The New M.E. Generation











Despite the huge disappointment I had with Edward in the brief time we were together (if I can define it as that), I did what I used to do with other guys, I kept communicating with him. In other words, I was the one who continued putting the effort of having anything, if that, going.

The difference was I wasn’t pursuing him continuously. I would call him once in a while to find out how he and his children were doing. I would even ask him how things with the chick from the party were doing.

Turns out they were still dating, but he wouldn’t talk much about it. His divorce was still ongoing and was taking longer than it needed to be, so he just wanted to get that resolved first and then worry about what happened later.

Interesting part was I wasn’t feeling much when we discussed his love life. I think the circumstances of all that happened simply closed by emotions to him.

I was content with the relationship we were having, even if it was only through a phone. Sometimes he would invite me to the dog park to hang out with him, kids and pet on any given Sunday afternoon.

They were pleasant, stress-free moments. Still, I would look at all that and wondered if I had let a good opportunity pass me by. After all, he had all that I wanted from a man, all except feelings for him that would motivate me to try to pursue a relationship.

I would try to imagine myself as his companion and being part of his kids’ life, but there was something that wasn’t connecting it all together.

There was no spark or something that pushed me towards him. Yes, it was all weird. How was it possible that of all the guys I met I would feel something, but not towards him?

Was it that I tried so hard to make it right that I actually made it all wrong? Did I become my own worst enemy, literally?

And before I could actually answer my own questions, it all came down to an end in an instant.

It was another day at the dog park. I don’t remember if I called him (probably did) and when I got there, the chick from the party was also there. We both looked at each other as if we were having an out of body experience.

Edward didn’t seem to understand how uncomfortable the situation was, especially me who had no business being there. Even more, the way they behaved clearly showed they were already an item. He literally took me to the dogs and it was time for me to talk a walk far away from there.

After that day I believe I stopped communicating with him all together. From time to time I would see his posts and she would always be at his side.

They were always traveling somewhere (kids included) and the locations were ones any woman would love to go to.

I would again wonder if I had made a mistake with him. Damn, that could have been me in all those photos.

I was feeling envious, but more of the relationship they were having (which I didn’t have) and the allure of traveling the world.

Reality is, all that may sound very romantic, but if you don’t feel anything for the other person, you will not enjoy any of it. That has happened to me before, so, believe me, I know what I’m saying.

Let’s just say this flight has landed and will not take this route (with him) ever again.

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I waited about 2 days and called him before going to sleep. To my surprise, he answered the phone.

Once again, he sounded he wasn’t exactly on this world; it was more like being away on dreamland, but not upset that I called.

“Oops, did I wake you up?” asked I.

“No, I’m in bed relaxing.”

Hmm, it felt very inviting for a moment. Yet, he has always shared his space with all those problematic women, but never with me. I wondered why and couldn’t find an answer.

“All those women you date got you all worn out?” continued I.

“I only date one woman at a time, you know that.”

“Sounds to me like one far too many.”

Ivan didn’t answer. He knows I’m right and I’m sure he wasn’t interested in me giving him a speech yet again about how badly he manages his love life.

“I wanted to call you to thank you for listening to me the other day. I know I got all emotional, but it was all bottled up and just couldn’t control myself.”

“I understand. No worries. Listen, there’s a free dating site you should try.”

“What?? Didn’t you say to me you wanted to take a break? How many women have you met or dated?”

“Just a few, but that was not a recent thing. I really intend to be on my own for a while.”

“At the rate you’re going, next time I speak with you, I bet you’re in a relationship, maybe living with that person, you eloped or moved to the other side of the world. With you, anything is possible.”

“It’s also possible that for once in my life I will finally follow through on what I say.”

“You know what will happen next? I will get into this site you’re talking about and come across your photo.”

“No, it’s not active right now.”

“It’s a surprise to hear that, but a good start indeed. I will give it a try and let you know.”

“You will find someone. Remember, be patient. Everything will be good in the long run. Trust me.”

Trust you when you can’t even do that with yourself? Please, don’t make me laugh! Actually, it’s not a bad idea.

And regarding the site, hey, it’s free. What have I got to lose?

For starters, my dignity and sanity. That can be followed by my lack of patience and sense of lost hope that I will ever meet someone worth anything.

I know Ivan means well, but he’s the last person whom I would take romantic advice.

On that aspect, trust me, I know, plenty.



The holidays continued and my time got invested on work and coming to terms that the year was quickly about to end.

It had been a difficult and disappointing 12 months. Like previous years, I try to end and start each one with the best face possible.

I try to present to others that I am fine and I’m doing my best to keep going forward with my life. But my reality is way different.

I can’t stop thinking that it has been quite a few years since I became single and feel I’m still stuck on the same place. Both my professional and love life has not improved, and in spite of the efforts to change them, it just doesn’t happen.

If I can summarize it in one word, it would be ‘frustrating’, like the way the ‘beach guy’ makes me feel.

And talking about frustration, I got a reply to one of my messages, which I don’t recalled what I was writing about.

‘My life is not my own. I try not to be next to my phone at all times’.

What the heck are you talking about? You are responsible for your life and that of others. If you’re putting yourself second, maybe, but it doesn’t sound like you.

I know he’s no longer that teenager I once knew. But you don’t get to where he is, personally and professionally, without having a certain level of selfishness.

I’m not talking about a negative attitude or behavior, but how you will manage to get to your goals.

And that thing that you try to be away from your phone, who does that nowadays? Besides, you’re a doctor and I’m sure you’re always ‘on call’; so being unavailable is not an option.

You probably are to everyone except me, which is no surprise, because that’s how guys have pretty much behaved with me.

Oh, boy. Why are the things I wished could be gifted to me can’t be placed in a box?



It was mid morning when I received a call to my mobile. It was one of those totally unexpected moments that you just wonder who the heck it might be on this particular time and date.

I personally don’t like this type of calls because I don’t get that many and I always think something bad has happened.

I looked at the caller ID, and, is it possible? It’s Ivan!

“Hey,” said he as he had always greeted me.

“Hey, you. What’s the purpose of this ‘courtesy call’?”

“Nothing; was just in the area and thought about calling you.”

Really? Wonder what exactly motivated him to call me.

“So, what’s going on with you?” asked I.

“Not much. Working a lot. Have not been feeling well lately. How about you? What have you done lately?”

Besides the fact that I have totally taken you out of my life, everything else is fine. “Not much. Always keeping myself busy. Life is pretty straight forward as usual.”

The conversation did not have a lot of substance, and there were some gaps of time between each other’s comments.

I sensed that he wanted to say something right then when he called. This was not the usual ‘how are you doing?’ dull call. I kept thinking to myself, ‘Ivan, what exactly is it that you want?’

It was like a telepathy effect when he finally revealed himself. “Listen, why don’t we go for a drink next Monday?”

“Monday? It’s Wednesday. You mean to tell me you don’t have any free time between now and then?” asked I.

“The thing is that my employer is doing some redecorating on her home and I’m in charge of it.”

His situation is so worn out. If it’s not a big party at the residence, it’s an event in the city. Or if she decides to take a trip around the world, he still has to work until the late night because he’s responsible for anything pertaining to her existence, weekends included.

Just thinking about it makes me exhausted. But I’m not buying his call. I have a feeling he had been dating someone else since I last heard from him, and that person ended dumping him.

Now that he is alone again, he thought about approaching me the way it all originally happened, having drinks.

That’s the reason behind his low-key call. He probably realized that it was a mistake not pursuing me any further, and now he wants to win me back some way. It has not been that long since I last heard from him, but I’ve moved on, and grown, a lot. And I’m not keeping quiet about what I’m thinking.

“That’s nothing new to hear. Tell me something I don’t know about, like, your love life.” I definitely put him on a tough spot.

“Ah, not much. Some dates here and there. Not a lot of time for that, you know that.” (So why are you calling me?) “I did get to go home though.”

“I remember, for your high school reunion. You said you would call me before you left,” said I.

There was another pause during the call. He just didn’t know what to say. But I didn’t care. I wanted him to hear that I haven’t been sitting around waiting for him to come back to my life.

And in regards to his remark that he wants to go for a drink next week, I’m not loosing sleep over it. I’ll be very surprised if he calls, and, if he does, I’m not jumping into my car and dealing with traffic like the first time I met him. If he wants to see me, he will have to come to me, that’s if I feel like meeting up with him.

“Listen, I’m in the middle of something. So I guess we will talk next week?” asked I.

‘Jerk’ is all I could think about when I hung up. I went back to what I was doing before and Ivan disappeared from my mind. After all, that’s what he is in my life right now; non-existent.



In the weeks that followed, I continued having some communication with Jay. I avoided asking him about his new ‘love interest,’ so I just stick to trivial topics.

I was having difficulty getting over him. Some days I would wear the ring and others I wouldn’t. I guess I needed to remind myself that something good has happened in my life.

But I believe the most difficult thing was to tell friends that it was over and that the trip to Canada was not happening. They were all sad and disappointed for how things ended because they knew this was the first guy after my divorce that I genuinely had feelings for, and had given myself the opportunity to open my heart to.

Yep, it took me some time to let go of him. I put the ring away, cried late at night, and got the lessons from this experience that I believe will help me move forward.

The day I knew it was really over was when I called him for the last time. I did because there was some news he had been hoping to hear from me for some time. But I also wanted to hear his voice and reaction of listening me on the other end of the line.

Jay answered the call in his usual upbeat demeanor every time I called, and became more when he heard the news. But after this part was over and I talked about everyday things, the conversation became ‘flat.’ It felt as if he was speaking to anyone else like a friend or co-worker; someone who doesn’t have any special feelings for.

I even had the courage to ask him about his love life, and he responded by saying that he was still seeing her, and taking things very slow.

He then continued to say that he was doing some work on his home and he needed to get back to that. When he said good-bye he was cold as someone who is way over you, or not interested in you at all, even perhaps pretending nothing had happened and needed to ‘exit’ as quickly as possible in order to avoid getting into the present reality.

Meaning, it’s so easy to ‘dump’ somebody when you have someone else lined-up. Of course, you’re not empty-handed, especially if the new person is more convenient for your lifestyle.

He knew that the way he behaved was not the best, so he used the ‘baggage’ situation to let go of me easily and have a good mental excuse for leaving me.

Truth is, if she hadn’t come along, I would have made the trip and maybe still be with Jay.

It’s hard to believe that someone who greeted me with so much love at the airport has now said good-bye the opposite way.

So what am I going to make of it? Nothing. I’m not dwelling on it like I did with the others.

It is what it is and that’s it.



et cetera