The New M.E. Generation











The next thing I remember about this guy is that he called to tell me that he finally located a position within his current employer…. In the Pacific!

“The Pacific?? What happened to the opening two states from you?” said I.

“The closer one, there could be a possibility a year from now. I tried negotiating for that, but I don’t know right now if it will happen. The one in the Pacific is the only thing available if I want to stay working with this company,” replied he.

I was listening to him and didn’t know what to think. This location didn’t feel good to me because of the distance, but it’s upsetting that he was now in this situation. He should have started searching for a job way back, but he didn’t because he wanted ‘to be in good standing’ with the people who helped him get the last one.

That may sound very ‘bromantic’, but when your bills pile up, they’re surely not going to help you on that. Honestly, he was being a cop out. The guy I knew always had a plan that knew well when and how to execute, and wouldn’t wait for no one to help him; he took charge right away and wouldn’t stop until accomplished.

“I’ve spent many hours at church thinking this over and this is where He wants me to be,” said he.

Oh, Lord. Here we go again. Nothing new as to the way he was now dealing with anything in his life, except that something way beyond you has control over you (which sounds more like that psycho ex of his).

“I respect your decision, you know I always do. Maybe this is good for you after all you’ve gone through? You’ve always managed to turn things around for the best before,” said I.

“The thing is I will be living at a military base and it don’t allow cars, so will rely on a bicycle they will have to supply to me. Plus, my mobile won’t work over there. The location is pretty, but the time difference and new environment will be a challenge,” said he.

Oh, definitely that and more. This is what I’m talking about; had he done his homework of getting a job earlier, this conversation would be way different.

He then proceeded to explain the decision to leave was done and he was departing rather quickly to avoid the expenses when without a job, like rent. He had already set aside a storage space for one of his cars and another for his personal belongings. He was to leave a second car with his mom.

That’s one thing I had forgotten about. His cars. And they were three. Why so many? Because, according to him, if one broke down, he would have two others to use and not be without wheels.

I remember his first one, which he acquired back home second hand and used to give it basic maintenance himself. I also remembered that another one of the three kept having problems, and he would drive it to the dealer in his previous location to service it, costing him vacation days, money, gas, etc.

It was quite a few times he did that trip back and forth, as the car kept having problems after the dealer worked on it. He would drive for days to get back home. We would speak for hours on the phone and as long he could stay awake, to then check in at a motel to rest, and then continue his journey the next day.

I never understood the need of a third vehicle or keeping one that was problematic, or taking it to the dealer for repair when he knows well it’s always more expensive.

We’re talking about triple insurance policies, gas, maintenance costs, etc., and now an additional storage space to pay for. There’s no value on that, not even sentimental.

Reality is he was being a hoarder trying to fulfill some emotional void he lacked. Had he being in his right mind, he would have stayed with just one, two tops, and gotten rid of the problematic one as soon as it started being a burden. He wouldn’t show any emotions towards a vehicle; he would be objective and would get rid of anything that wasn’t working any more (including people).

Unfortunately, he was now clinging to the wrong things, including the loser ex, the residues of a toxic relationship, a codependency with questionable religious people, an unstable life, and uncertain future.

And now you’re leaving to the Pacific? Hmm. Maybe this is more about that he’s running away from it all than anything else. So, it is good, is it bad? Can I say that there’s always something good within the bad? I guess this is what it means when they say that ‘the universe works in mysterious way’. Please hold.

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My friend was able to get himself together to enjoy our meals. I tried to take his mind away from his grandmother by talking about him and his job search. He was optimistic as always and confident that the right opportunity would come along.

And as usual, I avoided talking about my plans since I had none, because I had no idea what I was to do with myself.

My self-esteem then was one of being able to find and secure a job, but not enough talent to aspire a high level position.

My friend would try to encourage me by saying that once I graduated I was now a professional and that would set me apart from other people. That sounded very nice, but holding a diploma in my hand wasn’t going to change me immediately into a whole new person.

Still, I tried to hold those positive thoughts that even being confused about my future didn’t meant to lose faith of having a fulfilling life.

Before my friend left, we bought some boxed wine and sat close to sundown on a boardwalk next to a river and my residence.

I borrowed my roommate’s glasses and drinking that wine was the best I’ve had. It was one of those special moments I had with him, but this one was different from all others. There was a peacefulness and tranquility I hadn’t felt in a while.

I sort of looked at him more than that of a friend, maybe because I thought that’s what he wanted from me, but again nothing happened.

I’m sure that the people that walked by thought we were a couple. But that feeling of leaving things as they were became present once more. As the word literally implies, I was about to leave school and he in a day to who knows where.

It was as when leaving high school; there were paths that we both needed to travel again for ourselves before they could cross again, if that.

Sitting there with him was one of those moments you wished it could stay like that. His advice and protection had always leaded me the right way which didn’t want to lose.

It’s a feeling I’ve never forgotten that if it could have been bottled and preserved for the future, would have done it.

But as I would learn the hard way many years later, even if you kept things well taken care of in a box (like the wine), they all have an expiration date.

What I mean is that people change and with that their feelings. When you see inside that box, its contents have also changed. They age greatly to the point that it’s hard to believe those moments actually happened. And the worst part is that instead of bringing us joy, the pain is even greater than the good.

So what are we to do? What do we now make of the ‘then’?

I don’t know; maybe just closing the box and leave what’s inside as it is. Perhaps it’s getting a new one and filling it up with experiences we create ourselves, without leaning on others to make it happen.

Maybe that’s what it is: creating more boxes as we go along and storing them in our minds, only to be opened when really necessary.

Yep, if only life was that simple.



et cetera