The New M.E. Generation











{June 13, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 39 – I say so

As the months progressed, I kept in touch with my then friend’s former high school GF. The more we shared and compared stories, the more upset and insulted I became of all the lies that this guy said to me and I kept believing for the longest time.

It was a feeling of having been living in the dark, to then have the biggest revelation ever, and seeing everything in its true light. It’s not a ‘I did not see that coming’ situation, but rather one that was finally laying out the reality that I so needed to know.

It’s not an easy process; it’s like someone dear to you passes away unexpectedly and you’re trying to figure out the why’s of everything, to eventually having to ‘bury them’ for your own good in an emotional place that you won’t remember later it’s there.

Even though I wasn’t following him on social media, I was curious to know about his whereabouts from time to time, hoping one day his toxic relationship would abruptly end like the first time. I know it’s not right to wish bad things to others, but with him, I think my hatred was as close as the one I had with my ‘x’.

Still, I kept his mom out of all this and would contact her every so often just to know how she was doing. At one point I called her and we chatted without either one mentioning him.

After that I think I called back around Mother’s Day, but this time the conversation took a turn.

“Emma, are you upset with my son or something?” asked she.

I paused and thought it over before giving her an answer. “Well, yes, I am. I had told him that if he went back with that woman that I wanted no business with him. When I saw them together again in social media and questioned him about that, he told me they weren’t together, which is not true,” answered I (restraining myself from saying ‘he lied to me’).

“She has changed 360 degrees,” continued she referring to that low class bitch. “And they’re planning to get married in October.” I felt my heart getting hit with a fist and chocking.

“I don’t know about that, but he wanted to have a relationship with me as a couple, to which he proposed to me several times,” said I. She didn’t comment on that. “He had also told me that, no matter what, he was to spend new year’s with you and I was invited to join you both.”

“He was unable to make it because he’s working so much.” (Lady, please, stop defending him.)

“The guy I knew would have been honest about anything that related to us both. And if he couldn’t make it for the end of the year celebration or anything else, after trying exhaustively to make it happen, he would have told me and apologized in advance, not leave me in limbo like he did.” I felt like saying ‘waiting like an idiot for him to tell me’.

The mom gave a response that I don’t quite recall, but somewhere along the lines of trying to justify her son’s actions again, to which I then said, “I am treating him the same he taught me I should treat men.”

There was another ‘5-second delay’ or more from her. I can’t recall either what she said next, but she abruptly ended the conversation, probably realizing that anything she said about this guy that related to me I would discredit immediately or, better just, step on it like a bad insect you want to get rid of.

‘Sorry, but you’re not winning this one’ was basically my attitude in this talk. Sad to think that this guy was a carbon copy of his mom; they both thought they knew everything or had all the answers to it all, that others were to blame for their circumstances (‘we’re fine and you’re not), except that the mom didn’t fight back when confronted with the truth like he has been doing.

I used to feel sorry for the mom, but not any more after this call. I know she’s old and dealing with a medical condition. But after all the while she has known me, she didn’t make any effort of siding with me at least once?

“¡Eso no sirve!” (that’s not worth it!) is what he always told me. True that. Lesson learned.

 

 

 

 

 

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The balcony had two railings: one facing the street and the other the pool area. The dry and wet areas were quite nice, good enough to hold any major gathering.

“So how many parties have you held there?” asked I.

“I’ve had some, but not what you’re thinking,” replied he. “They’ve all happened during the daytime and quietly.”

“No skinny dipping?”

“No! Don’t know what you’re thinking of me, but I know how far I can go. Besides, I’m renting here with someone else and applying to med school. I don’t want any negatives to affect those.”

Good, he’s being smart and nowadays anything bad eventually surfaces, especially on social media. In my time you could pretty much get away with what you did. Whatever one learned about it was thorough ‘word of mouth’. Depending how old the story was when it reached your ears, chances were the real version was totally different from what really happened.

“What about you? How much do you party?” asked he.

I gave him a puzzled look. “No, not really,” answered I and looked away towards the pool area.

“I don’t believe that. You’re a pretty girl and sure there’s other guys interested in you.”

“No, not much activity on that either.” I would look at him briefly, but quickly turned my sight away. Thinking about my current state of affairs regarding my social life was not something I wanted to do.

“Reality is I leave work late. By the time I get home, eat, shower and watch some TV, the day is gone. Then on weekends you have to take care of laundry or food shopping. I always have something to do.

I try to meet with my girlfriends, but they have their own life and responsibilities, so you do the best you can.”

I was listening to myself talk and questioned who was I really trying to convince here. For better or worse, this is my present situation which is as a result of my own decision of how to live it.

“Why are you looking away making weird facial expressions? Did I say anything wrong?” asked he.

“No, it is what it is.”

I looked at my watch and drank whatever was left of my wine. I knew he had studies to do the next day, so I used that as an excuse to go home. It was the best thing for me to do before I got sadder.

We agreed to ‘keep in touch’ as a way to end the night. At that point I didn’t really care if that happened or not.

I avoided the thought so much, I didn’t analyze whether this date had been good or bad.

Now that’s a first.



I’ve pretty much managed to archive all these guys that I gave closure to. But it’s inevitable that something triggers thinking about them from time to time.

Take for example, Erik. Every time I come across something related to Sweden, he comes to mind. It got to a point that I really questioned myself, whatever happened to him after I last saw him?

I decided to give him a ‘second rest’ and try to communicate with him one last time. I wasn’t looking to get anything out of it, just to say ‘hello’ and wish him well.

I did a search and found him on a networking site and luckily was able to send him a message, which read something like, ‘hey, how are you? I saw something on TV about your home country, so I thought about you. I’m doing fine and I’m sure you’re too. If you ever want to talk, let me know and will get in touch.’

All right, done. I’m sure this is definitely the last time so I’m glad I did this.

But…he did answer back, about three weeks later. Now that’s a turnaround of events!

He opened his email pretty much like mine, but he was relocating to Asia at the end of the month. He also gave me his number and said to call him whenever I wanted.

Wow, moving and quite far (for me)! Well, he’s European and made it all the way over here so he should be fine.

I was glad he answered, but deeply envied him. There are days when I wished exactly that, getting out of here and go somewhere really far. I almost felt like saying, ‘can you take me with you?’

Unfortunately, I’m stuck here for now and all I can do is wish and work for something better.

So, then, am I going to call him? The question is, do I want or really need to even though I was the one suggesting it? No, not really. I’ll just reply.

“I’m very happy for you. I wish you all the best and I know you will excel. Let’s try to keep in touch from time to time. Regards.”

That felt really good.

Now, what’s next?



Jesse disappeared for some time, again, and he surfaced with a text message yet again, during a long weekend (one more time, again).

‘Hey where are you?’ said his text.

‘Not in the area for today. Why?’

‘I was hoping to see you before I left.’

‘For the weekend?’

‘No, I’m going back home. I only came to work here for 6 months.’

Six months? Has it been that long since I met him?

It was sort of sad that he was leaving town, but also relieved that this was the end of it (the texting and anything else that could have happened).

I responded to him that I regretted him going, but wished him the best.

Did I mention to him to ‘keep in touch’? I don’t remember.

Oh, well, another guy come and gone. Or, was it? I mean, nothing significant really happened besides there been a drastic age difference. And I can’t deny that it was flattering from someone his age to tell you how pretty you were.

So what do I take from all this? Simple; I need to keep it up, put myself out there and never loose hope that the next one might just be ‘the one’.



My guess was correct. About a week later, he sent me an email asking if we could meet. “Hey, if you’re friends with my friend,” said he, “you’re definitely someone of a good caliber. I’m traveling this week, but will contact you once I’m back.”

Great! He sounds he’s comparing me with a guy, or maybe he’s still hooked on that chick, who’s caliber to me is quite questionable.

So I aligned my ammunition and responded the following day. ‘Sounds good, we will talk upon your return. Have a good trip.’ And after the story I heard about him, even if he’s just on business, I bet you he will make the best of it, even if a chick in included (or not).

There were some more brief emails during the week following keeping in touch about our pending meeting or date, or whatever it was to be defined. As the days passed, I grew increasingly concerned about meeting him. Perhaps the chick story has had a bigger impact on me towards how I perceived him without even having a phone conversation.

I think the other part of the issue here is that I haven’t been on a date with a guy or socialized with one alone for some time. And the discomfort of the story, combined with my close friendship with the person who suggested me being friends with him, is making me insecure because there are expectations to behave in a certain way (like being a crazy someone willing to do anything that this guy wants).

Oh, my; why can’t things be easier for me? Hopefully the business trip will take a long time, enough for me to get myself together and hopefully make something good out of whatever might happen.



“Emma, when I contacted you I had no other goal than knowing how you were and maybe keeping in touch from time to time. I never thought that by doing so it would bring back feelings for you in the way that they have. You don’t know how much I wish I could see you again.”

“The thing is that we live in separate states. Even if you eventually became single, you would still need time to recover.

It has taken me a long time to finally settle down after my divorce. I gave up all before to be with a guy and I’m not doing that at this time. My plans are to stay where I am.

It’s like our whole experience is repeating again. I guess life took care of it by not allowing us to be together because it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Please don’t say that we will never see each other again. I get it, you don’t need to be any more hurt than what you already are, and I wouldn’t hold on to the impossible. Feeling the way you do is the same mechanism you used in school to deal with it.

But I care for you, and this time I’m not going away. I want to be part of your life somehow, that is, if you want me to.”

“I can’t express to you how I feel, even less give closure to this new experience. How can I then define what you could be in my life? I don’t know. I never thought I would have to deal with something like this; not now, not this way.”



When we got to the topic of love, we had to accept that there was sparks between us, probably more than we had before. Although I don’t remember it, the feeling was stronger this time around.

I found myself thinking about him all the time, waiting to receive a call, text or email from him. It was as if I was having a long distance relationship.

He became my friend again and I went as far as to trust him with my most personal secrets, something which I have not done with any other guy, or even with my closest friends.

I felt I finally found ‘the guy’, that someone who should had come into my life in the first place and stayed for good. But, why didn’t it happen previously?

“The last time we saw each other was before I graduated and left school,” said he. “I know we exchanged telephones and else, and spoke a few times afterwards, but at some point we lost complete contact with each other.

At that time I didn’t know what I was doing with my life, and I just wanted to get out of there. I stayed briefly around the area and then moved overseas for many years before coming back to the US. I basically disconnected from pretty much everything and everyone that related to school.”

“Even from me?” asked I. There was a brief pause on the call.

“Like I said, I just wanted to leave. And I don’t recall you showing interest in keeping in touch with me.”

“Because you probably told me of your plans beforehand and, who was I to stop you? I mean, I still had another year to go, and neither had an idea about the future.

Most likely I felt that the best thing for both of us was to let you go. And I did in such a way that I completely erased you from my memory.

That’s why I feel so sad inside and don’t remember because I blocked it so it wouldn’t hurt any more than it did.

I knew it was not meant for us to be together, and now you’re back, and I’m feeling all that I felt before, and still can’t have you either.

I don’t understand why life is doing this to me. You’re the only descent guy that has come to my life since my divorce, and it can’t happen yet again.”

Why can’t things be different for me? Why did he have to come back?



While the two guys and I talked about the past days of high school, the guy sitting next to Dina is really working her into his conversation. How committed was he? He had his hand on her thigh.

Say what?? When did that happen? Guess remembering the past got me disconnected. When I come to think about it, yes, it did. It actually made me feel young to be remembered for who I was way back then. Back then when I was just myself, Emma.

Even more, who would have thought that this chance re-encounter made me forget my present reality? To top it all of even more, the guy is still sitting, by himself, at the bar, still staring at me.

I shared a drink with my former alumni when we all noticed that the bar was about to close for the night. I turned to Dina and asked her if she was ready to leave (with him or myself was fine by me). The ‘hand in the thigh guy’ was not letting her go, so I asked Dina what she wanted to do. She chose option #2; he was to accompany her home.

I then asked the guys to give me their business card or something with the hope of keeping in touch in the future.

As soon as I said good-bye to the two guys, the ‘guy at the bar’ jumped from his seat and asked me if he could have my phone number.

Aaah…I was so completely caught off guard that the only thing I could respond was, “could I have yours and I’ll call you?”

He wrote it on the back of the business card, quickly introduced ourselves, and off we went (Dina and me, ‘hand in the thigh guy’ included).

We all walked to my car and I noticed that these two were holding hands. ‘Nice,’ I thought. Wonder what will happen to Dina and me. Well, in my case, that all depends if I make the call.



It was an awkward feeling when Jeff arrived at my place. The first time I saw him was at the lounge. I was nicely dressed and put up together.

Now I was in jeans and no make-up; just how I normally hang around my place. He knew what I was wearing, but was still nervous to see him.

I offered to sit out in the patio in two lounge chairs. The night presented itself with a full moon and the weather was just right to do that.

The conversation started with the ‘how are you?’ line, moved to admitting that I was surprised that he had called me (or showed some interest in me), but was glad he was here.

After some time of small talk and the confidence opened up between the two of us, the normal thing was for the topics to get more personal.

I don’t know how it happened, but I started speaking about my current state of my divorce very candidly, up to a point that I really opened up about pretty much about my whole life.

I got sad and even shed some tears. But I felt very at ease saying what was on my mind.

And, out of nowhere, Jeff took my hand and held it. I believe he said something like, ‘don’t worry, things will be fine.’

I thanked him for his gesture. “I don’t know what you plan to do with your situation. But I hope that it gets resolved for the best as well.”

We sat there in the patio for a long time. I remained emotional most of the night, but at least got some temporary relief.

Jeffrey said he would keep in touch with me. I didn’t ask him to explain what he meant by this (and if he actually planned to do so). But, what the heck, can’t complaint.

Even if I never get to see him again, minimizing the pain I was feeling back then, and getting a dose of hopefulness for facing the future was all worth it.

Just think what two encounters with this guy have made for me.

Shoot! If only he wasn’t ‘that complicated.’



et cetera