The New M.E. Generation

After my wedding and honeymoon, I settled with my then husband at the apartment he was living at. We married late November and before the end of year, we adopted a dog and celebrated our first Christmas.

I was still doing my post-grad. I had completed the coursework, but had to write a thesis to graduate.

My ‘X’ spouse’s contract had another year to go, so I took the time to advance my writing as much as possible and adapt to married life.

It was a challenging time; I didn’t know if I would be able to finish my studies or where we would be relocated.

I had always dreamt of leaving my home, but not to a place I didn’t know if I would like it or not. But was young and thought that if we both stuck together, we could overcome anything.

Because of all happening in my life, I lost even more communication with my then friend. His night shift made it hard for me to talk to him, even more now that I was married.

Plus, I had moved to another neighborhood, so I wasn’t visiting the pharmacy much. His mom would be my news link whenever I got my hair done.

A year later, my x’s contract ended, but instead of relocating to where his employer would decide to, he chose to pursue an opportunity abroad.

I wanted a change, but this was more than I expected. It all happened within a few months. We were to take all we had, including the dog, with us.

When arranging for the flight for both dog and me (my ex had left first), I purchased the pet crate and tickets with the airline my friend worked at.

I believed I called my friend to make sure I had made the right arrangements for my dog and make sure he traveling in cargo would be fine.

On the day I was to leave, I don’t know why, either I didn’t ask him to be there or he just didn’t show up because of his schedule. Even my ‘x’ wondered if he could be there.

All I remember was that my parents were there. My mom broke down in tears before I entered the gate and my dad calmed my dog before he was taken away.

I was nervous wreck and did my best not to show it, especially my mom. I kept looking around if by any chance my friend would appear.

Had he been there, he would probably have been in total control as usual, would have looked at me and said, “You’re going to be fine. Now, go with your husband”, meaning, “You’re all grown now; my work is done here and you need to be with the person you vowed to be with”.

It was one of those moments I needed his reassurance that he had confidence in me that I could overcome this or anything that came my way. He had always given me the guidance needed and never held me back.

So, why should I be afraid? Because our lives had greatly changed. Everything changes and sometimes as much effort one may put into things, other forces take away what always brought together to never bring you back. And when that happens, there’s nothing you can do to change it.

After this second meltdown, life went back as usual. This guy eventually bought an apartment walking distance from his father’s pharmacy. He eventually landed a full-time with a major airline, but it was the night shift. He wasn’t excited about it, but knew that if he wanted to get anywhere with his career, he had to.

I remember he telling me that he would finish work early morning, had breakfast at the airport cafeteria waiting for traffic to calm down, drive home, close the curtains and sleep all day. Days off were for running errands.

If I wanted to talk to him, would leave a message at home. His work was on the ground with airplanes, so calling him wasn’t an option. And as my studies, work and relationship continued, the less we talked, but we handled it the best possible.

A year later of being with my then ‘x’, we got engaged. I truly don’t remember how I told this guy or his reaction. Of all moments shared this is a blank space.

Fast forward 5 months to my wedding and this guy still hadn’t confirmed his attendance. I think he never did or bought me a gift.

Maybe he wasn’t happy for my marriage because he knew he had lost me as a possible companion. All I remember is that he showed up late to the reception when it was almost over.

I hugged him and was happy that he saw me in my wedding dress and in this new stage in my life. But now looking back, he didn’t look as excited as I was. He congratulated me in a serious tone, we talked for a few and I think that was it.

Now thinking about this, it was disappointing that he couldn’t get his things in order to attend this event. I know he worked, but how much effort does it take to have left work early?

Had it been the other way around, I wouldn’t have missed this for anything. I would have been the first to arrive and last to leave.

I remember that week there was a pilots’ strike in the airline he was working for, creating a logistics nightmare for all flights and people directly involved with the airplanes, such as him. But he never communicated this to me or that his attendance might not happen.

What this all needed was just a simple phone call. I would have been sad, but would have understood. But keeping quiet makes you look bad, especially coming from someone who never overlooked these details. He was the type of person that no matter how complicated things were, he would meet up to his responsibilities with himself, work and others.

The more I think about, the more upset I am, mostly with myself. I used to give people so many chances for situations that I wasn’t content about. But that’s how I was and tend to be at times, I overlook the negative because I believe in people.

But unfortunately, the more chances you sometimes give to others, the more they keep disappointing you. In the long run they think you will always give them a break, no matter what, and instead of one feeling appreciated, you feel you’ve been ‘thrown under the airplane’.

Interestingly enough, a situation many years later would correlate with this one in a role reversal. But this time around, the outcome would have devastating results.

Let’s say it was one of apocalyptic proportions that shook my inner core like thunder from the sky would do when it hits you. But unlike lightning, I didn’t see it coming.

But, what can you do? Only to wait for the storm to pass or perhaps that it deviates and hit the person back. Hey, maybe that’s what ‘lightning strikes twice’ means.

I opened the email and the impression I got from the photo was that he looked way younger than his actual age.

I then viewed his profile and it showed that he was 35. His face had a boyish look, which made me feel that I was dealing instead with a 20-something.

His profession was as a paramedic and that he was currently pursuing a graduate degree in a field related to healthcare.

It was good to read that he had other ambitions in life. To me, that translates that you’re a non-conformist and willing to take a new challenge.

Working full-time and then going to school is not easy task. I did that and made me feel proud of myself that I completed a self-established goal.

The unfortunate part of having a relationship with someone who’s a paramedic (that at times are also firefighters) is their schedule. They work every other day and, depending on your seniority, usually the night shift.

Add other activities into your schedule means no time for anything else. And if you’re in a relationship and/or have children, your agenda is totally booked.

This guy has no kids, but I just knew that he wasn’t really for me. After having guys dropping off the radar pretty much right from the start, I’m going to be very cautious of how I do anything from now on.

But, like I did before, I will try to take these experiences with a humorous approach. This way it won’t affect me and the recovery is almost instant.

It may sound contradictory that I’m allowing myself to experience certain moments when they’re bound to be short-lived.

But if I change my approach into looking what I would gain (like building my character) instead of losing (like getting mad), isn’t it worth it?

Everything that one does has a risk attached to it and if you’re not willing to take them, you’ll never take off the ground to reach where you want to go.

et cetera