The New M.E. Generation











I’ve been doing something for some time that I shouldn’t be, and it has been reaching out to this former college love interest when I know well I shouldn’t be.

Every so often I send him an email, especially when I’m sad, have a guy issue, or just simply want to have someone to listen to me on whatever matter is causing me to feel upset towards life in general.

The real sad part about this is that if he replies, he usually does it from his phone, using incorrect grammar because he’s obviously writing in a rush.

He always apologizes for doing it quickly because there’s always something going on in his life (meaning his family) and time is limited.

The end part of the message always has the same tone; he repeats that he’s my friend and hopes we continue to be, wishes me good things, and that all works out for me.

The last entry means that I find a guy that appreciates who I am and that finally stays with me for the long haul.

This may all sound great, but it hasn’t fulfilled the emotional need that still clings me to him. As much as I was trying to forget him all together, something always reminds me of him, especially when I hear his first name.

It is so ridiculous, I raise my head up looking for him as if he was to magically appear.

The other thing I do is check my emails constantly after I send him one, waiting for his reply. I can read it loud and clear, but don’t want to read between the lines.

It translates that he’s doing it because he feels sorry for me. He always wishes me well and that I find the guy deserving for me because he tries to make me feel better towards the lousy situation I’m going through.

It’s like getting a second place prize. I know what his situation is, but I get disappointed that he doesn’t respond that way I want to. I want him to tell that somewhere within him he still feels something for me.

I’m behaving like a juvenile, hoping the universe will play its part to turn things around the way I wished for.

What’s wrong with me? After all these years and what I’ve gone through, I should have learned my lesson already.

Yes, we may still communicate via email, he re-opened his profile on social media and I became his friend again.

But his wife and daughter are seeing what I post (again, why am I doing it when I know it?) and I’m exposed to all other people within their list.

I may be single and available to do whatever I want, but I’m stretching it so far that I’m making a fool of myself.

Actually, I’m probably pushing to be considered something unpleasant, like a bitch and idiot who has no clue that my behavior is totally unacceptable.

Definitely not a nice picture to put yourself into.

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Unfortunately, the reconnection was short lived.

Shortly after our last conversation, I noticed that he basically discontinued any sort of communication.

If he responded to any email, he would write that he was busy with work, or would give some other cheap excuse for his lack or delay to respond.

Even at times when I’ve had a tough day or needed a sympathetic ear to listen to me, the emails reflected a lack of support and understanding, which were very different from the ones I received when we first reconnected.

From one day to the next, I was not important to him any longer and had a feeling he had taken me out of his life, again. But not the way I thought it did.

One day, out of nowhere, all I got was a brief email stating that ‘my wife saw your pictures at the social site and asked me a lot of questions about you. It was a very intense conversation. I need some time to figure out things, but I hope that we keep being friends.’

I was shocked at what I read and all confused as to what it meant, until it quickly hit me.

I went online to the site and the blow was even worse; he deleted me as his friend. And, his profile was created in a way that it could not be located by others searching for it.

‘He deleted me, Why, why?’ is all that crossed my mind as I stared at the screen.

Sadness engulfed me pretty much the same way it did when I tried to remember the last time I saw him.

I don’t know how much time passed when I started to cry and did so for some more time until I couldn’t any more.

He’s gone, again. Life repeated itself, again. No closure on this situation, again. All I could do then was close the website and computer, and try to go to sleep.



et cetera