The New M.E. Generation











Alex gave me his phone number and let it up to me to make the first call whenever I felt I was ready to, which I preferred. In the past I have been the one who gave out the number, and the guys would either call me right away, or never called at all.

Either way, it was irritating to me, but probably the second one is worst. With the first you know they’re interesting (in whatever level that may be), but calling right away might also make them look desperate (or extremely horny). Not making the call makes them look like total jackasses. If you are not interested, why ask for the number? I mean, couldn’t you figure that out beforehand?

So, when am I making the call? Hmm, now I’m freaking out. Don’t know why, all is going the way I’ve wanted to. Is it ‘the voice thing’ or maybe the fact that I finally met a guy who has a lot of potential?

All I can say is that I’m very nervous. I haven’t had a relationship with a guy since my separation. I don’t know how it feels to have a relationship any more, to have a man I can call my own. And I still haven’t learned what I am supposed to do if that ever happened again.

I am afraid to make the call because I feel I will handle it all wrong. I am scared to give myself the chance to open my heart to someone else and experience something I used to know how good it felt.

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Maybe it has to do with his pictures. In one he’s sitting on a staircase in a house, wearing a shirt, jeans and flip-flops. I think it is the shoes; they give me the feeling of someone bohemian, relaxed, laid back, a beach lover.

In the other photo he’s outdoors, like in the mountains, standing below a tree wearing a cowboy hat, long-sleeve shirt and jeans. He looked sexy to me probably because I’ve never known a cowboy or rancher. But, is he?

Oh. My, he’s European (yes! even better!). That hasn’t happened to me either, and (no!) he’s younger than me, by about seven years. (Will this cougar phase ever end??)

Funny thing is that he doesn’t look that much younger than me. He did look, though, that for a first online date, he would be worth a try.

So during the day we kept exchanging short emails through which we asked questions to each other, to get some info from one another. He told me his name was Ivan and was born and raised in one of the former Soviet block countries.

Then, on one of the last ones, he asked me the most dreaded question, ‘Can I have your phone number?’ Once again, nervous of how to address this, I told him to give me his, and prayed he wouldn’t pull a ‘Jesse’ reaction (‘Where I come from, that means you will never call me.’)(Please refer to ‘Another Cougar Moment’.)

Lucky me, he gave it to me, no comments made. My last email to him read, ‘Great! I will be calling you soon.’

And what does that entail from my end? For starters, I thought to wait to call until the evening so not to look desperate and to ensure he would be available to talk.

Now, got to decide if I make the call and he doesn’t answer, will I leave a message? I’ll probably freak out and hang up and try again later. I mean, the number will appear as a missed call, but it doesn’t guarantee that the receiver will answer it if there’s no voicemail.

No, I should be brave and leave a message. I mean, haven’t I been brave enough for giving online dating a try?

All right, in a few hours I will make the call that (maybe) will change my life.



et cetera