The New M.E. Generation











{November 21, 2016}   The Swipe 9 – The great divide

The dinner at Cameron’s place ended in a good note in spite of the traffic jam setback. We continued talking on the phone whenever possible, and he even came twice to my apartment for dinner on the only free day he had of those 2 weeks he was busy with his daughters. He was even nice enough to bring some food for both.

Ironically, when these weeks were up, a long weekend came along (meaning he would be totally available for me), but I already had previous plans to go on vacation during this time, making me feel again that the universe was trying to tell me something.

“I can’t believe it,” said he, “I’m getting 2 weeks off from my daughters and you’re going to be traveling.”

This may sound very movie-like, where the female character decides to ditch the trip last minute and, along with the significant other, turns the time into the most romantic one ever, all ending with the most cliche scene you could ever conceive.

But I know better than that. It’s not worth giving up your plans in this day and age for any guy, even less in the very beginning of anything. It’s true that you definitely need to ‘make the effort’, as he very well said. But all at its right time (like after my vacation).

Hey, maybe the universe is warning me not to give away too much, too soon, with him.

Still, I tried to add some positiveness to the situation by telling him that, “I will miss you”, to which he replied, “no… you will have so much fun, you won’t think about anything else”.

‘Ok, if you say so,’ I thought to myself. ‘I’ll just wipe you out completely from my thoughts’, which didn’t happen entirely.

I wasn’t planning to mention him to the people I stayed with, but when asked if anything romantically was happening with me, I decided to share a photo of him and say how well things have gone so far.

They weren’t that impressed with him. Maybe they decided to hold off on the comments since it was so early in the game. Or maybe they saw that this didn’t have much of a chance, like pretty much what has happened before with so many other guys. Whatever the reasons, it wasn’t a warm welcoming.

Actually, it wasn’t even lukewarm, but more like cold. So much that I didn’t even text or called Cameron during the 4 days I was away.

I don’t recall talking to him or meeting with him upon my return. What I do remember is that I met up with Dina for Sunday brunch. Turns out we had a trip planned for the following month, and I had some documents I needed to personally hand to her.

I was unsure about commenting her about Cameron, but knowing her well, her usual remark of ‘tell me about your boyfriends’ would be part of the order of the day, as sure as the side of bacon I always get.

“Actually, I’ve being seeing a guy called Cameron,” said I to her. I explained my connection to him and how he learned about our friendship after seeing her photos in my social media.

Dina was surprised at my revelation, confirming the interview story (“I met with him and he said he should have been the one doing the interview. Apparently he was brought to the U.S. with that job he had, but it wasn’t long before he realized that all that was promised and/or offered to him wasn’t happening”), the encounters at the kitchen (“it’s funny how he always brings this huge bowl of salad for lunch; that’s basically what he eats every day, ha ha ha”), and that they don’t really speak to each other.

Dina was more excited than I was; I have been keeping a low profile all along, knowing this could all end one day to the next. She is the first to tell me not to take things so seriously, but she’d have had some relationships in the past (no marriages or kids yet). I haven’t had one that I could account for.

She says she takes things in stride and not so personal when her love affairs end, and that I should do the same. She may be right, but I’m at least 7 years older than her, and at my stage when I’ve started the big 5-0 decade and menopause, you don’t take things so lightly any more.

“It will happen this year”, have said she in other occasions regarding finding love and having a family. I used to think this way before reaching the 2 previously mentioned milestones. Now I know that the older you get, the more difficult things get to be.

Worst part is that they change you (for better or for worse), which has made me become somewhat distant from Dina, as I believe I no longer feel and think the way we used to. Now I relate more to other women who share the same experiences as I do.

And speaking of change and Cameron, I wonder how this applies to him. Is he willing to make the necessary ones for his own wellbeing, and that of his daughters, to overcome the divorce, or is he thinking he doesn’t need to because the cause of the failure of the marriage supposedly falls entirely on the wife?

Is he in denial that the divorce will actually happen? And after the affair with the 24 year old, what adjustments will he do for future relationships, if that? How will all these affect me?

Oh Lord, I need another vacation! So happy that it’s happening very soon!

 

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It had been a few weeks since I last contacted Ivan. I didn’t make the effort of doing so, as I felt that he needed to deal with the situation on his own. Besides, if he ever wanted to reach out to me, he knew where to find me.

Instead, I turned my attention to Dina. We haven’t been seen each other for a while, so I suggested meeting one Sunday afternoon at an antique market.

She loved the idea and off we went. While looking at all the store windows and kiosks of vendors selling pretty much anything, she and I had the chance to catch up with our lives, whatever there was to it.

Ironically, we pretty much shared the same feelings and concerns for life ahead, and it was refreshing to me that at least someone was on the same page as me.

And, as we walked down the market, who else came out of a store? The one and only; Ivan. Another guy and a woman accompanied him.

To my surprise, he looked pretty good. And, best of all, I had no negative reaction towards the woman. It didn’t even cross my mind if she was the ex or what relationship she had with him.

“Hey, how are you?” said I happily while giving him a one-arm hug. I also introduced Dina to all of them.

His entourage was a family member (the guy) and a friend (the woman). The guy was in town visiting and she tagged along for the day.

After all the exchange of brief words, I said good-bye to everyone and left. I didn’t utter any words in the line of ‘give me a call sometime’ or else.

Once we were away at a good distance, Dina promptly asked, “who is that guy from all those you have told me about, if you have? He’s cute!”

I summarized it as brief as I could. “Basically, he started dating someone else, had a relationship with her, and she ended up cheating on him. Well, that’s what he told me.”

“Seriously? Wow, can’t believe it,” said she. She was shaking her head in disbelief. Then she dropped the bomb (sort of). “Have you ever wondered what your life had been if the two of you had ended up together?”

That question stopped me on my tracks, literally. I stopped walking and looked up analyzing what she said. “No, I really haven’t. Looking back I can only think that if he chose not to is because…I don’t know.

I would have liked to, but I’m not sure if it was the right time, period.”

“If he came back, would you give him a chance?”

“No!! After you get cheated on, you need to take some time off, and it’s never good to be involved with someone who’s on the rebound.”

“Well, maybe that’s what happened to you before. He saw it was not in you yet to be in a relationship.”

So I guess that’s it; that’s what happened. It was all so clear now.

It was a huge sense of relief, and this encounter was no accident. I needed to be there with Dina, facing this moment to finally put Ivan to rest.

And, just like that, I kept walking ahead, never looking back (not even to check if Ivan was behind me), looking forward to whatever might come next.



et cetera