The New M.E. Generation

I called Jeffrey’s number and, to my surprise, he answered almost immediately. Not that much time had elapsed between his call and mine, so it was expected that he would recognize my number.

“Hey, Jeff, how are you? So nice of you to call.”

“Yeah, like I said, I was on your ‘hood, on business actually, and remembered you lived here, so I decided to call.”

“Oh, and what kind of work do you do that takes you into the nighttime?”

“I have my own line of men’s clothes.”

“Wow, you’re a designer!”

“I’m trying to. For now I’m concentrated on custom-made shirts designed with different styles.”

“Sounds to me that you’re well on your way. Would love to see your work.”

“Well, I’m working on my website, so hopefully you should be able to do so soon.”

I was curious to get ‘the real deal’ on his marital status so I finally asked him about it.

“So, hmm, what’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your friend at the bar said you were in a ‘complicated relationship,’ which means?”

“I’m married.”

“Whoa! But you’re so young. How long have you been?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jeff’s tone of voice quickly shifted from nice to somewhat upset. I had touched a nerve that obviously hurt very badly.

“Listen, I don’t know the details of your relationship. But I will say this: I invested 15 years of my life to one guy who, at the end of the day, left me because ‘he was unhappy.’

If the two of you are having problems, but still want to make it work, by all means go for it. I’m going through a divorce and it’s totally miserable.

But if things are so bad, it’s better to end it, and not let 15 years go by to restart your life. Do it while you’re still young.”

I was lecturing this guy and felt like crap. I felt old and that my life was headed towards a dead end.

Jeffrey was still sounding bad over the phone so the only remaining thing to say to him was to offer myself as a ‘sympathetic ear’ wherever he needed to talk to someone.

Now listen to myself! My husband dumped me, I’m fresh into a divorce process and I’m giving relationship advice? Who am I kidding? (Myself.)

The conversation ended in a sort of sour note and I was more concentrated on how depressed and lousy I felt than of wondering if any communication between Jeffrey and me had any remote chance of occurring again.

Has this ‘cougar moment’ come to an end?

{December 10, 2009}   The Accidental Cougar 2 – Charge!

Shortly after my past life began (my ‘x’ had left me but no dissolution finalized yet), I was really angry at everything. I couldn’t wait to do things, lots of them (like?) that would get my life rolling again (meaning?).

Everything was confusing to me back then. I had no sense of direction and felt completely alone. I just wanted to get even at my ‘x,’ and now that I was supposedly ‘free,’ I wished to do all that I’ve felt missed or was unable to do throughout my married years.

Yep, I wanted to do so much when, honestly, I felt I had nothing to look forward to. It was just myself, with plenty of emotions to deal with.

It was a Saturday afternoon when my phone rang. It was a friend of mine who proposed going with another girlfriend of hers to a bar/club that I’ve wanted to go for some time. “I certainly do!” said I very enthusiastically.

After the call, I went straight to my closet and looked for the dress that I thought would be the sexiest to wear. I was definitely on a hunting mode; my mission from now on was to meet and date as many guys as I could.

I wanted to be the ‘it girl,’ a ‘party animal,’ ‘the wild thing.’ Whatever that would bring out the other side of me that had been dormant inside as a result of my ‘x’s’ influence and all of his stupidities.

And if someone that knew me saw me, even better. What a great revenge it would have been that news got to his ears that the one ‘you left behind’ was now all changed, hot and living life to the fullest.

Let the game begin…

“Ross, is that you?” He acted as he didn’t hear me.

“Ross!!” said I louder while tapping him on his shoulder.

He finally turned around and pretended to give me a look that he didn’t remembered whom I was. But his body language proved him wrong.

He had seen me, remembered whom I was in an instant, and quickly turned around in an attempt that I would pass him and not notice his presence.

But, no, it was meant that, today, I would cross his path and finally get the answer of the long pending question: ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’

“Hey,” said he while still trying to conceal his true identity. “How are you?”

“Great,” said I. “How’s the bartending job at the hotel?”

“Not exactly good. That’s why I took an additional job to make ends meet,” said he.

I noticed he was wearing a nametag that had a different last name from when I met him. He now sported one of that of a wild animal.

“Why did you change your last name??” I asked him puzzled.

“Because people couldn’t pronounce it, so I decided to take one that could be easily remembered,” said he.

Translation: I’m not really happy with who I am (including sucking at love), so changing my name is like trying to create a better version of myself.

Meaning: If you don’t change yourself, that howling of yours that you’re trying to pull off will never chase your past away.

And don’t even think of growling at me either to scare me away. I’m going nowhere until I get what I want.

Dina and I went back to our rooms to change in order to attend a dinner we had been invited to.

We didn’t had that much time to get ready, which helped me to somewhat put behind what happened during the toast. But I’m hoping that I don’t get any more unexpected moments the rest of the evening.

I can certainly drink to that! (Well, almost.)

The cocktail/dinner was being held at a restaurant not that far walking from our room. The night was cool and breezy, with the sky filled with stars.

‘Now, this is nice!’ I thought to myself. ‘How I wish for this weekend to be a blast.’ (Meaning? That’s for later, maybe.)

The restaurant had a beautiful arquitecture, which spelled Mexican all around it. During the cocktail, we got to meet other people and had some more drinks. I’m not feeling all that well, but thought I would be fine.

About an hour or so later, everyone sat down to eat. A headache had been tingling in my head and, out of nowhere, it started to get bad (really bad), causing me to feel sick to my stomach.

I’m trying to hold myself together, but my head was hurting unmanageably. Even worse, I still had to do the walk back and felt I didn’t had the strength to make it.

Now, what do I do? Should I ask someone (besides Dina) to help me walk back to my room?

I’m in such pain I can’t think straight.

Damn it, this can’t be happening to me!

This will be my first trip to a foreign country as a single woman. I know that Mexico is very popular with Spring Breakers.

I personally spent a Spring Break in Daytona Beach, Florida a million years ago. I stayed with a friend who was in college and living in an apartment at that time.

So the experience was very tranquil in comparison to students who stay at the hotels, where partying occurs 24/7.

For this trip, though, I’m taking it as an opportunity to be as adventurous as I can be (meaning?) and enjoying myself the way I haven’t for a long time (say again?).

This can be defined as finally been free of all comments and expectations about my body that I used to get from my ‘x’ which held me back in so many ways when married, and allow myself for the first time to be just that, my own true self.

et cetera