The New M.E. Generation











It sucks being at work and then getting an email like this one later in the day when you’re ‘brain drained’ and just want your workday to be over and go home.

Knowing how I have evolved throughout the years, not that I needed to think over what I would say or would respond to it; I just didn’t want to use certain words that I don’t normally use.

If I already have decided to end for good whatever was happening because both of us, there was no need to communicate your thoughts in a way it’s not you.

I wanted to convey that I am confident in my position and feelings, not that his behavior has brought the ugly side of me. And that’s not what I want to be remembered for.

Unfortunately that’s how humans are; we remember the bad as small as it may be. We may do good for the longest time, and then we stumble and everyone takes notice. It doesn’t matter if the good outweighs the other; you’re recognized for how deep you fell.

‘Regarding you unfriending me, it came as no surprise. Truth is me being an old girlfriend is not the problem here regarding your relationship.

It has to do with the wife and her insecurities that I’m going to tear the two of you apart. I’m a threat to her and she needs to erase anything that’s considered to be that.

It happened to me when I was married. My a-hole ex made it clear that he didn’t want me having nothing to do with my male friends even when they were just that, friends.

It made me so miserable and isolated, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t about what was the right thing for the marriage; it was all about him and he alone.

I was lucky that my friends forgave and supported me because they love me as the true person I have always been to them.

I’ll tell you this, when the years go by and your daughter grows up and moves away, and you find yourself all alone with or without your spouse, then you will realize what a mistake it was to have let go of all the people that truly loved you. By that time I will have forgotten about you and not really interested in listening to what you have to say.

Let me ask you, would you have done the same if I were in a relationship? You and I know the answer very well.

And regarding this friendship proposal you always present to me, fact is, I’ve been the one who have been writing and reaching out to you.

This means that once I discontinue doing so, because I know you won’t, that’s it; it’s over. You’re not just unfriending me for a while, it’s for good.

Like with other guys I’ve met, if I’m not the one making the effort here, nothing happens.

So, good luck with your life because you will need it.’

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We got to the restaurant and got seated right away. I suggested a medium pizza, but he insisted on ordering a large. I used the excuse of me watching my weight. But it really was that I didn’t want to come across as wanting to take advantage of him, in spite I knew he could afford to buy me more than just one big pie.

While we waited to be served, the conversation continued covering many trivial past things. I don’t recall how it happened, but the situation about the failed meeting the year before surfaced.

“You know, regarding what happened last year…”

I knew which way he wanted to go with this incident and that he was to get the last word, just like all he does, and I wasn’t allowing it.

“You called me that Saturday at 4pm and the plans I had for that day were still ongoing. What did you expected, that I was going to alter them?” said I in a somewhat upsetting tone.

“I already had a room reserved for me to sleep at. You know I have my kids, but cleared the rest of the day to be with you,” answered he.

The rest of the day? Maybe the night was still open, but that weekend was all about me, not him.

He realized that my temper was not mellowing down and I was not going to give in, so he made a ‘time-out’ signal with his hands, which stopped the debate.

‘Good timing’, pizza’s here.

I calmed down after a few bites. He switched topics to that of his kids, which I’ve heard plenty of before. He showed me videos and photos of them, never short of reiterating how much he loved and was proud of them.

I always respect men who are like that, but the sad reality was that if I had a relationship with him, they were always going to be first, no matter their age. That’s what happened in my marriage and would have remained regardless if I have had them, and I don’t want any of that ever again.

The other issue is that he doesn’t want any more kids. He told me he got ‘fixed’, so that’s it with that. I know my time to have them naturally has expired. But what if I wanted to have one in the future, like with an adoption? With him the chances were basically zero to none.

He kept on talking about the kids and I kept myself ‘busy’ by chewing on the pizza. But most of what he said got diluted on my mind, to the point I don’t recall most of what he said.

Worst part is, I was starting to get sad. I have known for the longest time that nothing was ever to happen between us, not even a friendship or whatever could be defined, and that is good because I’ve given closure to that.

But it shows how much time and energy was wasted when I was a teenager. I know I was immature and didn’t know any better. Question is: How much have I really evolved these last years to what men relates to?

So, what else is this night going to serve me?



My vacation was going very well. The days were beautiful and my school friend and I were doing more things that we had planned for.

It was on our second day of the trip that we traveled to his college town. I had visited him during those years and we drove around the beach and other places he had taken me to before. It sure was a trip down ‘memory lane’.

We took photos and everything, and I was glad to be at a location I thought I would never get to visit again. My friend decided to go for a swim, but I opted to sit and enjoy the view.

While he was swimming, I became very nostalgic. The last time I was here was 20+ years ago and, as it has been pretty much my entire life, I questioned my whole existence.

It has been a difficult year and I had no sense of direction of what was to happen next or how I was going to get to the next level.

My friend knew I have been unhappy with anything related to me for the longest time. I was trying to show my best face possible, like in the past, but it wasn’t all working.

I am now older, perhaps wiser, but still pretty much lost. I am at a stage in my life that all I wish for is quite simple: find a man, have a home together, and maybe a family.

I know life is not picture perfect as others have told me (including him) and that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

So, how do I take things from here while sitting at the beach? Don’t have a clue. Hopefully the ocean water will wash all my sadness away.



et cetera