The New M.E. Generation











We went home after eating and I was nervous of what he would think of my apartment. I gave him a 5-minute preview of the complex from the parking lot before going upstairs.

“This is very nice!” said he while looking around the exterior of the building and inside my place. It gave me a sense of relief since his opinion greatly mattered to me.

“Are you nervous about me being here?” asked he.

“Yes, I think it has always been me visiting you in the past. It’s awkward now being single you coming back into my world in the real. I sort of lost sense of how that felt, among other things in my life,” said I.

“I will say that your apartment looks clean and organized; everything is in its place. That’s how I remember you for and I’m glad that you’re still that way,” continued he.

I looked around and wondered why my emotions were not all in the right place. I remembered at the beginning of being single how I cleaned all the time, things had to be done in a certain way, and having people over made me very nervous.

I was just trying to find an order among the chaos of the divorce, finally doing the things my way without any person telling me how or being negatively criticized, and didn’t want to let people into my space for fear they would ‘disorganize’ it again.

Now I wasn’t as strict about the cleaning, but was keeping it up because it was important for my overall wellbeing. I was doing it for myself, not for other people’s approval.

Having people over though is still a test of how I handle others, even though it is just him, someone I’ve know for so long, or so I thought.

I organized my sofa for my friend to sleep at, explained where the water heater would be set on and off, where the spare keys were, etc., since I had to go to work the next day.

He was organizing his things in his suitcase when I excused myself for the night.

“Are you sleeping by yourself?” asked he. I looked at him startled. “Can’t believe you’re not sharing your bed with any one.”

I don’t recall if I said anything, but definitely turned down his offer. I got into my room and locked the door without making noise and made sure it was closed correctly.

He had told me many times before that ‘he and I would make a good team. That we had known each other forever, our parents as well, etc.; that there wouldn’t be a reason why it wouldn’t work out between us.’

But there were plenty of reasons from my end. For starters I had never been physically attracted to him, even less now.

Second, his constant moving because of work isn’t appealing to me and he knew it. I need stability, not following somebody everywhere or having a life determined by him that I have not control of.

Third, I was on my own because I haven’t found the right guy yet to share that small bed I have, and I wanted to do that with someone that I’m in love and in a relationship with. Going for a quickie or one-night stand isn’t for me, as much as one may physically need it. I have to aim for what makes me happy, period.

Lastly, he’s still communicating with that bitch, so it’s not entirely over between them in spite he saying otherwise.

I went to sleep and at times looked at my door. I was wondering if he would try to come to my room, but I trusted he wouldn’t and he didn’t.

Then I started thinking about his proposal. What if I’m still single because he’s the one meant for me? Is this what the universe is trying to tell me and I’m not getting the message?

Actually, I am getting the message and it’s the same one I’ve been receiving as before as it relates to him, which is ‘don’t do it’.

In other words, what I am feeling towards you is: I ain’t feeling it.

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This guy took forever to get to my place considering that it was the weekend, was driving on the highway and with the assistance of a GPS.

Worst part was that he called a couple of times to make sure he was headed the right way. All he had to do was to go straight all the way until he reached a particular intersection and take the exit to the right.

From that he needed to continue a little further up make a left, then a right, another left and ‘touch down’.

“Should I go west or east at the intersection?” asked he.

“Just take the one to the right. It’s that simple.”

“But is it going west or east?”

“I am telling you the exit to your right.”

He kept insisting over the phone until I got really upset. What part doesn’t he comprehend?

“Like I explained to you,” said I, “when you get to the exit, follow the arrows pointing to the right to the street number I gave you.”

He kept me on the line until he drove the right way. When he exited, he was sounding more lost than ever. This was definitely a bad idea but could not do anything about it now.

He was now confirming the rest of the directions over and over. C’mon you, it’s not that difficult to get to my place!

When he finally understood how to get to my location, he ended the call by saying he needed to take care of something before heading here.

Say what? You keep me all this time on the phone wasting my minutes when you have a GPS and several mobile applications that could have done the same work as me? And now you need to ‘take care of something’?

I have to admit this has been the biggest mistake in my entire dating career. I shouldn’t have met or gone out with him. This is a feeling like admitting defeat in something one is doing.

So what am I supposed to do now? Don’t know, especially when his whereabouts are unknown as we speak.

Really, where the heck is he??



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