal upgrade was to fix them.



{February 9, 2015}   Looking Back 39 – What the…

Don’t know what’s happening lately. But it’s been more than 5 years since I became single again, which means I’ve worked very hard to get over my ‘past life’ and ‘X’, and bring the new me into the world.

Those people close to me have told me how much I have evolved for the better, that I look good, and present myself as being at peace with myself, and managing well my current work and personal situations.

Given all that, why am I now having dreams with people I know will never, ever, become anything else than what they are now, like ‘the beach guy’?

One night I had this dream where he and I were together out on the town somewhere. I have these quick images of standing in front of a tree he had decorated with these pretty lights for me.

I did comment how pretyy his action had been and I was happy. There was other surprises he pulled off which made me feel very flattered and special.

Then we were inside a nice car (probably his) and then, he proposed!

But, no ring! I was even happier and probably said ‘yes’ because we both kissed. But it was a simple one like in the movies, nothing that would be too overdone.

When I woke up in the morning, it was a heavy mix of emotions. Don’t get me wrong; I do want to get married again, but with him??

And as romantic as any woman can be, of course I would like the proposal to be as beautiful as can be, even more so than the first time.

I started overanalyzing the dream and realized I should be laughing about it, even feeling good about it.

I’m over this guy and shouldn’t give up my real dream of finding true love. Got to think in the positive, always.

Hmm, wonder what he has to say about it.

‘OMG had a dream last night with you that we got engaged. I woke up with a feeling of WTF. My hormones are probably out of whack,’ text I.

‘LOL,’ replied he. ‘Sorry, I don’t think I’ll ever marry again.’

‘I’m not interested in marrying you to start with. But it was interesting the way you did the whole thing.’

‘Ahh. When I do something I usually do it right, whether it be a good or bad thing.’

‘I do want to get married again someday. So I guess I was just visualizing how it would happen. Why your face was in my dream is a mystery. Probably it was as you’re saying; you’re the only guy I know who would do it in a way that would be memorable. But, no ring!’

‘No ring? That’s strange.’

‘Yes, but overall was a colorful dream and there was even a kiss.’

‘That’s good. You really are a good person and attractive.’

‘So humbling of you to think that way of me after all these years considering I can be complicated at times.’

‘You’re not complicated, just looking for love and companionship. That’s what everyone wants.’

‘I guess, although some people don’t want to have a commitment, just party and have fun.’

‘Correct.’

Well, how about that? I wasn’t expecting him to say that about me. It actually made me feel very good.

I will say it was sort of a dream of mine to clear out all that happened between us to get some peace of mind, and I think that has been manifested in a nice subconscious way.

But the proposal part? Spare me! I propose to leave the situation as it is, give it a kiss of approval and keep dreaming on.



The new year’s came and went. I made the best of what was left of my vacation days and returned to work with a new attitude. But, not sign of Ivan.

I think I was halfway through my workweek when I felt ‘teasing’ Ivan with a text to see if there was ever any reaction from him.

‘I didn’t hear from you at all again. So disappointing’, text I.

He surely reacted, about 5 minutes later. That was fast! And, no, it wasn’t with a text; he actually called.

“Why are you disappointed??!!,” asked he.

“Well, because…I answered your text and you never text again.”

“I had family visiting and it got complicated. You know how that goes.”

“I know that. And I replied to you that I would have loved to meet with both of you.”

“Listen, I can’t talk now. Will call you back,” said he while finishing the call in record time of about 2 minutes.

Really? How many times haven’t I heard this before or barely having an exchange of words?

About 3 minutes later he sent me a text: ‘Sorry, my employer was close when I was talking to you.’

And in true Ivan fashion, he hasn’t followed up on what he said he would do. But instead of getting upset as I used to do, I started laughing about what just happened. It made me remind that feeling when you were a child and decide to do something that you hope results that way you hoped for.

It was just the best one in the world. The fact that I was to tell no one made it even more enjoyable. It’s like having full control of what you do in your own little world.

I kept working with a nice smile on my face and feeling so happy with myself. Heck, I haven’t felt like this for a long time.

I let another week or so to go by as I and did what I’ve done before many times, send a new text: ‘Hey, you never called me back.’

Did he reply? Of course not! So I laughed again and forgot about it.

A new chance to text him happened when a girlfriend of mine was celebrating her birthday around where Ivan lives.

I thought about texting him, ‘I will be in your area tonight’, but decided not because I knew he would be another ‘no show’.

I went to the party, had fun, came back home and put myself to sleep, just like this situation has been.



It was around the end part of my workday on a Thursday when I got a text message from a guy I had long forgotten, including deleting from my social media profiles.

Want to guess who it is? Clues include unanswered calls, always addressing you over a text message, endless excuses for not coming over to visit you.

If you guessed the ‘beach guy’, you’re right.

“Hey, you probably have written me off by now,” read his text. I will be at a seminar on Saturday. Don’t know how far the location is from you. But would be nice if you came this way and saw you. Maybe there’s still some chemistry here.”

This is another situation that has become recurrent in my relationship with men. After they dump me for someone else and drop off the radar, they re-emerge when their current relationships sucks big time.

And, of course, the reason for why it’s happening is always placed on their counterparts. According to them guys, it’s beyond complicated. The females turn out to be psychos or the next incarnation of Godzilla.

These idiots turn me down because of some recycled excuse that they can’t even explain themselves (“I have a lot on my plate right now; my kids take a lot of my time; I’m going through an existential crisis”, etc.), to later ‘realize’ they haven’t quite forgotten me.

That’s how it is; women that are easy to deal with and control, gives you no problems, plus gives you good bedding, is what guys want, that is, until the females turn against you with nasty rampages or stalking.

This is followed by ‘I don’t know how to get out of this relationship’ and look for any reason to escape their situation.

What I want to know from all this is: what did you do that has turned these women into unrecognizable creatures?

Wait, have I turned into something I’m not aware of? What can I compare myself to? Or, what would I wished I could be in regards to the guys?

Probably a supernatural entity like a ghost, so I can appear on their dreams and scream at them, “You’re a major a-hole!!!”

This way they will never, ever forget me, and my presence will hunt them forever. Sounds like a bad horror movie that just refuses to end.



Surprisingly, he replied a few hours later. ‘I don’t mind what you said. I actually want to meet you. I haven’t mentioned it before because I want to be available when we agree on it.’

I thought his reply sounded reasonable, so I felt the next step would be the right one: asking him for his number.

This would allow me to text him whenever I felt it was time to go out with him, if I got to that point. I could also control the situation and test his patience. I wanted to see how serious he was and how long he was willing to wait for the meeting.

So not wanting to come across as desperate, I waited until the next day to ask for his mobile. He gave it to me about 2 weekdays later around some odd hour when I was already sleeping.

I waited about a week to go by and emailed him on a Saturday morning about just having drinks that night and each traveling to the location separately.

He declined, as he was supposedly complicated that day. Not caring if it was true or not, I waited another week and did the same. This time he wrote he was available.

I then called him that day around 12pm to secure a plan for the night. I then realized I hadn’t given him my name.

He text back to meet at a bar some time after 8pm and that he would call me after finishing work to discuss.

All right, let’s wait and see if he actually follows what he says. And if he does, then I will slightly reschedule my afternoon to include some walking, resting and doing my hair.

Yep, no matter what, you have to look your best, because if not, you’ll end up crossing paths with all the people you don’t want to, especially those of ‘my past life’.

And if it happens with this guy, the gossip will surely reach the ears of some very particular people, which I wouldn’t mind.

Even if this outing ends in nothing, being seen with a much younger and cute guy is starting to sound like a good idea.

Interesting thought considering those people probably never expected much of me after the split. Fact was, they never cared to really know me, so it would be a total shocker.

I would love to see their faces, but, actually, no. I hate putting up a show for whatever the reason. What matters is that I’m living life the way I want to, with all its challenges and adventures.

At the end of the day, I’m the one who’s dealing with all the good and bad, the ups and downs, and all the responsibilities that go with it.

Getting back to dealing with this 20-something, no worries here.



It’s been a while since I last spoke with Ivan, so I decided to give him a call.

I know it’s basically a waste of time with him. He’s another one of those whom I call and never answers it, no matter what time I do.

Most of the time he eventually calls back, but when he does, he’s either in a relationship or out of it, swearing to me he doesn’t want to be with anyone, period.

He always says he will call me to have a drink, just as friends, which he has been telling me since forever.
Reality is he stays single for a while, but when he starts feeling alone, he gets involved with someone, even when knowing he’s not ready for it.

Then the relationship gets really complicated, like cheating, nasty break-ups, reconciliations, more break-ups, and so on until it finally ends worst than the sinking of the Titanic.

Yep, he’s one of those people that are attracted to melodrama and disfunctionality. Hey, I may have been full of that at another time in my life, but if we had gotten involved romantically, I’m sure it would have progressed in a more civilized manner.

The other sad part about him is that I’ve offered my friendship to him repeatedly, but he doesn’t take it.

He’s the type of person that surrounds itself with bad vibe that doesn’t allow him to get beyond that negative funk he’s stuck at. It’s like he actually enjoys being in that mode.

Again, my life is not any better than many, but it sure is way more than his, that is, emotionally. And I bet you I’m one of the few, maybe the only, who is willing to be a true companion to him with no expectations.

Even sadder, I think he’s genuinely a good person and deserves better. But this is how he’s handling his romances when he knows damn well they’re a disaster and needs to correct this behavior.

I won’t deny feeling sorry for him, but when I compare his relationships to my current state of affairs (or lack of thereof), I actually feel good about myself.

I do get frustrated for not having a relationship all these past years and that most guys met have been almost not worth my efforts, but I’ve certainly evolved (a lot!), and feel closer every day of reaching that much needed maturity that will allow me to have a successful relationship.

It has been a crazy ride, but the final destination doesn’t feel that distant away any longer.



{December 2, 2013}   Looking Back 22 – Knowing me

The rest of the day and evening turned out great.

We visited a city I had gotten to know two times before with my friend. I was glad I was again for a third with the person who introduced it to me and helped me create such fond memories.

The location has a colonial architecture and it’s famous for its old style streets, restaurants, and businesses. It’s a tourist location worth discovering.

It was yet another travel back in time filled with nostalgia and mixed emotions.

The situation repeated itself. I was just out of college and had no idea what direction to take. Now I felt old, but still as scared as I did before.

The streets were beautiful and as we walked them, I looked at other couples and families together. I looked at them as if I had never experienced this myself.

I envied them and started fantasizing how it would feel walking with a loved one holding hands under all those lights. He and I would be together for some time and were spending the weekend there. And before it was over, he would propose. I can’t think of another place for that to happen but there.

My friend and I had dinner at the same restaurant we did the last time and it was an unforgettable experience. My trip was going better and better with each day, and it was a true blessing.

On the way back ‘home’, which was pretty late, I asked my friend to drive. It had been a long day and I was tired.

I called the ‘beach guy’ as agreed. He didn’t answer so I left a message stating that I was driving back and I knew it was late, but did so as discussed. I also said that ‘you will probably not head my way tonight’, but hope we could still see each other before my trip ended.

I don’t know why I felt such a detailed message. He had told me he was complicated tomorrow. So it was irrelevant to say again that I hoped to see him. It’s going to sound that I’m desperate and it’s not good.

I keep doing these minor things that scare guys away. I should have just said, ‘Hey, I’m heading back. Call me if you can.’ This way it shows I’m interested in him, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be fine with it.

But knowing me, I will always wonder if I did the right thing. Seriously, who cares? This weekend is all about me, not him or any other guy (except the one on the driver’s seat).

Cheers to that!



{October 14, 2013}   Looking Back 15 – Kiss and tell

‘If you ever feel like talking, I’m here for you,’ wrote I.

‘I’m done dealing with my current relationship. I rather talk with you about the old days. I remember you being an awesome kisser,’ said he.

‘An awesome kisser?’ I do remember that one time when he took me for the ride on his car. But saying that I was ‘awesome’ is a major word.

‘Thanks for the complement, but I have a vague memory about that. My memories of you and I interacting are at the beach and at a distance in school,’ continued I.

‘You don’t remember a lot do you?’ asked he. ‘You and I go way back. Actually, I looked forward to seeing you in school.’

‘Maybe you and I had something going on since being teenagers, but we really didn’t have anything together. I don’t even know how to define it.’

I kept thinking about the kissing and what really happened between us. If it was that great, why didn’t it continue or he kept some sort of contact after graduating? It’s a mystery I still haven’t figured out.

I continued writing, giving all details that I had about that infamous car ride. While at it, I questioned myself why I was doing this and if he would care at all about what I had to say.

‘I remember that very well. I like chatting with you.’

‘Like I said; if you ever want to talk, let me know. Better yet, let’s have a talk over a drink, that is, if we ever get to see each other again.’

‘Thanks; you’re very sweet. Of course we’ll see each other. Don’t know when because of the distance and all the things going with work, kids, etc.’

Here we go again. Why is that all guys I meet are complicated? When am I ever getting a break?



et cetera