The New M.E. Generation











Just when I was getting used to the idea that this guy was away and that our friendship has experienced a change that would be put to the test over the next year, I get a totally unexpected call from him in the middle of the week.

People that know me know you never call me at work unless you have an immediate need to speak to me, or it means something really bad has happened.

And with this guy it was the same. So his call meant the second and I felt a bad vibe about it. First thing that came to mind was his mom.

“‘¿Todo bien?'” (Is all fine?) is what he would say and now I’m copying him. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just say things my own way? It’s ridiculous how much he’s engrained in me. “Something happened to your mom?” continued I.

“No my mom’s fine. I’m the one who’s not. Listen, I’m getting out of here. I already submitted my letter of resignation and will fly out in a couple of days,” said he.

“What? Why? Didn’t you just get there about a month ago? What happened? Are you sure about what you’re doing?”

“It’s a long story, but all I will say is that this is a toxic environment. It’s like in one of those mystery movies where you land at what you thought would be an oasis, and then you discover all the hidden horrors nobody told you about.

I made my decision quickly and there’s no turning back. I need to get out of here and the sooner the better. Got my ticket, I’m all packed up, and that’s it. Don’t want to be here no more,” continued he.

I was listening to him and couldn’t grasp what was happening. It’s like I was talking to a complete stranger. This was definitely not the guy I used to know. It could have been the most difficult situation for him, but he would always manage to turn things around and make them work.

That’s what I used to admire about him; he would overcome anything and come out victorious, even stronger as a person.

Now all I’m hearing is how bad everything is, how angry and bitter he has become, how life sucks and is being ungrateful to him, that the world and people have turned against him.

There was never a battle he wouldn’t win and no aftershock that would affect him for long. He would brush off the results of the experience and move on, and be more than ready for whatever else came his way.

He swallowed his pride on anything and kept his emotions under control. He would share them with you, but without putting too much emphasis into them.

Now he sounded like a spoiled child who ‘I want this and I want it now!’ type of attitude. A brat who closes his eyes and cover the ears when you try making any sense into him; someone who raises his voice and stumps the feet at the floor when things don’t go their way or others won’t comply with him.

I don’t know what ‘bit’ him on that location he’s at, but the high temperature on his voice was at boiling point. He may be shouting ‘toxic environment’, but there’s a lot more underlying drama in this low-budget movie that this spectator (me) has yet to see.

Worst part is, the first installment is not over yet and the sequel is about to start. What rating should this get? I’ll give it a ‘B’ as in ‘Bad’, really bad.



{December 14, 2015}   The Ex-Friend 14 – Crossing over

My birthday is close to a long weekend and now that my then friend was single again, what a better opportunity there was but for him to fly here and drive upstate together and be with both his mom and me?

When I told him that it would be a great gift for me, he said he had thought about it, but didn’t ask me as to not come across the wrong way.

Although it had been a while since his separation, he was still struggling to overcome the experience, and had even made attempts both near and far for the bitch to resolve issues he felt she needed to.

He was desperately trying to give the relationship another ending and even considered going back with her, even in the distance, but according to him, she abruptly refused to change her ways, even less for him.

He always said that whenever he tried making sense into her, she would totally get angry, with a demeanor of having ‘both of her fists held up high, ready to fight him.’

He kept insisting that she was the one with the problems that greatly needed ‘psychological and religious help’, otherwise he felt life was not going to go well for her.

It was around this time that my friend started ‘slipping’, meaning an emotional breakdown of not accepting that others don’t have to do as you say even if supposedly it’s the best for them, or think that because you’ve gone through certain experiences it makes you an ‘expert’.

At one point he told me that I needed psychological help because I still had lingering issues from my divorce. When I told him I had done that in the past and was not interested in going back to that, he got upset. He was talking to me as if I didn’t know myself or what was best for me. Yes, he may have known me from an early age, but has also been absent from my life a good chunk of years.

He got even more upset when I told him he was no expert, especially on medical things, even though his father had been a pharmacist. Even his tone of voice started changing to one that started to bother me.

He also thought being actively religious was also guaranteed to solve any problems, even changing people’s sexual preference. I knew from early on he didn’t favor certain kinds of people (whom he referred to as ‘abnormal’), but thought he had overcome that stage.

Boy was I wrong. Even I slight mention about it made him react with hatred and disgust. It was like watching a werewolf movie where the beast kills everything on site.

Worst thing was he wanted everyone else to change, but not him. And this was something I have lived all too well in my life with others around me and I was in no position to do this again, even for him.

When I told him that ‘religion wasn’t for everyone’, he nearly lost it. Thank goodness he wasn’t in front of me; I would have probably stabbed him to defend myself.

I consider myself spiritual and have been attending church on my own terms, but embracing your faith is no easy task in my opinion. It takes more than spending 4 hours daily praying on your knees until they peel, or being part of prayer groups, etc., like he was doing.

They mystical question is, what happened to him? Let’s say his nasty separation hit him harder than the nails on the cross, one that he built himself and expected others to carry along with him.

And because I didn’t took his path, a year or so later he ‘buried’ me and I chose to say ‘you’re dead to me’, better yet, me wish for him to ‘rot in hell’.



After my return home, life went back to normal for me. For Madeline and my friend, not so much.

About a year later, Madeline decided to quit he job. She had mentioned this when I first visited her. She didn’t give me a solid reason for it other than ‘she had thought about for some time and had already made her mind on it.’

I tried to make sense into her, but in her true fashion, there wasn’t anything to make her go back her decision. And by the time she officially confirmed it with me, she had put notice at work and had separated a storage space.

Her mom flew over shortly after and Madeline placed all her belongings in the storage. She was literally living out of her suitcase and with no immediate plan.

She came to my area to leave her car with some friends. She then took off to Europe for a month by herself. Upon her return she was like a gypsy jumping from one place to another, without saying what she would do next.

When I told my friend, it made no sense to him either. He was convinced that something really bad happened with a person or situation that made her decide on something so extreme.

But with Madeline’s close tight persona, the answer to that mystery as of to the why was one I knew would never be solved.

Fast forward another year and my friend’s job contract was coming to an end; he was making the arrangements to stay with his employer and hopefully get transferred to another location.

I don’t know how he broke it to me, but it was during this time that he told me that his relationship was in bad shape.

It caught me by surprise, as he was someone who always managed to overcome any problem. It was a situation that had taken time to develop, which made me wonder why he didn’t share with me when it started getting complicated.

I got concerned for him, so I started calling him more often for support. I knew his girlfriend wouldn’t like it, but he had always been there for me and now it was my turn to do the same.

At that point I had no position about his relationship since I had no details of what had been happening. My only wish was that he wouldn’t get too hurt and whatever concluded would be for the best for both of them.

What I didn’t know was that his so called girlfriend, if that, hated my guts with a passion, to the point that one day she answered my friend’s phone and talked to me with a nasty tone.

I got to know her even nastier side the following week when she called my mobile. Among the things that this primitive-level person told me was that I couldn’t call him because he was ‘her man’ and that ‘his family had no recollection of who I was.’

To which I replied, “if he doesn’t want my friendship, he has to be the one to tell me IN MY FACE. Second, I’ve been in his life way before you starting fucking it up, so I’m not going away any time soon.”

I then proceed to provide such an array of details including full names, addresses, dates and else, that clearly proved that I was more than a friend, I had also been part of his family.

And while I kept on and on, all this low-class bitch could do was gag, as she realized she made a huge fool of herself and eventually hung up.

I was determined to defend my friend no matter what. But in the same fashion as Madeline, something happened to my friend that made him someone unknown to me.

Yep, the people who I always looked up to and gave me the tools to survive were the ones now with such a broken down system, that not even a personal upgrade was to fix them.



‘And it’s about a 3 ½ hour drive. And I’m falling asleep,’ text I.

‘Good night Mimi,’ replied he.

‘Another toy? Wrong chick. And you have a new girlfriend.’

‘Ha. I have no GF. I have called you that before. Yes I have a crap load of cars.’

‘When did you called me that?’

‘High school. You don’t remember?’

‘There’s a crap load of things about you that I still don’t. How and why did you come up with that name?’

‘IDK. I can’t believe you don’t remember!!’

‘Sorry; trying really hard. There had to be reason you gave the name to me. You don’t do anything for nothing.’

‘I think you asked me to call you that. It was sort of a love nickname.’

‘No one has ever given me a nickname, not even family. I was insecure back then, so I doubt I would’ve asked you for anything.’

The texting stopped at that point. It was late, but couldn’t fall asleep. The name thing was circling my mind and as hard as I thought about it, the recollection was not happening.

But it helped to make sense of other feelings I have felt. I would bet anything he gave me the name, which probably made me feel special and that I was more than just a friend. It’s almost a girlfriend feeling, but perhaps that I was part of his life.

My adolescence was difficult, especially the relationship with my mom, and among that chaos I thought someone loved me. Having a nickname symbolized the person I wished I could have been and probably what I thought he expected of me.

I wasn’t happy with my life, so being with someone I thought had feelings for me was all I could ask for, and having another name made me different and set me aside from everyone else.

Now I understand the conflicting memories of what we actually were. This guy probably felt something for me, but not to a level of considering me anything other than this playful girl who liked hanging out at the beach with him.

Me, on the other hand, would feel too much for other guys because I was looking for the affection I wasn’t getting at home. That’s why it was so hard for me to take when he graduated and never looked for me afterwards. Maybe my mind has deleted or archived all this to avoid feeling again all the pain I felt because of it.

So what am I feeling about this forgotten name? ‘Mimi’ sounds almost like ‘me me’. I like how it sounds. I could approach it that it’s all about me now, how I’ve turned my life around and made it all mine.

Mimi might have resurfaced from the deep, but what washed back to shore looks pretty bright and polished.

Am I totally back? No, but for today, that’s good enough for me.



“I was a mistake to my parents,” said he.

“What? No! How can you say that?”

“Because they had a troubled relationship and somehow I happened. I was even sent away to boarding school most of my life.

I myself had a difficult relationship with them. That’s why I’m so focused on providing my daughter the stable environment I never had.”

I was literally crying over the phone. “Please never say that again. My parents also had a difficult relationship since as long as I remember. But I’ve never felt negatively about my existence.

The problems that they all had are theirs, but unfortunately we get tangled up on the outcomes of what they do. In a way we pay for their decisions.

All we can do is try to make sense of all their mess and try not to repeat it, like you’re doing.

But you and I are not what you think. I love you very much as a person and hurts me deeply how you feel about yourself. You’re worse than me at times.

If it helps you heal in any way, just remember how much I feel about you, and if I was you, I would make it all go away.

So for now just remember that there’s at least one person who cares about you and thinks highly of you.

Can you try to do that for me?”



After the pain dissipated somewhat, I started getting angry. It was the first time feeling this way. I would always feel a never-ending sadness and confusion, and of trying to make sense of what happened.

But it was obvious what occurred here. He stopped communication with me out of fear that he would get caught, which he did.

He was then faced by his spouse, who probably told him to choose between me or her, or else, so he had no other option but cut me off completely.

I do understand that at times one has to do what necessary to resolve an issue for the sake of other people or relationships, even if it means gaining something, but loosing another. Even if we have to do it not really wanting it, I still get it.

What really bothers me is that, even after some time had passed, I never got an explanation for what he did or happened. It was pretty much the same as back in college; our relationship, or whatever we had, never got resolved when we last saw each other.

He may have done what he needed to, but neglected to take care of the one who was hit the hardest by his actions, me, the one who didn’t deserve any of this.

He simply walked away and left me standing alone to pick up the broken pieces and deal with it.



After dinner, we all walked ‘next door’ to a bar that had a live band playing. Other friends of Dina soon arrived. We all got hold of a drink and stood where the band was playing, coming together with other people as well.

Everyone was enjoying the music as they danced and sang along each song, either you knew the person next to your or not, and having a blast.

During one of the intermissions, I noticed two guys, who were not part of the group, talking to Dina. I was not far away from her and I felt glad they were showing an interest in here.

But it wasn’t very long before Dina’s body language signaled to me that she wasn’t all that interested in them.

From where I was standing, them two seemed like descent, well dressed and mannered men. They physically looked like what Dina would go for, but there was a ‘minor’ problem. They looked younger than Dina, I mean, way younger.

I quickly sensed that she would soon ‘discharge’ them, so I stepped in. “Hey, they look like nice guys,” said I to her in her ear.

“They’re too young for me!” responded Dina quite quickly. It didn’t matter if there were no other strikes against them; she had already ‘stroke them out.’

(‘Oh, c’mon you,’ I thought to myself, ‘give them a break at least.’) “There’s nothing wrong in being a cougar, you know.” (Yeah, and this one standing next to you can give you plenty of insight on this matter.)

“No! They just got out of high school.”

“You probably heard wrong. They can’t be here if they’re under 21.”

I was trying to make some sense out of her when, out of nowhere, Dina grabs one of the guys by the arm and pushed him through the back towards me. “Here, why don’t you talk to my friend?”

And, just like that, I have a guy standing in front of me looking me up and down with a big smile on his face.

‘Why is this happening to me?? Damn you Dina, why did you had to ‘throw’ this situation at me?’

And, yes, he does look younger than her, but waaaay for me.

What is this? Is the universe playing game with me again?



Jeff and I kept communicating on and off for some time. We would talk on the phone or have extended conversations at my place.

With time, he started opening up to me. I got to understand why he was the why he was. He had experienced life on the edge; lived situations that were beyond his biological age.

They were ones that I can never imagine getting myself into, or know how I’ve would have handled them during the time that they occurred to him or if they would to me in the future.

But, the more he shared things, the more I grew to respect him.

I also felt sorry for him. A few times he got really emotional and that broke my heart. Although he had recovered from those bad moments, he was still deeply scarred and there was a pain within him that seemed to refuse to go away.

There were times when I wanted to reach out to him but couldn’t. In a certain manner I had lived a life much like his.

My marriage did not turn out as I hoped it would have, and many situations left me feeling that I also had lived way beyond my years.

I was deeply scarred as well, and my emotional pain was so bad it almost made me ‘emotionally challenged.’ It was so deep that I had lost some sense of empathy towards others.

But I did care about him and told him many times. But him, like me, had a hard time believing this from others.

Being hurt and in pain had become part of our lives. It had become second nature.

And what was this cougar playing in all this? I will say this: what we both lived made each other ageless. There wasn’t an age difference here.

But with his uncertain look at life, the cougar simply let him know that ‘hey, I’m still here. I’ve lived through it all and, although I’m down now, I will make it back to the top somehow.

You have lived enough to be practically my age. But if I survived it and still have a positive outlook for the future, so should you.’

Like I said, I did care about him. Hopefully I’m drilling some sense into him.



et cetera