The New M.E. Generation











{November 21, 2016}   The Swipe 9 – The great divide

The dinner at Cameron’s place ended in a good note in spite of the traffic jam setback. We continued talking on the phone whenever possible, and he even came twice to my apartment for dinner on the only free day he had of those 2 weeks he was busy with his daughters. He was even nice enough to bring some food for both.

Ironically, when these weeks were up, a long weekend came along (meaning he would be totally available for me), but I already had previous plans to go on vacation during this time, making me feel again that the universe was trying to tell me something.

“I can’t believe it,” said he, “I’m getting 2 weeks off from my daughters and you’re going to be traveling.”

This may sound very movie-like, where the female character decides to ditch the trip last minute and, along with the significant other, turns the time into the most romantic one ever, all ending with the most cliche scene you could ever conceive.

But I know better than that. It’s not worth giving up your plans in this day and age for any guy, even less in the very beginning of anything. It’s true that you definitely need to ‘make the effort’, as he very well said. But all at its right time (like after my vacation).

Hey, maybe the universe is warning me not to give away too much, too soon, with him.

Still, I tried to add some positiveness to the situation by telling him that, “I will miss you”, to which he replied, “no… you will have so much fun, you won’t think about anything else”.

‘Ok, if you say so,’ I thought to myself. ‘I’ll just wipe you out completely from my thoughts’, which didn’t happen entirely.

I wasn’t planning to mention him to the people I stayed with, but when asked if anything romantically was happening with me, I decided to share a photo of him and say how well things have gone so far.

They weren’t that impressed with him. Maybe they decided to hold off on the comments since it was so early in the game. Or maybe they saw that this didn’t have much of a chance, like pretty much what has happened before with so many other guys. Whatever the reasons, it wasn’t a warm welcoming.

Actually, it wasn’t even lukewarm, but more like cold. So much that I didn’t even text or called Cameron during the 4 days I was away.

I don’t recall talking to him or meeting with him upon my return. What I do remember is that I met up with Dina for Sunday brunch. Turns out we had a trip planned for the following month, and I had some documents I needed to personally hand to her.

I was unsure about commenting her about Cameron, but knowing her well, her usual remark of ‘tell me about your boyfriends’ would be part of the order of the day, as sure as the side of bacon I always get.

“Actually, I’ve being seeing a guy called Cameron,” said I to her. I explained my connection to him and how he learned about our friendship after seeing her photos in my social media.

Dina was surprised at my revelation, confirming the interview story (“I met with him and he said he should have been the one doing the interview. Apparently he was brought to the U.S. with that job he had, but it wasn’t long before he realized that all that was promised and/or offered to him wasn’t happening”), the encounters at the kitchen (“it’s funny how he always brings this huge bowl of salad for lunch; that’s basically what he eats every day, ha ha ha”), and that they don’t really speak to each other.

Dina was more excited than I was; I have been keeping a low profile all along, knowing this could all end one day to the next. She is the first to tell me not to take things so seriously, but she’d have had some relationships in the past (no marriages or kids yet). I haven’t had one that I could account for.

She says she takes things in stride and not so personal when her love affairs end, and that I should do the same. She may be right, but I’m at least 7 years older than her, and at my stage when I’ve started the big 5-0 decade and menopause, you don’t take things so lightly any more.

“It will happen this year”, have said she in other occasions regarding finding love and having a family. I used to think this way before reaching the 2 previously mentioned milestones. Now I know that the older you get, the more difficult things get to be.

Worst part is that they change you (for better or for worse), which has made me become somewhat distant from Dina, as I believe I no longer feel and think the way we used to. Now I relate more to other women who share the same experiences as I do.

And speaking of change and Cameron, I wonder how this applies to him. Is he willing to make the necessary ones for his own wellbeing, and that of his daughters, to overcome the divorce, or is he thinking he doesn’t need to because the cause of the failure of the marriage supposedly falls entirely on the wife?

Is he in denial that the divorce will actually happen? And after the affair with the 24 year old, what adjustments will he do for future relationships, if that? How will all these affect me?

Oh Lord, I need another vacation! So happy that it’s happening very soon!

 



I was really happy for making this trip. The location where my bestie lived is one I wanted to visit again, plus celebrating my birthday with her would be memorable either way it happened.

I kept silent about my plans in social media, as I didn’t want ‘certain people’ to realize what I was doing. I only did a check-in at the connecting airport.

I arrived late in the afternoon after my bestie finished work. She picked me up and went straight to have a drink. First order of the night: getting a selfie together and officially revealing to the world that my bestie and I are now friends.

We both sported this huge smile while doing a one-hand hug around our waists. But differently from the photos these two idiots have posted, you could tell this was the real deal just by looking at it. It’s all genuine.

We weren’t striking a pose like they do, one that pretends to make you believe that their relationship is so great, that they’re soooo happy together, that their love has triumphed over everything, that there’s no better example of what a couple should be than them.

This was just a photo of 2 women who knew each other from the past, who came together again under unusual circumstances, but now are bonded for life.

I had a lot of fun that night with her and other friends of her, and we posted anything and everything that we were doing. We both knew that probably most sooner than later the bomb would explode, and it did.

Two days later I was with my bestie in her car when I received a text from a number I didn’t recognize. I showed the text to her.

“Is this the bitch?” asked I to my bestie.

“Yep, that sure it’s her. I know that number very well, as she has texted and insulted me far too many times for talking to that guy. What does it say?” asked she.

The first text was a screen image of an email that my bestie had sent to this guy. It basically stated that, ‘if you have plans of marrying her, please don’t do it. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured. I know you want to be with someone and have a stable home. But she’s not the one… maybe I’m not either. But she’s not the one.’

I didn’t read the date of the email, but it was probably recent. I made my trip on September and on October was when the supposed wedding that his mom had mentioned was to occur. And what better time to do it over a long weekend?

“I didn’t send that message because I’m desperate,” said my bestie. “At the end of the day he’ll do whatever the heck he wants. He’s that stubborn. But he’s clearly not in his right mind, so if I still have any influence on him, hopefully he’ll listen to me. Any other texts?”

“Yes, it reads: ‘So this is your new great friend! She talks trash about my man but doesn’t leave him alone. Ask her to tell you about that time when she was going through a life or death situation. Such an adolescent attitude. This is the great friend that you’re now showing off to everyone!’ How trashy of her to bring this out and truly bad of him for letting her stick her nose in such a private personal matter!”, said I.

Note: this is the essence of the real text; I won’t disclose the nature of the issue to protect my friend. But I will say that the message confirms that this bitch is a cyberstalker of both my profile and that of my bestie.

Second, it also proves that this guy, who used to be my friend and said repeatedly that ‘he wouldn’t allow this bitch to come between our friendship of so many years’, was giving free range to this low-level trash to spy on everything personal of his. Even worse, after many other occasions when she has insulted my bestie over texts and my bestie forwards everything to this guy, this guy does nothing about it to stop it. What a loser!

This bitch kept sending insulting message (which I refuse to post not to give her attention), to which I basically replied in several texts that, “Who the fuck is this?”, “If you have any issues with that person speak to her directly”, “Are you talking to me?”, “What the hell is your problem?”

Exactly, what the fuck is your problem bitch? If you’re so ‘brave’, why don’t you show your big fat ass face and admit who you are?

Reality is deep inside you still think this guy and I have something going on, in spite that this guy was the one who betrayed me. You may have said that you forgave him, but you still don’t trust him completely.

What’s really bothering you is that now my bestie and I have joined forces when you thought you had ‘won’ in managing to have this guy delete us out of his life.

And you really think I’m interested in this guy? Please, not even on my worst days!

My bestie forwarded every text to this guy who, in his usual indifferent manner, didn’t respond in a way that implied he would put an end to what the bitch does.

“Hopefully this guy will kick her ass big time. He has told her over and over not to do it,” said my bestie.

“Yeah, but she still does it because he’s allowing her to do it. If he really took matters in his own hands, he wouldn’t allow her to have access to any personal email or profiles of his.

What they’re both doing is evil; they think they are better than us and have all the right to do what they do.

They’re the typical bullies; they strike and when you strike back, they turn everything around to make it look you’re the one who started the whole thing,” said I. “But I’m glad we ruined their weekend. Ha ha ha ha!”

“Yep,” said my bestie. “I can only imagine this bitch getting all enraged, showing the photo to this guy and having a big argument with him over us, which she has done before.

She loves to start a fight with him while screaming at the top of her lungs. Instead of him fighting back, he walks away; then the bitch follows him still screaming at him and won’t let go of the fight, as she always wants to win. His non-fighting behavior makes her even angrier.

And his face when he realized you and I are now friends, that we know the whole truth about him, priceless! He didn’t see that one coming! I’m sure he’s close to getting the runs!”, said she.

It was about time that the real story came out! And them two idiots having an argument over us? Sweet! But also sour.

Sweet in that I got back at this guy, even if it is in a small way. There’s still a lot more, but it’s a start.

Sour in that he’s probably more hateful of me and my bestie for what we did. And that he won’t change who he is, feel sorry for what he has done, and will probably never ask for forgiveness.

At this point, I don’t care. My plan worked out and I’m having the time of my life.

What do I wish for this upcoming milestone in my life? Love, peace, happiness, and that my bestie and I remain honest, true, and loyal to each other.

That a year from now I will look back at all this and feel proud of myself for speaking out my mind and seeing how much I’ve grown as a person.

That one day, this guy will get an ‘unexpected gift’. “I feel like sending him all that you’ve written once you’re done. It will hit him like a pie in the face”, said my bestie once.

Tastes to me more like ‘icing on the birthday cake’. And you, my ex-friend, can have all of it. Enjoy!

 

 

 

 



There was another occasion that I went back to visit him. I believe he was still without a job offer, so I was taking any opportunity to visit him. I think it was a long weekend, so I was told at work we would be left off early, which that usually doesn’t happen, so I didn’t pack my bag on Thursday night. I was also feeling sort of sick, so I figured out of resting Friday night and leaving early Saturday morning would be best.

Turns out we were left off early at work around 1 pm, so I went home, had lunch, packed, and left late around 3pm. It was crazy doing that, especially considering it takes minimum 4 hours to get to the location. On top of that, I still didn’t had a smartphone, so I relied on printed map directions, which took me really far off track.

When I got to the house it was already dark and I was very hungry. He greeted me sort of cold (as in ‘why did you had lunch at home? I stop along the way and buy a coffee or something when I travel by car’; that was another comment he always made when doing road trips) and when he saw how overwhelmed I was with the trip, he decided to ‘lend’ me a GPS he had in his car.

“If you give it to me, how are you going to manage?” asked I.

“I’m now using the maps app on my mobile. I kept the device as a backup. But I prefer that you use it; a woman like you, driving all alone such distances, you need something more secure,” said he.

I appreciated his gesture, but was puzzled by it, considering how complicated he has been behaving with me. It made me remember the guy I used to know.

On Saturday morning, my then friend had plans to visit the elderly couple friend of his to which I declined again. His best friend appeared and saved the day by taking me out. We pretty much did the same as before of going to lunch and walking around a restaurant area for a drink. No flea market though.

Unfortunately, when this guy and his mom were driving back from the visit, the mom’s car broke down on the highway and had to be towed.

At no time did he call his friend or me to ask for help. When we all got back home, my then friend was beyond angry. His eyes seemed about to pop out of his face for the intensity of his feelings.

Worst part was he again vented his frustrations at me that I didn’t do anything for them, but didn’t confront his friend.

“We’re talking here about an old woman who is sick, needed her meds, and hadn’t eaten for hours. At least some food could have been brought back,” said he.

I didn’t say a word the whole evening. I just got into the room I was staying, closed the door and stayed there. I think he later came around to suggest for me buying her mom lunch the next day to make up for it.

He also had a drink in his hand, which was pretty loaded. He offered it to me several times to share; I took sips, but small ones because it was too strong for me. It felt like one of those that people take when you need to ‘cool off’ about something bad.

What I felt like was crying, but I didn’t show it. I put on a strong face like he has always done and that I learned from him.

The next day his friend joined us again, so we went to a bar where I bought a round of drinks for everyone to make up for the day before. On Sunday we met up with my friend’s father and wife for lunch, supposedly as an invitation from the dad, but my friend ended up putting money for the tip or something.

My friend has been on this ‘on and off’ relationship with his dad as long as I remembered. There was even a time that they didn’t speak for years because, according to my friend, the dad wouldn’t tell the truth about certain situations, or avoided giving answers about anything related to him.

My friend also complained that his dad was very stingy and always put himself first. For example, when the father sold his business to retire, he didn’t consult him if he would have been interested in running it. The dad gave each child a portion of the sale, and that was it.

My friend was trying to have the best relationship possible, but I could tell he was still holding anger towards him and wasn’t willing to let that emotion go. In other words, he had no intentions of forgiving him.

The next day I had breakfast and left as early as I could, especially after my overextended travel on Friday. I was putting the GPS to the test, but used the excuse of driving alone, to get home when there was still daylight, to get away from the unfortunate moments that had transcribed.

I also felt farther away from him than distance itself. I had now transitioned into a new stage in my life and wasn’t feeling I needed his advice so much. I was more confident about myself and didn’t want anything to jeopardize that.

I guess I’ll just let the GPS do more than just lead the way.



The next morning I rushed to work as usual, so it didn’t give me much time to speak to my friend, which was great to avoid last night’s situation. It was a long weekend and celebrating my birthday, so that’s what I wanted to concentrate on.

Work finished early around 4pm and I rushed home, as we were having dinner with a couple friends of mine whose wife is also a graduate of our school.

My then friend helped me choose my clothes, something he had done before. I didn’t feel intimidated or upset about his opinion after all these years, something that with other guys I’ve not been that easy with.

We met my friends at the restaurant and it was nice to be out with a guy and another couple, which hasn’t happened in a long time.

As we were having drinks at the table, my friend grabbed my hand and held it with both his on the table. “Are you okay babe?” asked he. I reacted surprised, as I wasn’t expecting it. I replied with a ‘yes, I’m fine’, with a face that I was happy with all that was happening. I let him hold my hand until food was served.

After dinner, the couple invited us to their place for additional wine. They also have a pet parrot; I then remembered that my friend’s mom had one that lived cageless and was infamous for what it would do or say.

When I asked him about it, he said it has passed away about 6 years ago. I also remembered about 2 small dogs that had vegetable names like ‘yucca’ and ‘onion’ because of their hair color.

He explained that when his mom decided to move was able to place them with other families. What I didn’t remember was that there were many other pets in the backyard, including turtles, which I don’t recall ever seeing. It sounded to me like a zoo and baffling that my memory had failed me on this one.

At one point when my friend was away from all us, the wife said to me, “OMG, you can totally tell he only has eyes for you by the way he looks at you. He’s totally into you.”

I was caught off guard again with her comment. Her husband and her have been good friends all these years and their opinion was important to me. I didn’t agree with them always, but knew that what they said to me they did because they cared.

The question about the possibility of being in a relationship with me came to mind again. But I replied to my friend something to the extent that I didn’t like his constant moving and that bitch ex of his was still present in his life. She looked at me as in ‘take advantage of the here and now’.

My then friend was claiming he was really over the bitch and had taken her out of his social media profile. He even said that ‘he wasn’t going to hide anything,’ meaning being quiet about posting photos or comments, including one image of us in a friendly hug. He was now ‘a free man’, able to do whatever he wanted and wasn’t going to care what other people thought or said, including his so-called ex.

I was enjoying the moment and was looking forward to much more the next few days. That was the ‘now’ that I was feeling, besides that voice in my head that kept circling like a major warning that something bad would happen.

Little did I imagine that the actions and photos of that day, and the following ones, would have so much impact in my life, even today, and he would be the one to blame.

Let’s say that I never pictured the after events that came from him. If there’s a ‘poster child’ for lies and betrayal, his image would be front and center. Smile, you’ve been framed!



{December 14, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 14 – Crossing over

My birthday is close to a long weekend and now that my then friend was single again, what a better opportunity there was but for him to fly here and drive upstate together and be with both his mom and me?

When I told him that it would be a great gift for me, he said he had thought about it, but didn’t ask me as to not come across the wrong way.

Although it had been a while since his separation, he was still struggling to overcome the experience, and had even made attempts both near and far for the bitch to resolve issues he felt she needed to.

He was desperately trying to give the relationship another ending and even considered going back with her, even in the distance, but according to him, she abruptly refused to change her ways, even less for him.

He always said that whenever he tried making sense into her, she would totally get angry, with a demeanor of having ‘both of her fists held up high, ready to fight him.’

He kept insisting that she was the one with the problems that greatly needed ‘psychological and religious help’, otherwise he felt life was not going to go well for her.

It was around this time that my friend started ‘slipping’, meaning an emotional breakdown of not accepting that others don’t have to do as you say even if supposedly it’s the best for them, or think that because you’ve gone through certain experiences it makes you an ‘expert’.

At one point he told me that I needed psychological help because I still had lingering issues from my divorce. When I told him I had done that in the past and was not interested in going back to that, he got upset. He was talking to me as if I didn’t know myself or what was best for me. Yes, he may have known me from an early age, but has also been absent from my life a good chunk of years.

He got even more upset when I told him he was no expert, especially on medical things, even though his father had been a pharmacist. Even his tone of voice started changing to one that started to bother me.

He also thought being actively religious was also guaranteed to solve any problems, even changing people’s sexual preference. I knew from early on he didn’t favor certain kinds of people (whom he referred to as ‘abnormal’), but thought he had overcome that stage.

Boy was I wrong. Even I slight mention about it made him react with hatred and disgust. It was like watching a werewolf movie where the beast kills everything on site.

Worst thing was he wanted everyone else to change, but not him. And this was something I have lived all too well in my life with others around me and I was in no position to do this again, even for him.

When I told him that ‘religion wasn’t for everyone’, he nearly lost it. Thank goodness he wasn’t in front of me; I would have probably stabbed him to defend myself.

I consider myself spiritual and have been attending church on my own terms, but embracing your faith is no easy task in my opinion. It takes more than spending 4 hours daily praying on your knees until they peel, or being part of prayer groups, etc., like he was doing.

They mystical question is, what happened to him? Let’s say his nasty separation hit him harder than the nails on the cross, one that he built himself and expected others to carry along with him.

And because I didn’t took his path, a year or so later he ‘buried’ me and I chose to say ‘you’re dead to me’, better yet, me wish for him to ‘rot in hell’.



{December 16, 2013}   Looking Back 24 – Show me the way

The next day I took my high school friend to the airport to take a flight back home.

It was early in the morning and I was still exhausted from my long weekend. Plus, I had to go to work.

I got really sad on the way. We had been living in different locations pretty much after graduating from high school.

We have managed to keep our friendship going throughout the years. But being together on the same place for a few days, like we just did, barely. I know it will probably be many more years before we get to see each other again.

He has been to me something more than just a friend. His guidance and support have been gifts that no one else has given me.

Now he was leaving and for me it was back to facing life on my own again.

Before he entered the airline gate, we hugged each other strongly. I thanked him for everything, which included more than this trip; it was a lifelong gratitude.

He saw how I felt and looked at me saying, “You’re going to be fine. Follow my advice like you’ve always done. It will save you a lot of heartbreak.”

I waited for him to enter the airport and kept looking at the door for a few seconds before driving away.

I kept thinking at what he said and said to myself, ‘Yes, I have to be fine. He has shown me the way and he expects nothing else from me but that.’



{December 9, 2013}   Looking Back 23 – Not happening

We got back very late and, although I was very tired, I couldn’t really fall asleep. I was still hoping that ‘the beach guy’ would call when I know it wouldn’t happen.

Besides, as much interest or availability he might had, I couldn’t expect him to make the 2-hour drive in such late hours of the night. So, I put him off my mind and managed to get some rest.

I think I was even more tired the next morning. It was the last day of my vacation and wanted to enjoy as much as I could before making the long drive home.

My high school friend and I were able to do one last thing before leaving late in the afternoon. Before reaching my apartment, I suggested having an early dinner on a restaurant I thought he would like.

He did very much and thanked me for it. Me, on the other hand, checked my phone from time to time. No missed calls.

By the time I got home I was more than exhausted from the trip. It had been a great one, but the emotional part really hit me hard.

I kept telling myself how good of an experience this was and the fact I couldn’t have one detail of it wasn’t a reason to let it ruin my long weekend.

So I did what I thought I should do; I kept myself busy the rest of the night, and put aside any negative thoughts that may question my efforts and outcomes of my attempts in having a relationship with a guy.

The results of this challenge had been that ‘it just didn’t happen’, and it’s up to the other person to take the next step if they want anything with me.

In other words, if nothing happens, that’s it, nothing else left to expect. End of story.



It had been a long and enjoyable weekend and still had the second city to get to for the day.

My friend got out of the water, rinsed off, changed clothes and else, while I sat on the car waiting for him when I checked my phone. It was around 3pm.

And, there it was, a missed call from an unidentified caller. Looking at the number, I took a guess it could be no one else but ‘the beach guy’.

I called back, got his voicemail, and left a message.

Great, now this is going to be like the ‘back and forth’ emails that we send to each other at random times.

I had mixed feelings when I heard his voice. On one end I was glad that, after all these years, we would finally get to speak to each other. On the other, I was having a gut feeling life was to repeat itself.

My friend got inside the car and, when I was about to start it, the phone rang again and it was he. The moment of truth had arrived and I was nervous.

We exchanged the usual greetings and small talk before getting down to business.

“I’m 2 hours away from you,” said he. “I could drive down today and stay at a hotel to sleep.”

“The thing is I’m headed to another place now with my friend to have dinner there and then drive all the way back, so I don’t know what time I’ll be back. You should have called me ahead of time. Can you make it tomorrow?” asked I.

“No, I have a lot to do tomorrow, starting with my kids. It’s difficult for me to plan ahead. Also, is that guy your boyfriend?”

I knew this question would come up. “No, he’s not my boyfriend!” said I in an upsetting tone. “I’ve known him since I was 13 and graduated from our school as well.” (Dude, if I invited you to come see me it’s because I have an interest in you.)

I thought to myself, why am I giving this extensive explanation to him? Worst of all, I should have stepped outside my car and taken the call away from my friend. The way I responded to the question was totally wrong.

The conversation got into more of ‘who should done what and when’, or who was responsible for this failed attempt to see each other.

So, I agreed with ‘the beach guy’ that I would call him when I was traveling back from my dinner.

I took the wheel again and tried to concentrate on my driving, but my friend knew I was upset. I didn’t want to talk about it because I was sure his opinion about the other guy just got more negative.

At a certain point I did vent out because I was frustrated yet again at my bad luck with men.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have told him about meeting. I feel like a fool for getting my hopes too high like you said,” said I.

“Better now than later,” answered he.

“I know, but nothing happened. I don’t know what to make of it.”

“Don’t think about it. Enjoy your vacation.”

Yes, I should. I’ll figure it out (or not) after my trip ends.



I didn’t mention the long weekend again to the ‘beach guy’ until the day before I was set to leave. The message was more like a reminder, as I was not expecting much response from him. I had even told him to call me and he didn’t do that either.

My friend arrived two days before departing. I checked my emails one last time before leaving and, finally, a message.

‘When are you leaving?’ asked he. ‘About to go; TTUL’ said I. But, wherever or not we would meet, that was still up in the air.

While driving, my friend noticed my seriousness. This was supposed to be a vacation away from the usual routine that surrounded my life. I tried to avoid discussing my mood by saying that I was concentrated on what I was doing.

Although we have been friends forever and spoke occasionally, there was a lot of catching up to do with my school friend, especially the topic of men. And with a 3-hour road trip, what better time than now to discuss it?

“The pattern that I see on these guys that you meet is that you’re not their priority,” said he. “They know that you’re alone and don’t have much of a social life. So whenever they’re done with their day or when a date goes wrong, that’s when they decide to call you.

None of them are worthy of you, including that one you’re hoping to see. The way he behaves with you is another example of what I’m trying to tell you.

He only sends you emails and we’re on our way and still couldn’t give you an answer? What is that?

He says he’s busy with work, kids, and whatever else in his life. He may not tell you, but what he’s saying is that he’s not that interested in you.

You should handle this like when you’re standing in line to send a package: NEXT!!!”

I knew he was right, as always. He’s one of those few guys in my life who had earned the right to tell me how it is.

We changed topics several more times during our travel. We finally got to our destination and I couldn’t be happier.

I didn’t touch the ‘beach guy’ subject again. I kept my phone close to me hoping for a call. I even thought about checking my emails, but decided not to.

You know what? It’s time to ‘log out’ from that and ‘log in’ into my vacation.



et cetera