The New M.E. Generation











{June 13, 2016}   The Ex-Friend 39 – I say so

As the months progressed, I kept in touch with my then friend’s former high school GF. The more we shared and compared stories, the more upset and insulted I became of all the lies that this guy said to me and I kept believing for the longest time.

It was a feeling of having been living in the dark, to then have the biggest revelation ever, and seeing everything in its true light. It’s not a ‘I did not see that coming’ situation, but rather one that was finally laying out the reality that I so needed to know.

It’s not an easy process; it’s like someone dear to you passes away unexpectedly and you’re trying to figure out the why’s of everything, to eventually having to ‘bury them’ for your own good in an emotional place that you won’t remember later it’s there.

Even though I wasn’t following him on social media, I was curious to know about his whereabouts from time to time, hoping one day his toxic relationship would abruptly end like the first time. I know it’s not right to wish bad things to others, but with him, I think my hatred was as close as the one I had with my ‘x’.

Still, I kept his mom out of all this and would contact her every so often just to know how she was doing. At one point I called her and we chatted without either one mentioning him.

After that I think I called back around Mother’s Day, but this time the conversation took a turn.

“Emma, are you upset with my son or something?” asked she.

I paused and thought it over before giving her an answer. “Well, yes, I am. I had told him that if he went back with that woman that I wanted no business with him. When I saw them together again in social media and questioned him about that, he told me they weren’t together, which is not true,” answered I (restraining myself from saying ‘he lied to me’).

“She has changed 360 degrees,” continued she referring to that low class bitch. “And they’re planning to get married in October.” I felt my heart getting hit with a fist and chocking.

“I don’t know about that, but he wanted to have a relationship with me as a couple, to which he proposed to me several times,” said I. She didn’t comment on that. “He had also told me that, no matter what, he was to spend new year’s with you and I was invited to join you both.”

“He was unable to make it because he’s working so much.” (Lady, please, stop defending him.)

“The guy I knew would have been honest about anything that related to us both. And if he couldn’t make it for the end of the year celebration or anything else, after trying exhaustively to make it happen, he would have told me and apologized in advance, not leave me in limbo like he did.” I felt like saying ‘waiting like an idiot for him to tell me’.

The mom gave a response that I don’t quite recall, but somewhere along the lines of trying to justify her son’s actions again, to which I then said, “I am treating him the same he taught me I should treat men.”

There was another ‘5-second delay’ or more from her. I can’t recall either what she said next, but she abruptly ended the conversation, probably realizing that anything she said about this guy that related to me I would discredit immediately or, better just, step on it like a bad insect you want to get rid of.

‘Sorry, but you’re not winning this one’ was basically my attitude in this talk. Sad to think that this guy was a carbon copy of his mom; they both thought they knew everything or had all the answers to it all, that others were to blame for their circumstances (‘we’re fine and you’re not), except that the mom didn’t fight back when confronted with the truth like he has been doing.

I used to feel sorry for the mom, but not any more after this call. I know she’s old and dealing with a medical condition. But after all the while she has known me, she didn’t make any effort of siding with me at least once?

“¡Eso no sirve!” (that’s not worth it!) is what he always told me. True that. Lesson learned.

 

 

 

 

 

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My next recollection of events was that the holidays were rapidly coming upon us, signifying 2 things: his birthday month and that he had told me the last time that we saw each other that, “no matter what happens, I will spending New Year’s with my mom, and you’re cordially invited to spend it with us.”

Instead, I got surprised with other types of ‘gifts’. First, my girlfriend (who this guy got to meet during my birthday weekend way back and now was also his social media friend) tells me that ‘that guy is back together with his girlfriend’. WTF?

I go online and, sure enough, there they were in a restaurant together, posing cheek-t0-check, with a caption that read to the extent of ‘thank you God for bringing us together again’ with religious and/or love emoticons. His profile picture had also changed and included the bitch, and she was hitting Like to anything he posted.

Wow, just a few months back he gave me a kiss, had expressed an interest in being with me, plus complained for over a year what a bad person this woman was, and now he’s back with her? Major slap in the face.

Even more, I came to the realization he had posted all those photos with me and ‘wasn’t hiding anything from anyone’ so that this woman would see them and make her jealous, most probably to agitate things between them again and get her back. In other words, he used me, big time, as a means to an end.

Those two never really disconnected from one another digitally, so this bitch saw all that this guy and I were posting online. That’s why them two were still having arguments and contact way after they broke up.

Him ‘not hiding anything’ meant he kept his profile public for everyone, especially her, to know about his whereabouts at all times.What an asshole this guy is; he always told me to keep things private, as one never knew the consequences a post could bring.

He knew what he was doing and did it all on purpose. Talking about ‘having an agenda’.

I texted him that ‘I can see you went back with her’, to which he replied ‘no, we’re not back together’. Liar, liar.

When December 24 occurred, I miraculously got a hold of him on the phone. I know I didn’t have to call him, but because of the season, made an effort to put my differences aside.

‘I wanted to call you before going to service…’; he almost didn’t let me finish the sentence, to say out loud instead ‘¡no dejes de ir a la iglesia!’ (don’t stop going to church!!), with a tone of voice that someone uses when ordering you to do something that if you don’t, you’re going to be very sorry for the outcome.

‘I’m on my way to church with (the bitch)’, continued he. Truth is he sounded very arrogant, like someone who wanted to show off in front of the whole world what a grand religious person he pretended to be, including that low-class human being.

He didn’t care of anything else about me; he didn’t wish me Merry Xmas, ask what my plans were, nothing at all. All that mattered to him was that I went to mass, because he was convinced it would ‘resolve’ all my issues just like he thought it would do with this toxic relationship of his.

I hanged up and didn’t call or text him the rest of the month. Of course the supposedly trip to be with his mom never happened. I saw the photos of him celebrating his birthday and the location was not his mom’s house.

He was dressed with a suit holding a cake with both hands. No one else were in the photos. He looked totally moronic and was now sporting a closed-mouth smile, one of those that psychologists define as ‘used by liars and people who have secrets’.

It’s sad to think that the friend I used to know would have called and tell me he couldn’t make it, that he was very sorry for misleading me into something even him couldn’t guarantee would happen.

He would have made every possible effort to be with his mom and if that couldn’t happen, it meant there were very powerful reasons beyond his control. But instead he chose to be with that other woman, the one he got to hate with a passion; the one with the so-called lesbian relationship; the one who lied, used and disrespected him; the one he never said anything good about.

Oh, there’s one: “I like getting home and finding a horny, naked woman in bed waiting for me.” That’s it. Actually, it’s not even good. It shows how sexual this guy is and that he went back with her just for that. Ok; no problem. I want to see how this will ‘feed’ you after your job ends and the bills pile up.

I later learned through other sources that the alleged story about the incident where he was kicked out of the house by his former work colleague and finding a place of his own was not how he painted it to be. Turns out the house’s owner didn’t told him to leave; this guy left it because he went to live with the bitch. And he made up this whole other lie to make his departure seem legit and fool me along the way.

I spent New Year’s with the same people I always do, and did it quietly and as with much peace as possible. My main resolution: tearing his whole being out of my life and tossing it as far as I could, the same way he did with his car’s license plate when he crossed the state line. In other words, a new year, a new me.

Does it hurt? Plenty. Does it bring me tranquility? I’m working on that. Am I going to get back at him for all he’s done? Let’s say I have my own secret agenda and he’s at the top of the list. Check!

 



I stayed with Madeline and family for about a week. The weather continued to be bad with cold days and plenty of rain.

The place they were staying was an apartment/hotel, and Madeline and I shared one bedroom together. Because of the forecast, we wouldn’t do much at times, so I would retrieve to the room and watch TV.

My bed was next to the window, so I would also look out at the people walking by. I called my friend as much as I could. According to him, the worst had passed and some more days were needed for his mother to spend at the hospital before returning home.

He sounded calm as usual, but I knew he was tired and stressed out. I felt sorry for him, as he had always been there for me and now all I could do was support him over the phone.

Before New Year’s arrived, Madeline and I went shopping and had dinner together. While chatting, she mentioned that life and work were fine, but I could feel that it wasn’t exactly that.

I wasn’t all happy with my life either, but was taking every effort to make the best of it. I even envied her back then; she had a good job, was living in a nice neighborhood, had achieved all her goals and was close to her family.

Still, there was something missing in her life that I couldn’t figure out. It’s kind of weird to say now that in some strange way I was in a better place than her.

When New Year’s Eve came, it rained most of the day and night. There was a party area that Madeline and I walked to, but the air was humid and muggy. When the clock was about to strike 12 am, we went back to the apartment and celebrated with everyone there.

I even took upon myself of doing the tradition of walking the perimeter of the apartment with a suitcase in your hand, symbolizing for this year to bring many and safe travels for you.

As much as I was trying to enjoy myself, I kept thinking about my friend. It struck me then that of all he and I had shared together this celebration was not on our list.

And when the countdown began I did what I’ve always done since being single, stare at the TV and start crying, as if I was hoping that the magic that is transmitted through this device would somehow come into my universe.

Once it’s over, I hug and thank everyone for sharing this moment with me. They all hug me back and told me there’s no need to feel this way, as it will all be fine. I always use the excuse that it had been a difficult year, etc., but glad I made it through.

Reality is I cry because when the night is over, I’m standing there more alone than ever, without a guy to hold hands and be with.

I cry because as much as I wish for things to be different, they have not turned out the way I hoped for, in spite of all efforts and intentions. They just seem to go in a direction I wasn’t expecting or wanted to.

It’s like the suitcase I was holding. You may fill it up with hopes and dreams, but the path to happiness will always be heavy, no matter how light you think you may be walking.



The new year’s came and went. I made the best of what was left of my vacation days and returned to work with a new attitude. But, not sign of Ivan.

I think I was halfway through my workweek when I felt ‘teasing’ Ivan with a text to see if there was ever any reaction from him.

‘I didn’t hear from you at all again. So disappointing’, text I.

He surely reacted, about 5 minutes later. That was fast! And, no, it wasn’t with a text; he actually called.

“Why are you disappointed??!!,” asked he.

“Well, because…I answered your text and you never text again.”

“I had family visiting and it got complicated. You know how that goes.”

“I know that. And I replied to you that I would have loved to meet with both of you.”

“Listen, I can’t talk now. Will call you back,” said he while finishing the call in record time of about 2 minutes.

Really? How many times haven’t I heard this before or barely having an exchange of words?

About 3 minutes later he sent me a text: ‘Sorry, my employer was close when I was talking to you.’

And in true Ivan fashion, he hasn’t followed up on what he said he would do. But instead of getting upset as I used to do, I started laughing about what just happened. It made me remind that feeling when you were a child and decide to do something that you hope results that way you hoped for.

It was just the best one in the world. The fact that I was to tell no one made it even more enjoyable. It’s like having full control of what you do in your own little world.

I kept working with a nice smile on my face and feeling so happy with myself. Heck, I haven’t felt like this for a long time.

I let another week or so to go by as I and did what I’ve done before many times, send a new text: ‘Hey, you never called me back.’

Did he reply? Of course not! So I laughed again and forgot about it.

A new chance to text him happened when a girlfriend of mine was celebrating her birthday around where Ivan lives.

I thought about texting him, ‘I will be in your area tonight’, but decided not because I knew he would be another ‘no show’.

I went to the party, had fun, came back home and put myself to sleep, just like this situation has been.



I think I got a reply 2 days later, at around 2:57 am.

What? Dude, do you get to sleep at all? I know you’re in graduate school with hopes to go into medicine, but this is not exactly healthy.

Personally, I can’t recall when I was ever up until those hours when I was in college, undergrad or post-grad. As much as I had projects or tests, it got to a point tiredness would take over.

The last time I was awake or went to bed at those hours was for New Year’s.

‘So you’ve done this before?’ read his reply. ‘I’m not looking for anything other than just to get know you better. But maybe you’re not interested.’

This sounds so generic and thoughts that were drafted of whatever brain activity remained when you were up or about to crash on your bed, whoever’s that may have been.

And this part that you’re not looking for anything, it’s not true, since it was you who contacted me first. With that schedule of yours, I doubt you are willing to put time aside to ‘just get to know me’.

Now what? Should I continue the conversation or just ignore it?

Won’t hurt to reply. Besides, we don’t know who each other is in regards to anything personal, so I’m safe.

‘It doesn’t have to do with wherever I’m interested in this or not. I’ve lived that and don’t regret it. My goal is to find someone more of my age for a long-term relationship. If you want to get to know me, maybe I can do that’.

Talking about being unclear, my response surely was worse than his. Am I really going for this again although I want something else? Was is it about this guy that’s shifting me in the other direction?

Getting attention, being told that I’m pretty by a very young guy, the thrill of adventure, doing what I’m not supposed to be doing when I should have learned already, because like so many others like me, we need a dose of drama that fuels our lives.

Side effects to follow.



et cetera