The New M.E. Generation











During the drive back to his apartment there was no mention of the incidents that had unfolded earlier.

I do remember that he requested that if I went to the beach and back to the apartment with his car, to please hose down the undercarriage around the tires so the sand wouldn’t build up and affect the transmission. He showed me how to do it before entering the apartment.

I don’t remember well the sequence of events from that moment forward, but I did go back to the beach on my own another day, went back to the apartment, then picked him up at school.

Upon returning home, he knew I didn’t do the what he told me to just by looking at the car. “You didn’t wash it, right?” said he with a face off ‘I can tell.’

“Yes, I did”, said I with a tone that wasn’t even convincing to myself.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head as you do when you know your child is not telling the truth. So he grabbed the hose and took care of it.

I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. All that he has asked of me was to do this simple task considering the hospitality he had extended to me.

I had a mild rebellious side of not doing what others told me, but I knew better than that. Besides, neither of us was raised that way. We were taught to respect and take care of other people’s things, especially when they were borrowed.

My friend’s reaction was not knew to me, because at times my behavior was what he referred to as ‘a little cold’. This meant I would stay stuck on you like one that refused to end. I wasn’t behaving bad, but at times dealing with me was like that.

I was someone that regardless you loved me or not, I would always leave some residue on people that would make them remember me.

The next event I recall was that both were taking naps, as we were to go out that evening. I was in his bed and he downstairs in the sofa. I don’t know how long I rested for, but when I woke up the home was very quiet.

I then walked to the staircase and sat mid-way to look at him while he joyfully slept. I didn’t want to wake him up, so I just sat there, looking.

I don’t know what made me do this, but it was as if something told me to. It was a weird moment as if life was asking me to define what was I to do with him.

But because of my insecurities of the time, I instead thought about how great his life looked in comparison to mine: he had overcome the past and knew exactly how to take hold of the future. He was living the way I wished I could do, but didn’t know how to get there.

I was so into thinking about myself that I didn’t consider if he could become part of that change or my life as a whole as he had been for so long.

It was one of those moments that you’re ‘looking down’ at things and you’re just sitting there wondering what to do next.

In other words, there’s this opportunity a few steps away that could alter your existence all together and you’re not reacting to it? Am I stepping forward or backwards?

The answer coming up next…

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I didn’t visit the site again until about 2 days later. It was the weekend, so I thought it was the best time to engage in this with a more relaxed approach.

I login and notice I have some messages from a guy whose name was ‘greeneyes4u’.

I opened the emails and (damn!) he certainly had green eyes, is nice looking, and on my age range.

Thank you universe!!

But, wait; before I get too excited about the planets being aligned in my favor for the first time ever, let me check out his profile.

According to what he wrote, he had been married, children are grown-up, had his own business, enjoyed the beach very much, and engaged in water sports.

He looked well for his age and was physically fit, obviously as a result of the activities he engages at.

Assuming the photos were recent, they gave me a sense that he was tranquil with his life and that he does want to meet someone, but is not in a rush to do so.

Everything passed my inspection. I wasn’t seeing or reading anything that raised a red flag to me.

I was very glad that this was happening so quickly after joining the site. I felt that I was back in the game and it should finally work out this time around.

I have learned my lesson well and do intend to deal with it the right way. I will reply to his messages (about 3 of them) with no melodrama, no desperate mode, or no negative behavior.

No, no, no. I’m not getting into that any more. It’s been quite a few years since been single and the disappointments and hurt have been too much.

No, I’m not letting this happen again. I know better.

All right, let’s start. I will read all of them and then reply. No rush, no stress; just think of what to say carefully and go for it.

And just when I was about to do that, a window opens on the screen. It was the online chat. This meant he could see that I was online and had visited his profile.

Surprise to me! Darn it! So this is how this works? You pretty much know what another person is doing (if you really do your research) and the same goes for yourself.

I started getting nervous. How much does this ‘green eyed’ person has dug up about me?

I kept staring at the chat window. He wants to talk to me, now!

So, who said again is totally in control here?



After the trip, my life went back to normal. My high school friend and I kept communicating frequently and I never mentioned the other guy to him again.

But, I did exactly what he told me not to: reaching out to the ‘beach guy’ or keeping my hopes up.

It all went back to how he has always behaved; sending only either text messages or emails. If I tried to call, even in the really early morning hours, he would not answer.

Every so often I would get upset and stopped messaging or emailing him all together. He would then re-emerge again and I would listen to what he had to say.

He went even further by sending some mobile photos of him, writing that he was attracted to me, and wanting to know how I was doing.

Instead of ignoring him, I would continue with the conversation and thinking there was still a possibility of anything happening. I kept disappointing myself over and over when I just knew better.

One day my frustration reached its peak and I made the decision to stop contacting him all together. I did this early November.

During Thanksgiving weekend I received a message that read, ‘I will try to make it there early December’.

My thought was, ‘I know it won’t happen’. But then again, maybe my silence had some effect on him.

So, in order to not show too much emotions (which was actually happening), I simply responded, ‘Great, keep me posted’.

More than a week went by and no sign of him, as usual.

Two days before the date I thought he would come, I messaged him. Finally, on Friday morning, he responded. ‘Doesn’t look good. Just sold my home and need to be out next Monday’.

Wow, here we go again. It was no surprise, yet I was pretty upset.

This is not doing me any good. I don’t need to disconnect; I need to take an indefinite leave of absence and detox from him.

My emotional health is really asking for it.



et cetera