The New M.E. Generation











I did take a break of speaking with Alex for a while, and so did he. I had no idea of his whereabouts, and his lack of communication made me feel he was still pretty upset with me.

I kept telling myself that the best thing to do was not making any effort in contacting him in any way. But Thanksgiving was coming up and the sentiment behind this holiday was making me reconsider this situation.

For me it was a time to put aside all those bad feelings and come together for the blessings received during the year. This included having meeting him and his friendship.

Maybe the timing is perfect to clear out all that happened before and start (or end) in a much favorable way.

But I was wrong, yet again. He didn’t answer my call nor returned it, leaving me with a bittersweet aftertaste. It made me feel he was still totally upset with me. Even more, he couldn’t put aside how he felt and appreciate my ‘peace treaty’ attempt.

I can accept he doesn’t want anything with me, but not even having the courtesy to thank me and wish me well? Ouch! That’s such a killer.

So, in the end, I ‘ended’ where it all started; alone and without a friend, guy or anything. He made his choice and there’s nothing else for me to do.

I tried to come to terms with it and can only conclude that it was not meant to be. Blame it on timing, our insecurities, our past, the change of weather, whatever.

Was it worth it? Don’t know and I’m not going to dwell on it.

All I can say is, ‘it happened.’ That’s it.

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‘It’s not that,’ responded Ivan to my text, ‘I just have a lot of work.’

‘Whatever,’ I responded.

I didn’t care at that point that I never spoke, saw or had any contact of him. It has been one disappointing experience with men right after the other and just wanted to get over it.

I was trying not to get mad or anything, at him or this first online date. I just wanted to end it quickly without much thought.

Maybe if I pretended this whole meeting never happened or moved on right away, I would not get any emotional unrest.

In a certain manner that’s what happened. After knowing so many guys that, in the end, turned into nothing, it doesn’t get to hurt you anymore nor take it personally.

Is it they or me that is doing something wrong here? I’m not dwelling on it. It’s time to live and learn, and keep going forward.

And just when I was doing a mental ‘wrap up’ of Ivan, unbelievably, but yes, he called.

Wow, never thought that such a short, no-nonsense, to the point text message would have such an effect on him. And for someone who never contacted me for anything, this sure is a first.



In the weeks that followed, I continued having some communication with Jay. I avoided asking him about his new ‘love interest,’ so I just stick to trivial topics.

I was having difficulty getting over him. Some days I would wear the ring and others I wouldn’t. I guess I needed to remind myself that something good has happened in my life.

But I believe the most difficult thing was to tell friends that it was over and that the trip to Canada was not happening. They were all sad and disappointed for how things ended because they knew this was the first guy after my divorce that I genuinely had feelings for, and had given myself the opportunity to open my heart to.

Yep, it took me some time to let go of him. I put the ring away, cried late at night, and got the lessons from this experience that I believe will help me move forward.

The day I knew it was really over was when I called him for the last time. I did because there was some news he had been hoping to hear from me for some time. But I also wanted to hear his voice and reaction of listening me on the other end of the line.

Jay answered the call in his usual upbeat demeanor every time I called, and became more when he heard the news. But after this part was over and I talked about everyday things, the conversation became ‘flat.’ It felt as if he was speaking to anyone else like a friend or co-worker; someone who doesn’t have any special feelings for.

I even had the courage to ask him about his love life, and he responded by saying that he was still seeing her, and taking things very slow.

He then continued to say that he was doing some work on his home and he needed to get back to that. When he said good-bye he was cold as someone who is way over you, or not interested in you at all, even perhaps pretending nothing had happened and needed to ‘exit’ as quickly as possible in order to avoid getting into the present reality.

Meaning, it’s so easy to ‘dump’ somebody when you have someone else lined-up. Of course, you’re not empty-handed, especially if the new person is more convenient for your lifestyle.

He knew that the way he behaved was not the best, so he used the ‘baggage’ situation to let go of me easily and have a good mental excuse for leaving me.

Truth is, if she hadn’t come along, I would have made the trip and maybe still be with Jay.

It’s hard to believe that someone who greeted me with so much love at the airport has now said good-bye the opposite way.

So what am I going to make of it? Nothing. I’m not dwelling on it like I did with the others.

It is what it is and that’s it.



et cetera