The New M.E. Generation











The next morning I rushed to work as usual, so it didn’t give me much time to speak to my friend, which was great to avoid last night’s situation. It was a long weekend and celebrating my birthday, so that’s what I wanted to concentrate on.

Work finished early around 4pm and I rushed home, as we were having dinner with a couple friends of mine whose wife is also a graduate of our school.

My then friend helped me choose my clothes, something he had done before. I didn’t feel intimidated or upset about his opinion after all these years, something that with other guys I’ve not been that easy with.

We met my friends at the restaurant and it was nice to be out with a guy and another couple, which hasn’t happened in a long time.

As we were having drinks at the table, my friend grabbed my hand and held it with both his on the table. “Are you okay babe?” asked he. I reacted surprised, as I wasn’t expecting it. I replied with a ‘yes, I’m fine’, with a face that I was happy with all that was happening. I let him hold my hand until food was served.

After dinner, the couple invited us to their place for additional wine. They also have a pet parrot; I then remembered that my friend’s mom had one that lived cageless and was infamous for what it would do or say.

When I asked him about it, he said it has passed away about 6 years ago. I also remembered about 2 small dogs that had vegetable names like ‘yucca’ and ‘onion’ because of their hair color.

He explained that when his mom decided to move was able to place them with other families. What I didn’t remember was that there were many other pets in the backyard, including turtles, which I don’t recall ever seeing. It sounded to me like a zoo and baffling that my memory had failed me on this one.

At one point when my friend was away from all us, the wife said to me, “OMG, you can totally tell he only has eyes for you by the way he looks at you. He’s totally into you.”

I was caught off guard again with her comment. Her husband and her have been good friends all these years and their opinion was important to me. I didn’t agree with them always, but knew that what they said to me they did because they cared.

The question about the possibility of being in a relationship with me came to mind again. But I replied to my friend something to the extent that I didn’t like his constant moving and that bitch ex of his was still present in his life. She looked at me as in ‘take advantage of the here and now’.

My then friend was claiming he was really over the bitch and had taken her out of his social media profile. He even said that ‘he wasn’t going to hide anything,’ meaning being quiet about posting photos or comments, including one image of us in a friendly hug. He was now ‘a free man’, able to do whatever he wanted and wasn’t going to care what other people thought or said, including his so-called ex.

I was enjoying the moment and was looking forward to much more the next few days. That was the ‘now’ that I was feeling, besides that voice in my head that kept circling like a major warning that something bad would happen.

Little did I imagine that the actions and photos of that day, and the following ones, would have so much impact in my life, even today, and he would be the one to blame.

Let’s say that I never pictured the after events that came from him. If there’s a ‘poster child’ for lies and betrayal, his image would be front and center. Smile, you’ve been framed!



The days went by and no sign of Ivan. To be honest, I was caught up with finishing the work year and looking forward to the vacation days that I forgot about him. It had been hectic at work and really needed some ‘me’ time. I just wanted to enjoy the holidays and end the year in a good note.

It wasn’t until New Year’s Eve that he resurfaced just as he said he would.

“Hey, I’m back in town and my sibling is visiting. What are you doing tonight?” text he.

I was surprised he actually contacted me, but even more that he invited me to celebrate this day with a family member.

“I actually have plans for tonight. But would love to meet up with you and your sibling some other time, perhaps tomorrow?” answered I.

He didn’t reply to my text. I was getting ready for the night, but also nervous that perhaps I was missing on an opportunity to see him, so I text him again.

“Maybe we could meet later after midnight?” text I.

Why not? I am the one complaining that nothing happens with guys and that my social life needs to improve. So then let’s do something really out of the norm for me. These moments happen rarely and this day only once a year.

No reply. Guess he was expecting another answer? Now what? Switch to ‘desperate mode’ and call him.

But, he went back to his old self: no answer. I left a voice message summarizing what I wrote, that would love to get together with him and other person, either tonight, tomorrow or whenever convenient for him, and to please call me back.

Of course, that didn’t happen. I got somewhat upset, but quickly put it aside. This end of the year, I wasn’t allowing any guy to make me feel guilty about anything.

It has really been many difficult years, but slowly and surely, I’ve grown personally and spiritually to levels it has taken me plenty of effort to achieve. And I just wanted the next year to be better than before.

That I’ve hadn’t had a guy next to me at midnight ever since being single? True, but I know it won’t be forever.

Some people have come and gone and I have lived through the best and worst. May still not have a clue about the future and how I will get there.

But I am here still and at peace with myself, and tonight this is all that matters to me.



{October 14, 2013}   Looking Back 15 – Kiss and tell

‘If you ever feel like talking, I’m here for you,’ wrote I.

‘I’m done dealing with my current relationship. I rather talk with you about the old days. I remember you being an awesome kisser,’ said he.

‘An awesome kisser?’ I do remember that one time when he took me for the ride on his car. But saying that I was ‘awesome’ is a major word.

‘Thanks for the complement, but I have a vague memory about that. My memories of you and I interacting are at the beach and at a distance in school,’ continued I.

‘You don’t remember a lot do you?’ asked he. ‘You and I go way back. Actually, I looked forward to seeing you in school.’

‘Maybe you and I had something going on since being teenagers, but we really didn’t have anything together. I don’t even know how to define it.’

I kept thinking about the kissing and what really happened between us. If it was that great, why didn’t it continue or he kept some sort of contact after graduating? It’s a mystery I still haven’t figured out.

I continued writing, giving all details that I had about that infamous car ride. While at it, I questioned myself why I was doing this and if he would care at all about what I had to say.

‘I remember that very well. I like chatting with you.’

‘Like I said; if you ever want to talk, let me know. Better yet, let’s have a talk over a drink, that is, if we ever get to see each other again.’

‘Thanks; you’re very sweet. Of course we’ll see each other. Don’t know when because of the distance and all the things going with work, kids, etc.’

Here we go again. Why is that all guys I meet are complicated? When am I ever getting a break?



“I’m glad you remember me being cheerful when I was trying to get your attention because I sort of had a crush on you,” wrote I. “My memory is that you basically ignored me.”

“Let’s get one thing straight; you did have a crush on me, and I actually looked forward to seeing you around school,” replied he.

How embarrassing, I was that obvious!

“All right, all right, I admit it; I had a crush on you,” said I. Strange, though, how different we both remember things. For me it was more seeing you sitting at your desk studying.”

“Yes, I was focused on my work and still am with that.”

Yes you were. Sometimes I sat next to you to talk to you but your attention was in your books.

“At least one of us got their lives figured out. Yours is what I wish for.”

“Well, things always look greener on the other side and I wouldn’t have my life any other way from what it is. But you shouldn’t feel bad about yours. Keep up the faith; you never know when things turn around for you. You have to believe on that,” replied he.

Believe in it? What do I actually believe on?



I took Dina’s advice of not calling Christian. But after a week or so he hadn’t and I felt the need to call him. After all, I was the one who said that would ‘stay in touch.’

Hmm, I’m wondering if there was another ‘lost phone’ incident or a lost interest all- together. Well, I’ll never know if I don’t make the call.

“Hey Christian, how are you? We haven’t spoken since…that day.”

“I know. That sure was a nasty storm.”

“So what you’re up to?”

“Same old; the kids, fishing. The weather has been good on both. How about you?”

“Same as usual. My life is pretty tranquil. But, um, was calling to say ‘hi’ and know how you were.”

I almost asked him to set up another date to meet but I held back. He didn’t make the move nor he sounded interested in doing so. The conversation was one of those that you do when you just want to really speak to someone you haven’t for some time.

So, in essence, the call turned to a ‘blah’ one when I had just seen him a week before. He was not someone who represented anything in my life. I had no feelings for him and think he doesn’t see anything in me.

I felt empty after I hung up. I felt this had lead to nothing and Christian was to become another guy who briefly crossed my life.

On the other hand, I was wondering if I was coming to conclusions too fast. So, once again, I asked myself, ‘what am I going to do?’ Wait for a few days or even a week like I previously did?

Don’t know. At least I did like Dina, no emotions attached.

You know what, this feels like the storm. It came quickly, caused some mayhem for 20 minutes and then disappeared.

In other words, he appeared suddenly, his presence ‘tested the water’ of my life for a short time, and now he has ‘moved on.’

And so have I.

The weather has cleared out and it’s time to look forward to new ‘brighter’ days.



{December 10, 2009}   The Accidental Cougar 2 – Charge!

Shortly after my past life began (my ‘x’ had left me but no dissolution finalized yet), I was really angry at everything. I couldn’t wait to do things, lots of them (like?) that would get my life rolling again (meaning?).

Everything was confusing to me back then. I had no sense of direction and felt completely alone. I just wanted to get even at my ‘x,’ and now that I was supposedly ‘free,’ I wished to do all that I’ve felt missed or was unable to do throughout my married years.

Yep, I wanted to do so much when, honestly, I felt I had nothing to look forward to. It was just myself, with plenty of emotions to deal with.

It was a Saturday afternoon when my phone rang. It was a friend of mine who proposed going with another girlfriend of hers to a bar/club that I’ve wanted to go for some time. “I certainly do!” said I very enthusiastically.

After the call, I went straight to my closet and looked for the dress that I thought would be the sexiest to wear. I was definitely on a hunting mode; my mission from now on was to meet and date as many guys as I could.

I wanted to be the ‘it girl,’ a ‘party animal,’ ‘the wild thing.’ Whatever that would bring out the other side of me that had been dormant inside as a result of my ‘x’s’ influence and all of his stupidities.

And if someone that knew me saw me, even better. What a great revenge it would have been that news got to his ears that the one ‘you left behind’ was now all changed, hot and living life to the fullest.

Let the game begin…



In the time that followed, Jay and I kept chatting about the trip. Along the way we got to open up and know each other more. I even started sending him text messages late at night before I went to bed.

Our friendship grew little by little, and he was appreciating my texting. He responded once that he looked forward to them and that it greatly helped him get through the day.

Around 2 months before he set a tentative date, Jay started taking care of the other parts of the logistics. First item, could I search possible places for him to stay? No problem.

Actually, there’s one. Around where I live, there’s not that many or affordable hotels. Now that’s a problem.

I kept giving it a thought. So, what’s is it going to be?

“Jay, you know, for what you would spend daily on a hotel, might as well stay at my place and crash on the sofa.” (Did I just say that? Hello! I just opened the door to him.)

“I had thought about that but was afraid to ask. Even if it means sleeping in an air mattress, it’s fine by me.”

All right, sleeping situation resolved.

Sort of.



et cetera