The New M.E. Generation











After what my girlfriend said the night of the dinner, I sort of went back to being quiet and not saying much.

The texting during the commutes continued, but I kept them to the usual ‘good morning’, to asking how the day was going at the office. Because I was leaving earlier to work, I started missing seeing his car, which took away the fun of crossing paths.

At least the idea of meeting in the future prevailed, but it felt like it was taking forever. This guy always had some excuse, all seemingly legit, for not making it happen, like work-related events, having a good friend in town, and taking his sports car (and testing others) on a speedway.

He even said once that he left his phone at the office. That was probably a lie, but I wasn’t in the position of questioning him on that. (Did I mention he has his own business, a travel incentives company?…)

I even suggested taking the next step of talking on the phone (“I’m not really a person that does that”, said he.) What’s this? Another Fish clone? (see The Swipe). This gave me a bad chill on my spine.

I was getting tired of ‘no phone’ conversations, but, again, wasn’t going to insist on anything. At least the texting provided a clarification about his age when he mentioned he was at the doctor taking care of the pre-op before having a colonoscopy.

Me: “First time? So I guess you’re 50?”

Him: “I’m probably a LOT older than you. Only 50. I must look a lot older.”

Me: “How old you think I am?”

Him: “I’ll say mid to late 30’s.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s it” (not!).

Him: “Age is not a number. You’re as old as you feel.” (This is such a delusional statement! Not even you believes that.) “So I guess I’m too old for you lol.” (…and that he uses ‘lol’ in every texting?)

Me: “Nope.”

Him: “Yay!”

Hmmm, wonder how he would feel about me if he learned I’m very close to his age. Would he still be interested in me?

When he finally ‘popped the question’ (lunch, that is), I let him choose the time and place. He mentioned to meet at noon on a Saturday at a nice place I’ve been once before. I told him to please reconfirm with me the following morning.

Because I didn’t hear from him, I sent him a text message; got a reply like an hour before the due time, that his 80-something mother wasn’t feeling right, was taking her to the hospital, and was sorry about it. That maybe tomorrow could be.

This didn’t sit well with me. I know it’s his mom, he apologized, and asked for a rain check. But anything that has to do with hospitals takes time, so bailing out at the last minute always makes you look bad. It felt like he was getting ‘cold feet’ about it all, thus using the situation as a means to hide.

All I could do was tell him that ‘hope all goes well’ (he: “thanks for your understanding”) and make the best out of the day. I followed up with him early evening (“Still at hospital. Waiting for test results and else. Thanks for asking.”)

Next day, don’t remember who initiated the texting, but he cancelled again, citing that he still had to deal with his mom, plus had to go see his dad to help him with something. Another “so sorry, hope you understand”. All I did was express the same as the day before. Didn’t communicate with him the rest of the day.

As the weekend winded down, I felt like those days when I’m starting to wonder if this guy will turn out to be another repeat story.

I’ve been disappointed so many times, any minor things start ringing bells in my head. Even if you’re told the truth, it still feels suspicious.

Well, another new week, another chance that things might come my way (or not).

Monday morning memo to myself: “If a guy wants to be with you, he will make it happen no matter what” (- He’s Not That Into You). Copy that.

 

 

 

 

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{December 2, 2013}   Looking Back 22 – Knowing me

The rest of the day and evening turned out great.

We visited a city I had gotten to know two times before with my friend. I was glad I was again for a third with the person who introduced it to me and helped me create such fond memories.

The location has a colonial architecture and it’s famous for its old style streets, restaurants, and businesses. It’s a tourist location worth discovering.

It was yet another travel back in time filled with nostalgia and mixed emotions.

The situation repeated itself. I was just out of college and had no idea what direction to take. Now I felt old, but still as scared as I did before.

The streets were beautiful and as we walked them, I looked at other couples and families together. I looked at them as if I had never experienced this myself.

I envied them and started fantasizing how it would feel walking with a loved one holding hands under all those lights. He and I would be together for some time and were spending the weekend there. And before it was over, he would propose. I can’t think of another place for that to happen but there.

My friend and I had dinner at the same restaurant we did the last time and it was an unforgettable experience. My trip was going better and better with each day, and it was a true blessing.

On the way back ‘home’, which was pretty late, I asked my friend to drive. It had been a long day and I was tired.

I called the ‘beach guy’ as agreed. He didn’t answer so I left a message stating that I was driving back and I knew it was late, but did so as discussed. I also said that ‘you will probably not head my way tonight’, but hope we could still see each other before my trip ended.

I don’t know why I felt such a detailed message. He had told me he was complicated tomorrow. So it was irrelevant to say again that I hoped to see him. It’s going to sound that I’m desperate and it’s not good.

I keep doing these minor things that scare guys away. I should have just said, ‘Hey, I’m heading back. Call me if you can.’ This way it shows I’m interested in him, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be fine with it.

But knowing me, I will always wonder if I did the right thing. Seriously, who cares? This weekend is all about me, not him or any other guy (except the one on the driver’s seat).

Cheers to that!



et cetera