The New M.E. Generation











As I’m starting to finally say all that I needed about this unfortunate incident in my life, I’ve realized that as much as you may try to move on and completely get over it, sometimes something will always remain unresolved. Maybe that’s because it’s never really over until it’s over, meaning that even after doing your part, if the other person doesn’t end it completely, there will always be this link that just refuses to break.

Case in point: I recently made a trip to Cuba and one of the things in my agenda was to get a cards reading from a spiritual woman. It’s not that I hadn’t done it before, but thought someone abroad would give me a different take on everything, especially matters of the heart.

This woman lived by herself in this one-bedroom apartment on a 13th floor. It had an amazing view of the ocean. She took me to her bedroom where her furniture was as old as her, with many pieces being dusty or broken down.

Her bed was unmade and she quickly threw a blanket over it. “Once you make your bed, all else gets organized,” said she. I looked around the room while sitting on a chair, wondering what I’ve gotten myself into.

We were both close to the edge of the bed which now doubled as a table. She was using Spanish cards or “barajas” to do the reading. She would shuffle them and then ask me to separate them in three groups. She would then turn over one group at a time and do the reading.

“You carry a loving thought with you,” started she. I put a face that I couldn’t understand what she meant. “Think about it and you’ll figure it out.”

“There’s a guy with a slight dark skin. Do you know this guy?” I did a fast checklist of all ones I’ve known and nobody fit the profile. I shook my head as in ‘no, I don’t’.

“You want to have kids?” continued the woman. “I wanted to, but I can’t any more,” replied I. She did correctly mention that I’ve had troubles in the past with my reproductive system, but successfully overcame all the treatments and surgeries I had when I tried to have a family.

She was accurate about details that pertained to my parents, family and me. I was really listening to those things that didn’t made sense in the present and tried to find an explanation to them when she throws me a curveball.

“There’s this woman who is searching for you constantly. She can’t see you because she’s somewhere else, but is looking for you. There’s a man involved with her. And I also see witchcraft,” said she. OMFG! Even here the bitch and this guy come up. “She’s like…,” continued the woman in a tone referring to someone who is chasing you desperately. “She thinks you’re with this guy,” said she. “No, I’m not with anyone…,” said I.

“You have a male friend that is isolated,” said she. Oh boy, still more of my ex-friend. “He will come back to see you.”

“You might say you’re not with anyone, but you have this whole mess of love affairs. The one who came, the one who left, the one that didn’t…,” said she. Yep, you got that right lady.

“And that woman out there has a mate, and is waiting for you; it seems that she thinks, or have been told, that you have something with him. And she’s asking herself, ‘where is she now?’ Do you know of that situation? You know her well.” asked the woman. I gave her a look of ‘you have no idea!’

Bitch, I’m on vacation! Enough of it already!

 

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It’s been a while since I last spoke with Ivan and was curious about his well-being.

The last relationships he’s been involved at were really complicated. He was with someone he knew wasn’t the best person to be with and the issues involved would get from bad to worse.

If we ever spoke on the phone he would sound very unhappy and that he just didn’t know how to resolve the problems or even get out of the relationship all together.

He last told me that he and his girlfriend would either give it one more try or break-up all together.

Listening how things were developing, I knew they would stay together. There was something about Ivan that wouldn’t allow him to break away from this bad stuff and start over.

I can relate to that. Maybe he doesn’t want to be alone, doesn’t know or want to deal with his solitude, or that there’s no other choice out there, so might as well suck it up and deal with what you have.

I went through these stages myself and learned to be comfortable with my space with or without someone, and that we need to deal with our issues. But there are times when even doing our best is not enough and we need to conclude what we’re doing and move on.

So I sent him a text message and, to my surprise, got a call back a few days later. His voice sounded way better.

“Hey, you sound good!” said I. “Before you were so down, like you had no idea what to do with that relationship you were involved with. So what happened finally?”

“We decided to give it a try one last time but eventually ended the relationship for good,” answered he.

“I’m glad you did because it was taking a toll on you. Like I’ve told you before, I think you’re a good guy and deserve better. Are you seeing anyone now?”

“I know. Neither of us was happy so the break-up was inevitable. I’m actually seeing someone that I knew from before, but we’re just dating. How about you?”

“No, no guys on the horizon at this time.”

“I’m sure you will meet someone good. You just have to give it time.”

“I hope so. Sometimes I wish I could just go out and have a drink with someone once in a while.”

“I could do that with you now when time allows.”

Well, that would be nice, but it actually happening, I don’t expect it to. With Ivan, like most of the other guys I’ve met, if I don’t make the effort of seeing each other, it will never happen.

But at least the thought and good wishes are encouraging.

And like I’ve done many times before, I’ll just throw it into the universe and see what happens.



I’m really, really freaking out about this whole thing. And what am I going to do about it? Easy, I’m calling one of my boys, Mark or George.

If I call George, he’ll probably get somewhat upset with me at first, followed by a lecture of how men’s minds work, with the hope of scaring me straight. But he will come around further in the conversation to expressing words of wisdom such as, “you have to go with your gut feelings and make the choice that you believe will make you happy. Whatever the results turn out to be afterwards, you will have to pick that up, learn from it and move on with your life, just like you’ve been doing so far.”

If I call Mark, he’ll probably approach this with a line like, “finally, you’re getting laid!” Meaning, he will see this whole situation from this point of view and not mine. I will freak out completely and will end up not going for it. So either way it’s a no-win situation.

But Mark, besides his ‘over the top’ remarks and outlook at life (and the ‘s’ word), he manages to spin it around and dish out the other side of things that at many times I don’t see because I’m overwhelmed (or want to be), making me see situations for what they really are, and help me make more than ‘the right decision,’ but ‘the real one.’

Mark it is.

“Emma, chill out. When was the last time you had a guy showing such an interest in you? It’s obvious he wants to hit the sack with you, but it sounds to me that’s not on the top of his list of activities.”

Besides doing water skiing, he’s going to test the water and ‘dip in’ when the temperature is just right.”

“Meaning?” I asked.

“That he’s not going to end up sleeping in your sofa. You already invited him to stay over and he’s going to find a way to share the bed with you.”

There’s total silence from my end of the line.

“Oh c’mon, be real with me. You’re allowing him to do it because you want it to happen. (Still more silence.) You are your own worst enemy if you can’t admit it to yourself that you have a curiosity to be intimate with him.”

(Even more silence.) Hello, anybody there? OK, when was the last time you had any activity in your bed?”

“Do I have to answer that?” asked I.

“You’re alive! And, no, you don’t ‘cause you know and I know the answer. Emma, seriously, what’s really going on in that mind of yours?”

I took a deep breath and waited a few seconds to answer. I felt like crying, but I didn’t want Mark to notice it.

“I’m afraid of getting hurt.”

“Hey, don’t you think you deserve to at least give yourself this chance? I think you do more than anything.”

Tears started coming down from my eyes and he managed to realize it.

“Emma, listen, I may joke with you and maybe push your buttons too much at times, but you know I care about you. I want you to go after things like you used to without being afraid. That girl I knew from college is still there inside of you, and all it needs for her is to come out again. (I started crying.) You don’t know how much I miss that part of you. Let it out again and just be yourself.”

Yeah, me too. I miss that girl very much. Will I ever find her again?

It’s all up to m.e.



et cetera