The New M.E. Generation











As the weeks progressed, I’ve kept in contact with this guy on and off. Our texting keeps being small-talk content, and he usually sends me a selfie with it.

Hate to admit I still think about him (which makes me be upset towards myself) and wonder why, since I already know things will never happen between us (because of the reasons stated previously), especially with the federal court case that’s pending to be presented next year.

For some reason I have to figure out yet, there’s a tiny part of me that’s still holding on, which makes me say stupid things, such as the following below. On any given Sunday, when he asks me if I was relaxing, I said:

Me: “Relax? Me? Nooo. Cleaning, cooking. Need to be doing things.”

He sends a selfie from his car with a serious/thoughtful face.

Me: “You look upset. A penny for your thoughts?”

Him: “Oh. Not upset at all. Going to see my kids.”

Me: “Ok. BTW, if you ever change your mind, my invitation is still open. Later.”

Him: “Invitation? For? To?”

Me: “You can come my way and visit me. You don’t have to wait to do so for work.”

Him: “Ohhh. Can you tame me for an entire weekend?”

Me: “I think I can.”

The texting ended there for the day. Wondered if he’s thinking about it.

A few days later on Thursday, I send him a TBT image of me like twenty-something years ago.

Him: “So pretty” (I reply with a smiling emoji). “So what are you up to?”

Me: “Thinking of you.”

Him: “Sweet” (he then sends me his selfie).

Me: “At home? Guess you’re thinking of me too.”

Him: “Very often.”

Me: “Awww” (romantic sound effect, please).

The next day:

Him: “Happy Friday.”

Me: “You too!” (smiley emoji). “Wish you were here.”

Him: “I can’t go anywhere right now with all my kids around.”

Me: “What if I come to you? My BFF says she has a GF your way that she wants to go visit and suggested both going together by car.”

Him: “Well, at present, if you recall, I am seeing someone.”

Me: “I knew you would say no. Gave it a try anyway. One can only hope.”

Him: “At this stage it probably wouldn’t be a great idea, although I would love to see you. I’m just being honest.”

Me: “I know you are. No worries.”

I may be hanging on to false expectations, but I think this situation of him with the blonde will not last.

It’s not that I’m wishing for it in a bad way because I’m jealous or something. But after learning about this guy’s recent relationships history, one can only conclude that this will be the result. It’s one of those feelings you have that can’t shake off.

Of course, I could be wrong. Wouldn’t be surprised if these two ended together in the long run. I learned way back that with this guy, anything is possible.

Except with me. In other words: anything is not always possible with this guy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On Saturday I took care of other things, but made an effort to relax and rest as much as possible. My weekend was going as normal as usual, that is, until I get a text message from him.

‘Sorry for not being able to meet with you.’ Well, that’s a first, apologizing for something, especially from someone who has made it very clear that he will never admit making a mistake, because in his world, he never does.

‘No worries. Maybe next time,’ replied I.

What happened next I did not expect. He started criticizing me in such a way I became baffled to his behavior. What I did not grasp was that he didn’t apologize for not making time to see me, he was upset I didn’t make an effort to be with him!

It then became a war of words of ‘you said, he said’ in text mode. The exchange got to the point that no one wanted to lose this battle, so I started deleting them.

‘You overthink everything. You’re never fun, only combative and full of excuses. You’re probably in your pajamas watching reruns,’ said he.

‘And why does that bother you? I don’t criticize your life,’ said I.

‘Goodnight. BTW. You have. But once again. Whatever.’ So, you finally noticed someone else treating you the way you treat others.

‘When have I criticized you?’ Exactly, please give me the details as you clearly remember.

‘Stay pissed off at your ex the rest of your life. I remember when you were happy and adventurous. Full of life. I’ve learned life is too short to be bitter and unhappy. You are smart and beautiful. Go get it. Take over your life.’ Now he’s bringing out the ex card to deviate the real issue here.

Also, you remember me being what? Where, the beach? You basically had no contact with me at school.

Regarding my looks, that I know, and I get that from guys, but need more than that after I hear it. Lastly, I’m fine with my life and I’m living it in my own terms, not what you think should be.

‘Please do not criticize me any more. What I’ve learned in life is that as long as I do what others expect of me and fill their expectations, it’s all good. Once I don’t I’m then the problem with the ex issue,’ said I.

‘I’m done.’

You know what? I’m done too. I’m done with you always wanting to have the last word. I’m done with me being good to others and getting retaliated with a major guilt trip. I’m done with getting judged based on your reality when at the present you don’t know who I am.

Yes, I’m done with many things. But as it relates to him, sooner or later it was to happen like it just did.

I was still upset, but knew it was best to put the phone down again and walk away.

I may be still struggling with certain issues of the past, but unlike you and my ex, I’m dealing with them and not pretending you have nothing to do with them, or that your circumstances are as a result of other people or situations.

Oh, BTW, ‘whatever’ show I’m watching on TV it’s way much better than this ‘rerun’ between you and me that I should have cancelled many seasons ago. Click!



et cetera