The New M.E. Generation











The holidays continued and my time got invested on work and coming to terms that the year was quickly about to end.

It had been a difficult and disappointing 12 months. Like previous years, I try to end and start each one with the best face possible.

I try to present to others that I am fine and I’m doing my best to keep going forward with my life. But my reality is way different.

I can’t stop thinking that it has been quite a few years since I became single and feel I’m still stuck on the same place. Both my professional and love life has not improved, and in spite of the efforts to change them, it just doesn’t happen.

If I can summarize it in one word, it would be ‘frustrating’, like the way the ‘beach guy’ makes me feel.

And talking about frustration, I got a reply to one of my messages, which I don’t recalled what I was writing about.

‘My life is not my own. I try not to be next to my phone at all times’.

What the heck are you talking about? You are responsible for your life and that of others. If you’re putting yourself second, maybe, but it doesn’t sound like you.

I know he’s no longer that teenager I once knew. But you don’t get to where he is, personally and professionally, without having a certain level of selfishness.

I’m not talking about a negative attitude or behavior, but how you will manage to get to your goals.

And that thing that you try to be away from your phone, who does that nowadays? Besides, you’re a doctor and I’m sure you’re always ‘on call’; so being unavailable is not an option.

You probably are to everyone except me, which is no surprise, because that’s how guys have pretty much behaved with me.

Oh, boy. Why are the things I wished could be gifted to me can’t be placed in a box?



I wasn’t expecting for Madelyn to throw me a lifeline or anything related. But my initial encounter with Ricky does involve her.

Madelyn had invited me to an art event and, as usual, asked Dina to tag along as well.

I remember that time of my life very clearly. The dissolution had just occurred and I was an emotional wreck. I was trying to put a good face but it was just very hard for me to do that.

Madelyn and Dina were inviting me to anything even if it sounded like a crappy event. Dina would say that they would invite me because ‘I was the honey that attracted the bees.’ The real deal was that both were making endless efforts to distract me from my reality, which was very sad.

The rejection from the separation really affected my self-esteem. I had lost at least 15 pounds and my diet basically consisted of a cup of coffee and a glass of juice in the morning. That was it for the entire day.

I was avoiding looking at myself in the mirror because I didn’t found myself pretty inside or outside.

Trying to dress up to go out was even more difficult. Nothing that I wore could make me feel good.

I don’t know how, but I managed to pick something simple and safe, a white sleeveless dress. It didn’t say much, which in a manner correlated with my life at the time.

‘I’m a divorced woman,’ was all that kept popping in my head. Whatever else crossed my mind is now a blur and can’t remember any of it.



et cetera