The New M.E. Generation











The second half of my workday was hectic. A project came in that kept me busy until at least 7:30 p.m. I had the day off the next day, so I had to finish it.

I got home exhausted, ate something and went to sleep earlier than usual. I really needed a rest and wished there had been someone at home to greet me, share dinner with and helped me feel better after the day I had.

These were the days I missed not having a boyfriend, but I didn’t miss this one in particular. He was, of course, very far off of what I wanted in a man, so much that I didn’t even thought about him all night.

I woke up rested and took care of errands, did laundry, cooked, etc. I know it was Friday, but I just needed to have a stress-free day, putting my attention away from the day I had before.

All was calm around 7 p.m. when I get a text from him that read, ‘come over so we can be together’. Again, nothing of a greeting, asking how I am or even if I ‘would like’ to spend some time with him. The feeling that I was now having was one when you have food on your mouth that tastes so bad you want to spit it out.

Two things came to mind: pet dog and call girl. And they have things in common. Both are sitting around for you to come home or contact you, and react immediately when the fingers get snapped at them, without thinking about it.

And that’s how it has been with him, and other guys, that have crossed my life, to which I had allowed to happen. Whenever I reach out to them, either they don’t respond or do so many days later.

But if they contact me, I respond rather quickly. I don’t think I’ve ever not replied to anyone. If I don’t, it would mean something big has happened to me or had a legitimate reason.

I got upset and felt like a second-class person. But this was nothing new. I’ve never felt good with him. So I asked myself why have I allowed myself to feel this way over and over for so long, when it’s clear his way of being is unhealthy for me?

I know he could be ‘someone that I know’ or label him in some other way like, ‘a guy I went to school with’. Because, honestly, having he as a friend is something that has never happened. He may have been at times a ‘sympathetic ear’, but ultimately he has been him and all about him.

I held my mobile and decided I would not reply. I put it down and walked away.

A short while later he text again, ‘No response?’ I smiled sarcastically; interesting how people react when you change your behavior or ignore them completely.

Knowing if I turned down his invitation would get me ‘the guy speech’, i.e., he will turn the situation around to make it look as I’m the unhappy person who prefers to be alone than have fun, I replied another way.

‘I’m just done with my hectic day and I’m going home,’ said I. It was short and to the point as he does.

‘That sucks,’ said he.

And that was it. No ‘I wished could make you feel better in some way’ or anything else. But why should I be surprised? I should be the one surprising him by snapping my fingers at him and say, ‘walk away.’

And I need to ‘snap out of this’ and instead of acting like the girl that everyone expects of me, show everyone the woman I have become. Snap!

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‘Hi, how are you?’ read his chat.

‘Fine; thanks. Was about to reply to your messages’, wrote I.

‘Noticed you were online, so thought it was the best way to speak with you, for now.’

This gave me an uneasy feeling. More than misinterpreting what another person might be trying to communicate, I felt I was somewhat spied upon. It’s as if he was purposely keeping an eye on me, waiting for me to appear.

And what does he mean ‘for now’? Sounds to me that he’s going to decide my fate based upon a few sentences.

‘What do you mean?’ I asked him.

‘Your profile needs work. You’re either covering things or don’t want to be so open about yourself just yet.’

I was right. He’s somewhat interested in me, but because my first impression wasn’t that extraordinary to him, he’s going to decide to either continue pursuing me or not right this moment.

Second of all, who the hell are you to judge me, even less over a dating site profile?

I got angry, but I’m not letting it show.

‘I gave this site a try recently. Putting some more time into it is not my priority these days,’ I wrote.

‘If you want to get anywhere with it, you have to.’

Is that so? Wonder if I should mention that I get messages from 20-somethings.

‘How long have you been on the dating scene?’ asked I.

‘7 years.’

Give me a freaking break!

‘7 years??’ asked I.

‘Yes, but on and off. Have had some relationships here and there.’

And they haven’t worked out because:
(a) You’re a dick.
(b) You think you’re God’s gift to the world.
(c) You’re approaching this site as if it was a bride mail-order catalog.
(d) You think women in general need re-working so they can adjust to your mold.

Answer is: All of the above; but especially the last, because I (and women who are very clear of who they are) will not follow your shopping list.

I did that my entire life, living my existence for others or doing what they expected me to do at the expense of losing my self-esteem and sense of who I was. The one who needs to make changes around here is he.

I didn’t respond to his last chat right away, so he realized I wasn’t happy.

‘I’ve used different dating sites throughout the years, but I’m not active all the time.’

Whatever, you blew it. Still no response from me.

‘When you update your profile, let me know,’ wrote he.

‘Yeah’ is all I said.

I don’t (or care to) remember who ended the chat. After that day we never communicated again.

About a month later his profile was closed. I wasn’t surprised or even wondered if he had found someone.

Regarding my profile, still the same as he saw it and with the 100 answered questions.

And the answer to what to do about all this: you have to keep on trying.



et cetera