The New M.E. Generation

Among the many other discoveries that Johann and I had during our emails, I learned that, when I was married, he and I were in locations separated by a 4-hour drive.

Unfortunately, this was the time before mobiles and social media, so knowing about each other’s existence would have never happened.

I was already living in the US and he was stationed briefly in an area known as ‘Mile Marker 0’.

Question is: Had we known about this, would had there been an attempt to meet?

I’m sure that would have crossed our minds, but the circumstances wouldn’t have allowed it.

For starters, accessing his location is not easy. Not even meeting halfway or looking for an alternative to do so would have worked.

Then there was the fact we were tied to another person. Mine always resented my male friends, even if they had been part of my life way before the marriage occurred, even if they were just that, best friends, because he felt threatened.
My ‘x’ eventually asked me indirectly to part ways with them, so seeing Johann would have caused an even greater resentment from my ‘x’ towards me.

If I had made it to where Johann was, it would have been an awkward situation, as word of my presence would have surely reached his wife.

The conclusion is that it didn’t happen because it was best not to, so the universe took care of it. It would have been heartbreaking for both not seeing each other.

But, it did intervene when it was meant to be. I am now free to mingle with whatever guy I want and even got all my friends back because they were the ones who really loved me.

And Johann never forgot about me (me neither) and found a new way to reconnect with me that fits everyone.

We may be again separated at a long distance, but we’re close again and that’s good enough for me.

‘Hi Johann!! I can’t believe it’s you!’ I replied to the email. ‘Would you believe I have been looking for you? You were nowhere to be found. So glad you reached out to me. What’s going on with you?’

I summarized my life from when I last knew about him until now, leaving all the negative aspects out and concentrating more on how happy I was that we had reconnected.

He replied the next day expressing surprise about my search and was equally happy that he had found me. He was still married and has three children, all pretty much grown up. He is still in the navy and living in the same place.

I got the sense that his life was well and stable, that he hasn’t had that much disappointments or difficult times. It was the same feeling that he used to convey when we used to write each other.

Thinking about that made me feel envious of him. It has been years since I’ve had a happy moment or interesting experience to remember.

He had everything I strived for: a family, home, tranquil life. I have none of that and haven’t had a relationship since becoming single again.

What’s his secret? Why can’t I have a life like that? At least I am glad that one of those who have a good one is he because he deserves it.

He was a great friend before and now knowing that he was actually looking for me makes me feel good. It’s wonderful to know that he’s one of many whom I touched their loved before, never forgot me, and now want me back into their lives.

It’s another validation that this journey of finding myself again has been all worth it. Hey, it’s a work in progress, but can’t wait to get there.

Hopefully now we won’t disconnect again.

I have a storage unit that contains all the personal belongings I have gathered throughout my life.

I needed to do some cleanup as well as finding something I was looking for. I had no idea in what box it was to be found, if that, so I opened one by one and searched their contents.

One of those boxes was filled mostly with photos and letters. I kept pulling things out when I abruptly stopped. In the bottom of it were Johann’s letters, all of them, totally intact after all this time. I held them like I had found a long lost treasure.

I took a cushion, placed it on the floor, and read them. There they were; the one with the pendant still taped to the card and the one he was telling me he was getting married. Memories came back to me quickly and I smiled at every one.

I was all by myself on the top floor of a storage unit remembering my past. I kept searching in all other boxes and came across a lot more than I thought I would.

My entire life was preserved in all those photos, notebooks, letters, journals, and whatever else I had.

But Johann’s letters were particular emotional. It has been more than a decade since I last knew of him, but I never quite forgot about him. Touching the stationery was like reconnecting with him during those times we were friends.

Some tears also came down my face because he made me so happy and he brought out in me so many wonderful things that no one else has.

I got sad because he was gone, and so that girl he once knew, and I needed so much for both to be back in my life.

I pondered upon finding him, but asked myself, would he remember me? Would he be interested in being friends again?

Universe, I have a request to ask you: please let it come back to me.

et cetera