The New M.E. Generation











Ivan came over again and, this time, he looked really bad! His facial expression was a combination between being horribly shocked and ‘I can’t believe this happened to me.’

He and I sat down on the same chairs we did before. It was almost surreal meeting again. It had been a while, but it felt like it was the other day when he told me about his problems.

But now he looked even worse. I was beyond feeling sorry for him. Seriously, this guy was in such bad shape it felt like there was nothing that could be done to help him feel better.

I sat next to him and held his hand once more. I had no idea what to tell him, but I gave it a shot.

“You probably know, but you don’t look good.” (Maybe not.)

He wasn’t affected by my comment. “Listen, I’m really sorry for what happened. I never thought it would. You told me things were bad, but I thought the two of you would work things out.”

He was still not saying anything. “OK, I do understand what happened to you and, like I said before, you don’t have to go through this alone, even less now.”

“I know,” said he, “and I appreciate it. But, I have some fault in all this. I should have handled the relationship another way.”

“Hold on a second! Things were bad and you may have made mistakes, but that doesn’t give her permission to go out and cheat on you.

If she was so unhappy, she should have broken up with you. She then could have done whatever she wanted. But, no, instead, she gets back at you the most hurtful of way!” (Now I was getting really mad!)

Ivan’s expression sort of changed to ‘what’s up with her?’ Yep, my past experiences and feelings got suddenly relieved through another person. I quickly took notice and switched modes.

“Sorry,” said I, “but it upsets me how you feel about yourself. It’s not fair to do that in an effort to find a reason to all this. There are times when we never do. Right now learn from it, vow never to make those mistakes again, and move on. That’s all you can do at this time.”

Wow, listen to myself talk! Ivan was so overwhelmed, nothing really registered on his mind. But it was ok, I was glad he was here and that I somehow managed to give him some comfort (I think).

And, like the first time around, Ivan didn’t say much and thanked me before he left.

I was somewhat concerned about his wellbeing when he did. But, that’s for him to deal with. I think I have done for him all that I could.

You know what? I think he’s going to be all right, and so am I.

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Most of the people in Dina’s group started leaving before the band finished playing their last set. Dina and I were basically the only ones remaining to leave.

I wanted to go home at the same time that she would, so we would accompany one another to our cars. But Jesse asked me to stay and offered to walk me. The other guy accompanied Dina to her vehicle.

I was hesitant of doing that, staying, and placing myself in a situation I knew I was later to regret. But he insisted in such a way with his many ‘please’ that I felt I would have looked bad from my behalf to say ‘no.’

So when the band ended playing and the bar announced ‘last call,’ it was time for me to make it for the night.

I was about to ask Jesse to walk me to my car when he asked me for my number. (Here we go again…)

“You know, I am a very private person. How about if you give me yours?” (What the heck was I trying to say here??)

“Where I come from, that means you will never call me,” said he.

“And where I come from (a.k.a., my own little world in which I gravitate around), it can mean a lot of things (like me finally taking control of this type of situations). I give you my word I will.”

I handed him my phone and he entered his number. I knew he wasn’t happy, but I was. I simply wanted to do what I felt was the right thing to do.

I finally got to my car and said good-bye to Jesse. I even hugged him and thanked him for the good time I had with him. But I knew he didn’t want me to leave.

I can’t deny I felt bad. Why does it always has to be this way, that one person falls hard for another and that other one doesn’t feel the same way?

I was questioning myself if I had made the right decision of not providing ‘too much info,’ but I had to be mature and stand by on the decisions I had made.

So I finally got into my car and left.

This has been quite a night. I have to call Madelyn and tell her about it. I need her review on my moment with Jesse.

And speaking of him, will I really call him? I’ll make that decision after Madelyn ‘puts me on the stand.’



et cetera