The New M.E. Generation











As I continue on my online quest to meet a guy, I did the swipe thing again shortly before my trip with Dina.

This time I connected with one that caught my attention, not because of his looks, but because he worked in the same company as the husband of a girlfriend of mine.

This meant that, one, he should be as good as a person as my GF’s man and, two, I can get any information I want to know about him through my friends, hopefully eliminating all the mysteries surrounding someone you don’t know.

This person, which I will refer to as Bob, looked respectable from his photos. He’s about 5 years older than me and although he has no hair (as in bald, which I never done before of meeting someone like that), I reminded myself to keep my options open, like my bestie always says.

Because I had his first name and that of his employer, I did a search, and found his profiles. The work one had no photo of him, plus the information didn’t seem current, and his social one was very plain. It basically had no content other than the photos he posted of himself in the app.

This is what happens with social media. Either people post too much, or are so closed to the world that you wonder if they’re hiding something. Again, I will try not to jump ahead of myself.

At the same time, if you’re not one who will dedicate time in engaging with your profiles (either personal or professional), then why bother having one?

I think Bob gave me his email before my trip, but did let him know that I was traveling and would touch base with him upon my return, which I did.

He gave me his number and I made the first call on a weekday sometime after work. He picked the call about in the third ring and his voice sounded as one that matched his physical.

We were on the phone for at least an hour and we shared small talk about my trip, work, family, etc., without going to further details, but he seemed to enjoy and interested in what I had to say.

If we did get into a more serious topic, like divorce, it was discussed mildly as in ‘how many years ago it happened’ or other basics.

One thing I didn’t ask him, which probably I should have, was if he was seeing anyone else. He didn’t ask me either and, from what I heard from him, he didn’t sound like he was.

The one detail that was really disappointing was that he lives about an hour or so away from me, which is not what the app showed. I guess the software displays the location of the person of where they are at the moment when one is using the app.

My bad luck with that ‘there’s always something with the guys’ I meet happened yet again. Is this the universe giving me a heads up early on that it won’t happen with this one either? If so, why then did he had to come into my life?

After the first conversation, I called him a couple of more times until I felt that, if he was interested in continuing talking, he should be the one now making the call.

He did a few days later and said on the phone something like, ‘you have been the one calling me, so I thought it was my turn to do so now’. Ok, he seems to be interested.

We eventually spoke a few more times (I believe taking turns) and I think I was the one to ask him if we should meet, to which he accepted.

Since his work is located at a reasonable distance from where I live, I recommended meeting at a bar at a mall near my home on a Friday after work. Although I’ve never been there, the location was one of those with an open design concept that seemed the best one for meeting someone for the first time.

I will admit I was nervous, so much so that I couldn’t decide what to wear. I searched among my clothes some days before looking for something that would click. I put a few ideas aside, but ended up wearing something I decided upon last minute.

Not only did I wanted to make a good impression, I wanted something that I felt represented my personality at that moment. Call me a diva or fashion exaggerated, but my vision was realized.

I remember driving to the mall and walking with these high heels I haven’t worn for a while, so I was trying to establish a flow in the walk as graceful as I could from the parking to the bar, which was all the way to the end of the restaurants wing.

I kept my sunglasses on (trying to pull an Audrey Hepburn) and as I was about to make my entrance to the establishment, I saw how much nicer it was from the internet photos.

And then I see Bob sitting right across the entrance, staring at everyone going in, waiting for me.

What was my reaction when I first saw him? Quite frankly, I don’t remember.

I do remember managing to walk with those heels without a hitch and my dual-tone sunglasses.

Yep, as fashionistas say where I come from: “La moda aunque me joda” (Fashion or bust).

So what happens next? The greeting and sitting down. And everything else, hopefully.

And I’ll need a drink for all that. Cheers!

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{October 3, 2016}   The Swipe 2 – The Fish

I kept swiping left and right without any luck yet, until I see a photo of a guy (who I will name Fish) that really caught my attention.

‘OMG!’ I thought to myself. ‘This guy attended the same college I did during the time I was there. Wow. I don’t recall knowing him, but at least it’s to my advantage having something in common. It’s a perfect conversation starter. Hopefully he has swiped right for me. Yes, he did!’

I immediately sent him a message highlighting the school aspect and that we needed to talk about it. I wanted to say ‘meet’, but I didn’t want to come across as desperate.

I checked out his photos and liked that he appeared in different ones, like with family (dancing with a young woman at a party while wearing a nice suit), dressed in a Halloween costume (Fred Flintstone), him running in mud (probably participating in some extreme sport event).

Although the age had changed in these images, he still had a nice face and body for being in his late 40’s, which was good for me, as I like guys who take care of themselves.

His location was still far from mine (about a 2-hour drive), but I kept reminding myself that I needed to keep an open mind.

Through our conversation I learned that he was originally from the Northeast and relocated with his then wife and daughters (he has 2) after getting a job offer (he works in marketing) down here, which also allowed him to escape the nasty winters. He also likes to exercise by running and going to the gym.

I didn’t ask him how long he has been divorced for (I want to keep that topic out just yet) and is in the routine of sharing time with his children every other weekend.

I continued the chat for a bit longer until I thought it was time to ask the main question: should I get his number or should I give mine first? Email perhaps? I said to myself that if I was to do this, I was to do it right.

I decided to ask him for his info. That way I can see how he reacts. If he gives me the run around, or notice any ‘red flags’, then I know that he is lying to me.

‘So how do you want to do this? Exchange emails?’ asked I via text. He replied by giving me his number. OK, all seems fine so far.

The next step was to check his number online and it confirmed that it was indeed him. I also got his last name and social media profile.

The profile had additional photos besides the ones on the app and all seemed under control. He appeared with other photos with his daughters, which made me understand he is a devoted father. The girls looked like they have been raised well, so that was another bonus point for him.

I checked everything that I had access to. He was the real person indeed, but wanted to gather as much other information about him as I could.

I was excited that I just joined a dating app and got a result that seemed worthwhile. It made me believe that these type of sites could actually turn out good.

So, I got his number. What am I going to do now? Of course I will call him. Question now is when would be the right time. Tonight? During the week? Weekend? Heck, I don’t know. ‘There’s never a right time.’ ‘The time is now.’ ‘Just go for it.’ Which will I choose?

Technology may have been created to make our lives easier, but when it comes to love, reality is that you can’t reboot or update it. It will always be scary, confusing, and most often, heartbreaking.

Making ‘the right call’ will always be difficult to do.



I made the call and about 4 rings later, got his voicemail, not with his voice, but those who are automated (‘You have reached the mailbox of…).

I’ve always hated those, so impersonal and robotic. Besides, he’s a guy and the voice is that of a woman. Why aren’t there other alternatives that might ‘personalize’ it somehow?

So, in my usual manner, I left Ivan the same message I always do. “Hi, Ivan, it’s me, Emma. Just calling to say hello and know how things are going with you. Hope all is well. Call me if you can.”

He called me back about 3 days later while I was at work. That’s what usually happened; he would either never return my call, or do so at a day and time it would be difficult for me to give him my undivided attention, forcing the call to conclude quickly.

I know he’s always busy and returning my call it’s done in-between the little free time he has. But the real reason he would do it this way is because he’s not much of a talker, especially with me. He knows I will tell him the truth about his existence and, when I do, I’m not nice.

But this time around, I was the one who needed to be listened to. It was almost the end of the year and this one had been particularly difficult.

On top of that, I was still without a guy, would have been my 20-year anniversary, as well as my late father’s birthday.

At work, things were complicated as well. My boss was giving me a hard time and the other assistant couldn’t take the heat from her either.

Every day that I would walk through the door, this person would have a long face and would immediately start bitching about the boss.

Everything just piled up and I was reaching my breaking point. I didn’t know what to do. Beyond feeling that life was unfair to me, I felt time kept going by and I was stuck in the same place as always. That moment of great change hasn’t happened and was wondering if it would ever do.

“Hey, Ivan, how are you?”

“Fine, sweetie; how are you? Sorry I’m calling you at work.”

“It’s all right; I can talk for a few.” Lucky me, my boss wasn’t in the office. “Actually, no, I’m not that well.”

“What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“Question is, what has not happened to me.”

And just like that, this need to cry out all my emotions suddenly overwhelmed me.

No turning back now. Have to let it all out.



I took the courage to finally make the call and sort of hoped it would go straight to his voicemail, but it didn’t. He answered almost right away.

“Hey! How are you?” said he very enthusiastically. I wasn’t expecting such a warm welcome.

It was so unexpected I had no idea how to respond. I took the easy way of instead talking about our lives since we last spoke up to the present.

I let him do most of the talking to gain some time while I organized my thoughts.

When all was pretty much said, I knew it was ‘now or never’ to say what I really needed to.

“Listen…the real reason why I called you was because things did not end the right way and that’s not really how I like things to happen.

I know it has been some years, but I’m sorry for whatever I did to you that probably hurt you. It all happened during a difficult time for me and I just didn’t know how to handle the situation.”

I had just finished my sentence when he quickly responded, “if it was a bad time for you, it was equally for me.”

Wow, now that I didn’t expect! So that’s what’s it came down to. It wasn’t our time. Question is, could it be now?

I felt a huge sense of relief and more of a reason to make an effort to renew our friendship.

The conversation ended well and he said he would call soon to meet up one day. Sounds good to me. Hope he does.



I finally found the courage to call him. I did around late in the evening, thinking he would be done with whatever he needed to do and available. Before I dialed I started getting anxious.

What if he doesn’t answer? I didn’t give him my number, so chances are he will not take the call. Well, that’s what I would do. So if he doesn’t answer, I will try again at another time, like the next day.

OK, here we go…(it’s ringing).

“Hello?” “Hi, it’s Emma.” “Hey, you finally called!” “Yeah…”(Oh no, his voice sounds weird, like, I don’t know, but it is.)

“I don’t know what to say,” said I, “we’ve pretty much said everything through the emails.”

Alex and I talked for a while, basically expanding on what was discussed online. After a few minutes my anxiety started to ease. His voice still sounded weird, but I forgot about that eventually.

Actually, my impression of him remained throughout the conversation. OK, still feeling good about it. So, what happens next after this conversation is over?

It seemed as if he was reading my mind when the next dreaded question was uttered.

“Would you like to finally meet?”



Alex gave me his phone number and let it up to me to make the first call whenever I felt I was ready to, which I preferred. In the past I have been the one who gave out the number, and the guys would either call me right away, or never called at all.

Either way, it was irritating to me, but probably the second one is worst. With the first you know they’re interesting (in whatever level that may be), but calling right away might also make them look desperate (or extremely horny). Not making the call makes them look like total jackasses. If you are not interested, why ask for the number? I mean, couldn’t you figure that out beforehand?

So, when am I making the call? Hmm, now I’m freaking out. Don’t know why, all is going the way I’ve wanted to. Is it ‘the voice thing’ or maybe the fact that I finally met a guy who has a lot of potential?

All I can say is that I’m very nervous. I haven’t had a relationship with a guy since my separation. I don’t know how it feels to have a relationship any more, to have a man I can call my own. And I still haven’t learned what I am supposed to do if that ever happened again.

I am afraid to make the call because I feel I will handle it all wrong. I am scared to give myself the chance to open my heart to someone else and experience something I used to know how good it felt.



I took Dina’s advice of not calling Christian. But after a week or so he hadn’t and I felt the need to call him. After all, I was the one who said that would ‘stay in touch.’

Hmm, I’m wondering if there was another ‘lost phone’ incident or a lost interest all- together. Well, I’ll never know if I don’t make the call.

“Hey Christian, how are you? We haven’t spoken since…that day.”

“I know. That sure was a nasty storm.”

“So what you’re up to?”

“Same old; the kids, fishing. The weather has been good on both. How about you?”

“Same as usual. My life is pretty tranquil. But, um, was calling to say ‘hi’ and know how you were.”

I almost asked him to set up another date to meet but I held back. He didn’t make the move nor he sounded interested in doing so. The conversation was one of those that you do when you just want to really speak to someone you haven’t for some time.

So, in essence, the call turned to a ‘blah’ one when I had just seen him a week before. He was not someone who represented anything in my life. I had no feelings for him and think he doesn’t see anything in me.

I felt empty after I hung up. I felt this had lead to nothing and Christian was to become another guy who briefly crossed my life.

On the other hand, I was wondering if I was coming to conclusions too fast. So, once again, I asked myself, ‘what am I going to do?’ Wait for a few days or even a week like I previously did?

Don’t know. At least I did like Dina, no emotions attached.

You know what, this feels like the storm. It came quickly, caused some mayhem for 20 minutes and then disappeared.

In other words, he appeared suddenly, his presence ‘tested the water’ of my life for a short time, and now he has ‘moved on.’

And so have I.

The weather has cleared out and it’s time to look forward to new ‘brighter’ days.



The following week went by and I decided to call Christian on Thursday in order to secure a date for the weekend if possible.

I called him but he did not answer the phone. I took the initiative of leaving him a message, but he did not return my call any time during the evening or during the daytime on Friday.

I decided to call him again late Friday afternoon with no luck, and then on Saturday and Sunday. The results were the same, nothing.

I thought to myself that, one, he completely lost interest right from the beginning. Two, something terrible happened to him (hope not). Three, he misplaced his phone in the middle of the ocean (hey, he had mentioned to me during our initial conversation that he fished regularly with his buddies).

I know this is possible to occur, but, in my opinion, this has become ‘the perfect excuse’ for not answering somebody else’s call. I think it has been used by so many people, that it has become worn out.

True or not, you come across as a liar and jerk, loosing all respect from the person who has an interest in you.

So I guess it will not happen this weekend with Christian or in the future at all.

I am so frustrated it’s beyond anything I’ve experienced before. This keeps happening to me over and over when nothing happens to justify the behavior from the other person.

I really don’t know what else to do with this situation. No matter how much I try to handle it right, it just doesn’t happen.

I’m staring at my phone and start remembering the so many other times I had waited for a guy to call me. I know in the end all of them were not worth it, but it continues to be painful.

I wonder if I’ll ever meet anyone or if I’m destined to be alone for the rest of my life.

‘Damn you guys; I hate you. Hope you all rot in hell!”



I made a second attempt to call Christian the following evening, but this time at 9pm. I thought he should definitely be home by now.

I was correct; he did answer the phone.

“Is this Christian?”

“Yeah…” said he with a puzzled tone of not recognizing whom the caller was.

“This is Emma, the girl you gave the number to at the bar recently. Do you remember who this is?”

“Well, hey, yes!” said he with a tone of surprise that I actually made the call.

“So how are you?” I asked.

“Fine…Wow, don’t know what to say.” He was completely blown away. I bet he thought I would never do it.

The conversation was quite simple as it touched the usual subjects of where did you grew up, went to school, marital status, children or not, what do you do for a living, etc.

He came across as having a pretty stable life, considering he was divorced with two kids. But, the way he put it, he was over that part of his life. Even more, he had an amicable relationship with his ex for the sake of the children, was close to them, and was professionally stable.

These were very good pointers for me, which made me interested in hopefully getting to know him more. I decided then to take the first step.

“So I guess we could try setting up a date to meet?” I asked.

“Would like to, but I have the kids this weekend, so it will have to be the next one. I get them every other weekend, but spend some days during the week as well due to sports’ practice. But we’ll definitely talk again next week. Can you call me?”

“Sure, no problem.”

I guess it was not a bad start. But me calling him is sort of strange when he was the one originally with the interest in meeting me. Oh, well, I’ll give it a try. What can I loose?

And talking about trials, wonder whatever happened with Dina and ‘the hand at the thigh guy.’ Hmm.

Time to make another call.



et cetera