The New M.E. Generation











After my then friend finally arrived to the Pacific a few days later, I received a call in the middle of the day I believe while at work.

“Hey, I got here safe and sound,” said he.

“Glad to hear. I saw your posts while on the plane” (which I stopped reading at one point because the ‘altitude’ was making me sick).

“Let me give you my phone number. Remember the time difference and that it is a landline, which will make it difficult for us to communicate, but we’ll try whenever possible. If not, emails it is.” He gave me the full info of what I needed to dial since the number wasn’t showing on my mobile.

He may had been tired from the flight, but wasted no time in starting to work as, ‘it cost me about a thousand dollars to get here and need to recuperate’.

Well, hey, had you putted all those endless hours at church into job hunting when you should have, you would be enjoying another type of beach.

He already settled into the room, got the bicycle, etc. It all sounded to me like he was very isolated, but I didn’t thought about that then. He was there because of his own doing.

I think I waited until the weekend to give him a call. I tried calling him and couldn’t connect. Tried several times with no luck and even called my mobile carrier to make sure I was dialing correctly.

I sent him an email telling him about this, and this a-hole in progress responded saying that there was no problem with the number, that I was the one doing something wrong.

He was getting so unbearable again he couldn’t even consider that maybe he gave me the number incorrectly or there was a problem with the phone line.

It was obvious from his reply that he really didn’t want to be there in spite of all the ‘mental jerking off’ he did to convince himself that this was a good thing.

He was using me again to vent off and I still put up with it, even when there was a year contract to go through and anything could happen to him during and after this period. He said he wanted to fly back at least once to see his mom, but that to me sounded like a long stretch.

I kept saying to him via email that his number wasn’t working and he kept insisting he did give me the right one, that I was the one dialing wrong. He kept posting on his social media though, but with the praying hands emoticon always, with the same repetitive messages that ‘all is great with the Lord on my side’.

Question is, as time progresses, what else will you talk about? Probably about the bicycle or how blue the ocean water is.

I wasn’t exactly missing him, but more feeling some envy. It was an extreme change, which is what I was longing for in my life and still do; something I could look back at that made me feel all I’ve gone through these single years have been worth it.

What I couldn’t understand was why wasn’t it happening. I’m a good person and have tried to do everything right, so why nothing extraordinary comes my way? Why does it always happen to others? Will there ever be something more for me? Why does this guy ‘get to have all the fun’?

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Despite the huge disappointment I had with Edward in the brief time we were together (if I can define it as that), I did what I used to do with other guys, I kept communicating with him. In other words, I was the one who continued putting the effort of having anything, if that, going.

The difference was I wasn’t pursuing him continuously. I would call him once in a while to find out how he and his children were doing. I would even ask him how things with the chick from the party were doing.

Turns out they were still dating, but he wouldn’t talk much about it. His divorce was still ongoing and was taking longer than it needed to be, so he just wanted to get that resolved first and then worry about what happened later.

Interesting part was I wasn’t feeling much when we discussed his love life. I think the circumstances of all that happened simply closed by emotions to him.

I was content with the relationship we were having, even if it was only through a phone. Sometimes he would invite me to the dog park to hang out with him, kids and pet on any given Sunday afternoon.

They were pleasant, stress-free moments. Still, I would look at all that and wondered if I had let a good opportunity pass me by. After all, he had all that I wanted from a man, all except feelings for him that would motivate me to try to pursue a relationship.

I would try to imagine myself as his companion and being part of his kids’ life, but there was something that wasn’t connecting it all together.

There was no spark or something that pushed me towards him. Yes, it was all weird. How was it possible that of all the guys I met I would feel something, but not towards him?

Was it that I tried so hard to make it right that I actually made it all wrong? Did I become my own worst enemy, literally?

And before I could actually answer my own questions, it all came down to an end in an instant.

It was another day at the dog park. I don’t remember if I called him (probably did) and when I got there, the chick from the party was also there. We both looked at each other as if we were having an out of body experience.

Edward didn’t seem to understand how uncomfortable the situation was, especially me who had no business being there. Even more, the way they behaved clearly showed they were already an item. He literally took me to the dogs and it was time for me to talk a walk far away from there.

After that day I believe I stopped communicating with him all together. From time to time I would see his posts and she would always be at his side.

They were always traveling somewhere (kids included) and the locations were ones any woman would love to go to.

I would again wonder if I had made a mistake with him. Damn, that could have been me in all those photos.

I was feeling envious, but more of the relationship they were having (which I didn’t have) and the allure of traveling the world.

Reality is, all that may sound very romantic, but if you don’t feel anything for the other person, you will not enjoy any of it. That has happened to me before, so, believe me, I know what I’m saying.

Let’s just say this flight has landed and will not take this route (with him) ever again.



et cetera