The New M.E. Generation











{October 10, 2016}   The Swipe 3 – Phone call reruns

I decided to call Fish at night around 9pm that same Sunday. I thought by that time he should be almost done for the day and available to talk.

But when I did, it rang a few times and then went to voicemail. Instead of getting a personalized message, I got one of those generic electronic ones that only says that you dialed a certain number and the person was not available to take your call. It didn’t even include his name.

I waited to see if there would be some reply from him in either a text or callback, but none happened either. I felt disappointed and decided to watch some TV and then go to sleep.

I started questioning myself why did he give me his number if he doesn’t have the intention of taking my call? At least you could have told me your availability and best times to call. But, no; one has to guess if there is a ‘good time to call’ as such.

I did get some reply from him the next day at home when I was already back from work.

‘Sorry, I didn’t hear the phone,’ texted he. ‘I fell asleep on the couch watching TV.’ This excuse was so cliche it made me upset.

I think I gave this call thing a try a few days later (after getting my anger off) to have the same repeated scenario: no answer. And a lame reason to go along with it the following day.

‘Sorry I didn’t take your call. I was talking to my daughter helping her with homework.’

Really? What did you do, go over with her every pending assignment? You must have charged your phone about 3 times. Don’t you know what online chat is? Apparently not.

On the third try (now starting to feel like TV show reruns), he gave me the excuse that ‘he was in the middle of this huge argument with his ex-wife.’ I thought to myself, ‘probably because you never answer her calls.’ A bit more creative, but still lame.

The same episode got played over the next time around. He basically wasn’t answering or returning any of my calls, no matter what day or time during the week I did. What is it going to take for him to do it? What an ass!

I think the lamest excuse was one time when I questioned him over a text message why he wouldn’t take my calls: ‘I spend my whole day at work on the phone.  I don’t want to be on it when I come home.’ But you do take your ex-wife and daughter’s ones, right?WTF?

‘I spend my whole day in front of the computer,’ replied I. ‘When I get home I don’t want to be writing any more, especially texts. After doing that for a few minutes I don’t feel like it any more.’

Dude, if that texting thing works with your daughters, fine. But don’t behave like them. You’re not a millennial.

You and I come from a generation that answered and returned phone calls. But I guess you didn’t take the 101 course when we were in school or read the printed book that came along with the lesson plan.

And you work in marketing. You’re supposed to be creative. I may be involved in creative work myself, but even if I wasn’t, any woman like me would’t ‘buy’ what you’re saying, even if it’s true.

Your lack of originality makes you look boring and unintelligent. More like a snooze. And if this is the way you handle all women you swipe right on the app, no wonder you’re alone. Or, is there something else you haven’t ‘told’ me about?

 

Advertisements


The days went by and no sign of Ivan. To be honest, I was caught up with finishing the work year and looking forward to the vacation days that I forgot about him. It had been hectic at work and really needed some ‘me’ time. I just wanted to enjoy the holidays and end the year in a good note.

It wasn’t until New Year’s Eve that he resurfaced just as he said he would.

“Hey, I’m back in town and my sibling is visiting. What are you doing tonight?” text he.

I was surprised he actually contacted me, but even more that he invited me to celebrate this day with a family member.

“I actually have plans for tonight. But would love to meet up with you and your sibling some other time, perhaps tomorrow?” answered I.

He didn’t reply to my text. I was getting ready for the night, but also nervous that perhaps I was missing on an opportunity to see him, so I text him again.

“Maybe we could meet later after midnight?” text I.

Why not? I am the one complaining that nothing happens with guys and that my social life needs to improve. So then let’s do something really out of the norm for me. These moments happen rarely and this day only once a year.

No reply. Guess he was expecting another answer? Now what? Switch to ‘desperate mode’ and call him.

But, he went back to his old self: no answer. I left a voice message summarizing what I wrote, that would love to get together with him and other person, either tonight, tomorrow or whenever convenient for him, and to please call me back.

Of course, that didn’t happen. I got somewhat upset, but quickly put it aside. This end of the year, I wasn’t allowing any guy to make me feel guilty about anything.

It has really been many difficult years, but slowly and surely, I’ve grown personally and spiritually to levels it has taken me plenty of effort to achieve. And I just wanted the next year to be better than before.

That I’ve hadn’t had a guy next to me at midnight ever since being single? True, but I know it won’t be forever.

Some people have come and gone and I have lived through the best and worst. May still not have a clue about the future and how I will get there.

But I am here still and at peace with myself, and tonight this is all that matters to me.



Life for me went back to normal and I followed what I decided upon, which was to close communication with Edward. I would sometimes write a comment on his posts, but no emails or phone calls were made.

I would say at least a year or more went by when I got to see something about him again. It was early in the year and, there they were, the two of them, kissing, at their wedding.

Yep, he married the party chick. It totally took me by surprise, as I don’t recall reading anything about the engagement. People were congratulating him for the good news, so it seems he kept it quiet.

The ceremony was held outdoors in a garden area. In my opinion, both were dressed appropriately, not too much or too under whelmed, but no photos of reception. It seems it was a small and intimate ceremony with only the closest people attending.

I kept looking at the picture when I got an email from the girl who introduced us.

“What do think of Edward getting married?” asked she.

“Hip hip hooray?” replied I.

I really didn’t have an answer for her or me. I was happy for him, sort of, as the questioning about the past resurfaced. It wasn’t really about ‘losing a possible catch’, I was disappointed that other people (guys especially) were moving on, getting married, etc., and I was still single.

Why is it that others are lucky and I haven’t experienced a love relationship with someone else?

Fast forward about another year or so later, and I got to see Edward and entourage with other surprising news, they were expecting a baby.

I again thought to myself, “that could have been me”, but my emotions were really linked to wanting what other people had and wondering if it would ever happen with me.

Some months later a baby boy was born and it was quite cute. It definitely looked like him; if I would have been the mom, I saw how it would have looked like.

I was again sort of happy for him, but not personally that now there were 4 kids altogether. I’ve always wanted to experience motherhood, but one child would be just fine. Raising children that are not mine, I don’t know how I would handle it.

The last, last thing I read about him was that he moved to the west coast to a location that looked very country. Now that’s definitely something that’s not for me. Don’t get me wrong; the place is beautiful, but dealing with cold weather more than half of the year, thank you, but no.

So, what am I feeling now? Relieved. It was now clear to me why this relationship never occurred: I wouldn’t have liked to move, or go through such a huge change, because it would have made me unhappy.

I know you’re supposed to sacrifice for your loved ones, but I did that once, living life for others, but if they don’t make sacrifices for you, an unbalance is created and the relationship suffers.

What if I met someone and I had to relocate again to make it work? Would I let the opportunity pass me by?

Let’s say I will worry about that when it happens (if that) and when I find the right guy (which I will), I know this time around my story will be a totally different.



After the trip, my life went back to normal. My high school friend and I kept communicating frequently and I never mentioned the other guy to him again.

But, I did exactly what he told me not to: reaching out to the ‘beach guy’ or keeping my hopes up.

It all went back to how he has always behaved; sending only either text messages or emails. If I tried to call, even in the really early morning hours, he would not answer.

Every so often I would get upset and stopped messaging or emailing him all together. He would then re-emerge again and I would listen to what he had to say.

He went even further by sending some mobile photos of him, writing that he was attracted to me, and wanting to know how I was doing.

Instead of ignoring him, I would continue with the conversation and thinking there was still a possibility of anything happening. I kept disappointing myself over and over when I just knew better.

One day my frustration reached its peak and I made the decision to stop contacting him all together. I did this early November.

During Thanksgiving weekend I received a message that read, ‘I will try to make it there early December’.

My thought was, ‘I know it won’t happen’. But then again, maybe my silence had some effect on him.

So, in order to not show too much emotions (which was actually happening), I simply responded, ‘Great, keep me posted’.

More than a week went by and no sign of him, as usual.

Two days before the date I thought he would come, I messaged him. Finally, on Friday morning, he responded. ‘Doesn’t look good. Just sold my home and need to be out next Monday’.

Wow, here we go again. It was no surprise, yet I was pretty upset.

This is not doing me any good. I don’t need to disconnect; I need to take an indefinite leave of absence and detox from him.

My emotional health is really asking for it.



What happened next is that nothing happened.

I tried calling him several times after our last conversation, but he never answered nor returned my calls.

In other instances I emailed or sent him text messages, but with the same results.

I followed his activities online and at many times he was back home. I thought at first he wasn’t responding because he was with his girlfriend or family (as shown from his pictures), but it got to a point that I got upset.

It became obvious he has no interest in speaking to me again.

The reasons why is a situation I will not dwell upon or let get into me. If it is because of something I said over the phone, well, whatever. I will no longer measure what I say or do to get the acceptance of others. If this is a problem with you, it is your loss, not mine.

What really upsets me is that he said he wanted to meet up with me. I would have preferred that he would have told me that, because of his personal situation, he preferred to keep communicating that way we had done so far.

This way I would have respected him more which right now I really don’t, the same way I do with the rest of the guys who came before him.

Secondly, my belief is that when you have a significant other, meaning they don’t need from others, especially when no ‘benefits’ are involved, they don’t care about following through.

If he had been totally alone here in this city with just a few friends or whatever, he would have probably met up with me.

So, unfortunately, this story will not have a second installment. It will keep its ‘cliff hanger’ for me to give a conclusion to, or not.

Maybe I should leave it as it and that’s it.

The End.



Oh, it’s hurting, and it’s not my head. I sort of had a hangover, but it was more the embarrassment of my trips to the bathroom that was making me ‘sick.’

I was sitting in bed with my head on my hands thinking how much of a fool I made of myself last night. This guy probably feels the same.

I know I shouldn’t care about what he thinks of me, but for sure last night was going to be the first item of discussion with my friend.

So, what to do now? For starters, I could call him to thank him again and sometime in the conversation apologize for my ‘motion sickness’ without making such a big issue about it.

But my voice wasn’t the best it should be, so I opted for a text message, which read in the lines of, ‘Hey, thanks again for last night. Sorry I got a little bit sick. TTUL.’ I think it was good enough.

About an hour or so later he responded ‘not to worry about it.’ He also mentioned he was going to be at a bar with a few guy friends in case I wanted to join them.

More drinks? I don’t think so! But, meeting up with him when he’s with other guys it’s not a bad idea. It’s not that things are easier when there’s other people around, but because I get to meet more guys. Who knows? Maybe I’ll hook up with one of them and ditch this one.

I text him back that, yes, I would love to go, and to give me the location and time he would be there. I then waited and waited for an answer, which never came.

This is weird, or, is it? Maybe his impression of me is not great. If it is, why did he tell me to get together?

Whatever. This is probably going nowhere so the sooner it completely ends, the better.



I couldn’t get to sleep that night. All that had to do with he and I kept going around my mind over and over with no resolution.

When I finally fell asleep, I had a dream. In it, he and I were standing face to face. I looked at him straight to his eyes and repeatedly asked him, ‘Why did you leave me? Why?’ while trying to push him away.

He didn’t answer me. He held my hands and I lowered my head with tears coming out of my eyes. He then hugged me and I placed my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I felt an immense sense of peace.

I then woke up and stared at the ceiling in the dark, and it all came back to me. We never concluded what we had the last time we saw each other. We simply turned around and walked away from each other and our feelings. We let go of everything that joined us, but not of what we felt towards each other.

So what happens next? Nothing. What we shared belongs to that time and there’s nothing else for me to do other than learn from it and finally close that chapter of my life.

Maybe we needed to part ways and find each other again so we could get it right the second time around. And I think we finally did that, even in the distance. It is now up to us to decide if the connection remains or we part ways again.

Whatever the outcome, he will always remain in my thoughts and can only wish the best for him.

So I guess it will be good-bye, for now.



I finally found the courage to call him. I did around late in the evening, thinking he would be done with whatever he needed to do and available. Before I dialed I started getting anxious.

What if he doesn’t answer? I didn’t give him my number, so chances are he will not take the call. Well, that’s what I would do. So if he doesn’t answer, I will try again at another time, like the next day.

OK, here we go…(it’s ringing).

“Hello?” “Hi, it’s Emma.” “Hey, you finally called!” “Yeah…”(Oh no, his voice sounds weird, like, I don’t know, but it is.)

“I don’t know what to say,” said I, “we’ve pretty much said everything through the emails.”

Alex and I talked for a while, basically expanding on what was discussed online. After a few minutes my anxiety started to ease. His voice still sounded weird, but I forgot about that eventually.

Actually, my impression of him remained throughout the conversation. OK, still feeling good about it. So, what happens next after this conversation is over?

It seemed as if he was reading my mind when the next dreaded question was uttered.

“Would you like to finally meet?”



et cetera