The New M.E. Generation











{December 10, 2009}   The Accidental Cougar 2 – Charge!

Shortly after my past life began (my ‘x’ had left me but no dissolution finalized yet), I was really angry at everything. I couldn’t wait to do things, lots of them (like?) that would get my life rolling again (meaning?).

Everything was confusing to me back then. I had no sense of direction and felt completely alone. I just wanted to get even at my ‘x,’ and now that I was supposedly ‘free,’ I wished to do all that I’ve felt missed or was unable to do throughout my married years.

Yep, I wanted to do so much when, honestly, I felt I had nothing to look forward to. It was just myself, with plenty of emotions to deal with.

It was a Saturday afternoon when my phone rang. It was a friend of mine who proposed going with another girlfriend of hers to a bar/club that I’ve wanted to go for some time. “I certainly do!” said I very enthusiastically.

After the call, I went straight to my closet and looked for the dress that I thought would be the sexiest to wear. I was definitely on a hunting mode; my mission from now on was to meet and date as many guys as I could.

I wanted to be the ‘it girl,’ a ‘party animal,’ ‘the wild thing.’ Whatever that would bring out the other side of me that had been dormant inside as a result of my ‘x’s’ influence and all of his stupidities.

And if someone that knew me saw me, even better. What a great revenge it would have been that news got to his ears that the one ‘you left behind’ was now all changed, hot and living life to the fullest.

Let the game begin…

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So how do I give closure to this experience? I’ve been thinking about it for some time and the answer is simple: keep only the good. Or said in better words, take the bad and make it the opposite.

Yes, I may have talked about my divorce seven times in one day. But each of the guys that have been present in my life have been preparing me for ‘the one’ when he comes. And when it happens, I will certainly get it right.

Yes, I may have allowed a man I barely knew enter my life. But now I know that I am ready to open my heart and love to the fullest once again.

And, yes, I had feelings for a man who I knew living apart from him would eventually lead to nothing. But I took a risk and for two weeks out of my life, I lived them to the fullest.

Lived to learn that, yes, love can happen again when you least expect it.

I may at times cry late in the night over Jay, wonder if he misses my text messages or calls, if he ever thinks about me (and if he does, what crosses his mind?), or anything else for that matter.

When I look back at that first week, that moment when Jay arrived and held my face between his hands and kissed me, is what I will always remember. This is the image that I will forever hold.

Even more, I will forget about anything negative that happened.

Do I have any regrets about it? None whatsoever. Nope.

So, universe, what’s next in line for me? Is the new guy going to be the ‘it guy’ or have the planets not aligned for this girl yet?

Still waiting for some manifestation to occur that might give me an answer. All right, I’ll be patient. I have all the time in the world (well, almost). And you know what?

I feel something really good is headed my way…



et cetera