The New M.E. Generation











After the pain dissipated somewhat, I started getting angry. It was the first time feeling this way. I would always feel a never-ending sadness and confusion, and of trying to make sense of what happened.

But it was obvious what occurred here. He stopped communication with me out of fear that he would get caught, which he did.

He was then faced by his spouse, who probably told him to choose between me or her, or else, so he had no other option but cut me off completely.

I do understand that at times one has to do what necessary to resolve an issue for the sake of other people or relationships, even if it means gaining something, but loosing another. Even if we have to do it not really wanting it, I still get it.

What really bothers me is that, even after some time had passed, I never got an explanation for what he did or happened. It was pretty much the same as back in college; our relationship, or whatever we had, never got resolved when we last saw each other.

He may have done what he needed to, but neglected to take care of the one who was hit the hardest by his actions, me, the one who didn’t deserve any of this.

He simply walked away and left me standing alone to pick up the broken pieces and deal with it.

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I couldn’t get to sleep that night. All that had to do with he and I kept going around my mind over and over with no resolution.

When I finally fell asleep, I had a dream. In it, he and I were standing face to face. I looked at him straight to his eyes and repeatedly asked him, ‘Why did you leave me? Why?’ while trying to push him away.

He didn’t answer me. He held my hands and I lowered my head with tears coming out of my eyes. He then hugged me and I placed my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I felt an immense sense of peace.

I then woke up and stared at the ceiling in the dark, and it all came back to me. We never concluded what we had the last time we saw each other. We simply turned around and walked away from each other and our feelings. We let go of everything that joined us, but not of what we felt towards each other.

So what happens next? Nothing. What we shared belongs to that time and there’s nothing else for me to do other than learn from it and finally close that chapter of my life.

Maybe we needed to part ways and find each other again so we could get it right the second time around. And I think we finally did that, even in the distance. It is now up to us to decide if the connection remains or we part ways again.

Whatever the outcome, he will always remain in my thoughts and can only wish the best for him.

So I guess it will be good-bye, for now.



et cetera